So I recently became Facebook friends with a guy I didn’t know, but had noticed that he existed because he went to high school with my fiance, so I’d see him on her news feed. He’s a musician type who is always posting awesome ramblings, and TONS of inspirational quotes from books and dead people in order to show off his deep side. So, I basically needed a guy like this as a Facebook friend, just so I could get the full experience and comment on his great stuff. I mean, none of my other friends post things like this during the Grammy Awards:
When I first saw the trailer for Labor Day, my immediate reaction was [LOUD OBNOXIOUS FART NOISE]. And I wasn’t really planning on seeing it, as you can obviously tell by my LOUD OBNOXIOUS FART NOISE. I mean, what the hell is this? Some fugative is feeding chili to Kate Winslet? So what? But then I decided to give the movie a chance because, first and foremost, I had nothing better to do. But secondly, I like Jason Reitman. Not just as a filmmaker, but I also think he’s a really interesting dude in interviews and publications as well. Plus, Up in the Air is one of my favorite movies of the 2000′s. So, I figure this can’t be the worst thing in the world, right?
I noticed that all five of the Academy Award nominees for Best Feature Length Documentary were now available for home video consumption, so I thought I’d give them all a watch! I’ve already extensively covered the uncomfortable “comedy” of The Act of Killing, but here’s what I thought of the other four:
If I had went to see this movie with my fiance on a Friday night, and we got drinks and popcorn, and I had ended up spending $35 dollars to experience I, Frankenstein; I probably would have been bitter and angry that I wasted so much time and money on it. But I saw it by myself, at 11 in the morning, I snuck in a free can of soda, and I had $5 left on a gift card; so at Regal’s “Economy” pricing, I ended up only paying $1 out-of-pocket to see this thing. Not too much risk in that investment. But did I get one dollar worth of entertainment out of I, Frankenstein…? …(hesitantly) Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaah… I guess so…
We’re 23 days into the new year, and I’ve only seen one film actually released in 2014 so far… But with the trash usually released in January, who can blame me for just catching up on last year’s films? Anyway, here’s a few more flicks I caught at home from last year (and one 80s movie as well!).
Premise: Four Navy SEALs (played by Mark Wahlberg, Emile Hirsch, Taylor Kitsch, and the only guy whose name wasn’t surprisingly hard to spell, Ben Foster) get sent on “Operation Red Wings” in Afghanistan, a mission designed to assassinate a top Taliban leader in a remote mountain village. Then things go awry when they run into a trio of sheep farmers in the wilderness. When they let them go and not kill them, one of the turds immediately runs down and rats them out to the Taliban jerks, and the SEALs go under heavy attack. Seems like with our government’s military spending, we should have turned this into DRONE Survivor. Am I right, folks?! No? Ok. Whatever. I’ll just copy and paste that joke into my “Send to Jay Leno” Word document. Go to hell.
Guys, is this what Windows 8 is like? I still use Vista. I was thinking of upgrading to Windows 8.
I had been trying to give my money to any theater willing to take it for a ticket to see Inside Llewyn Davis for over a month now. I even just walked up to posters of the movie and forcefully jammed my cash into the face of Oscar Isaac, hoping that a ticket would magically come out of the bottom. But all it did was get my money all dirty when it fell on the ground. Lo and behold, this past weekend, the Regal theater by my place finally decided to screen the film! I mean, I’m thrilled that every theater in America decided to play the (now 4% on Rotten Tomatoes) Legend of Hercules movie starring the neckless meathead from Twilight on its opening weekend, but maybe they could have sought to wide release the newest critically acclaimed film from the legendary Coen Brothers a little quicker than four weeks in limited? I guess I’m saying that I don’t understand the release strategy for this film, and I’m a little bitter that I had to wait as long as I did to finally see it, because I ended up loving it and wished I could have seen it twice by now.
Premise: LIFE Magazine is about to publish its last print issue, and the photo they need to use for the cover is missing! Uh oh! The man whose job it is to manage photo negatives, Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller), now must go on a quest to find the photo by tracking the elusive photographer who sent it to him (played by Sean Penn). The problem is, Walter constantly goes into deep fantasy day dreams to escape his normal mundane life, and now he must actually experience that fantasy for real. Whoa, I just realized that this is basically like a live action feature film episode of the show Doug.
Premise: Stockbroker Jordan Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio) goes from rags to riches by selling terrible stocks to gullible people in the early 90s, and perhaps maybe he possibly didn’t do it the most legal way he could think of. His “poor” life choices eventually landed the real life Belfort in prison, but not after many years of living in a mansion where he took extravagant drugs and had freaky sex on a regular basis. This movie reminded me of a great line from the show Clone High; when Mr. B asks Principal Scudworth why he’s wasting all of his newly earned money, and Scudworth responds “I watched the first two-thirds of VH-1′s M.C. Hammer: Behind the Music, and if there’s one thing I learned about money, it’s that it never runs out!” You could say the same for Goodfellas, Wall Street, and Scarface too. It’s almost like anyone who idolizes these characters never seem to make it to the end of the films…?