I went to see The Artist tonight (review coming later [quick take: it's fucking awesome]), and I don’t know the last time you went to a small budget, independent European film, but the trailers for it are all “along the same lines”. They are catered to the audience of the movie you are seeing, it’s just like you see mostly horror trailers in front of horror movies, and action trailers in front of action movies, etc. But the trailers in front of The Artist MADE ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF. Longest 12 and 1/2 minutes I’ve possibly ever spent in a movie theater. Check these out:
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Is this the Wild Hogs equivalent for even older people? The elderly couple sitting behind me laughed at almost every shitty joke in this (including a huge burst of a cackle at that last “If she dies, she dies!” joke). I guess they are starting to make movies catered specifically to the elderly. I will say though, I’ve gone to movies at 1 pm on Sundays before, for movies not targeted at old people, and they fill the theater all the time. You target these old people with fantasies of wrinkled sex and British accents, there are gonna be a shitload of sold out noon shows for this on opening weekend. Nice work, I guess? At least it had but the slightest amount of energy in this trailer. Can’t say the same about the four that followed it.
Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
Holy shit, this looks like the most boring topic anyone could possibly think of. I’d rather watch Paul Blart on repeat for an entire weekend then sit through this awful looking, pseudo-intellectual drivel just once.
Ohhhhhh my god. This looks like the most dry movie ever made. I bet your eyes turn to sand when you watch this.
The Iron Lady
I fucking hate biopics about uninteresting people. Did anyone even ask for this shit?
Directed by Madonna? What? Isn’t this, like, the same shit as The King’s Speech? It looks awful. These all look like movies for old people. Or boring people who read newspapers, and are proud of the fact they read newspapers, like, make it outwardly known to everyone that they read newspapers. You know who I’m talking about. The person who you try and have a conversation about how awesome Boardwalk Empire is, and they somehow turn it into a story about how much they love NPR. I fucking hate when that happens.