Premise: Burt Wonderstone and Anton Marvelton were two bullied kids when they grew up. But one day, Burt gets a magic set from his parents, and they end up forming a successful Las Vegas magic act. In an effort to get a leg up on their competition, a street magician named Steve Gray, they try a more dangerous stunt and it drives the duo apart. They get fired, Burt’s life hits rock bottom, and the rest of the movie is spent trying to get back to the top, etc…
Premise: High end accountant Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman), who is such a financial expert that he gives his social security and credit card numbers to a stranger on the phone in the first scene of the movie, becomes a victim of identity theft. Since it tends to look bad when an expert on finance has a terrible credit rating, he must go find the woman and get her to confess in order to save his money/job/good name. Then it turns into a crappy road trip movie.
Scott enters the room, wearing only a fine silken robe, and steps across his bear skin rug to his solid oak, handcrafted German desk. He sits in his leather chair and sips upon the Brazilian cappuccino resting next to his vintage 1920′s typewriter. Then he pours a glass of brandy and sips from that as well. Followed by pouring some white wine and sipping that as well. Then he realizes that it’s only eight in the morning, so he takes another sip of cappuccino. He hears the telephone ringing, but can’t see the phone as it’s buried underneath several Charles Dickens novels and a few copies of The New Yorker. It’s probably just Harvard asking if he wants to teach that philosophy class again (rolls eyes). There’s no time, he has a film review to write! As he lowers the needle onto his Beethoven vinyl, he takes a deep breath. He aligns his fingers above the typewriter keys as he is about to make beautiful art… He is about to open eyes… He is about to change lives… He is about to criticize film.
Page 1…
“You don’t have to be BRAINDEAD to realize that Warm Bodies is a BITING satire on teens in love. There will be GRAVE consequences if you choose to miss out on this FLESH new comedy. Of CORPSE you could choose to watch its STIFF competition instead, but you won’t have as BLOODY a good time. Don’t DECAY, it’s to DIE for.”
3 out of 4 Skulls
(gets up from chair, leaves house, goes on a four day peppermint schnapps bender)
Premise: Seth Rogen is selling a revolutionary new cleaning product that uses all natural ingredients on a cross-country road trip… and he must go on this journey with (RECORD SCRATCH) his overbearing mother!
Premise: Ben Stiller is a married guy with no friends, so he starts clubs all over his suburb. When his security guard at CostCo (Stiller is the manager) gets murdered, he begins a neighborhood watch team. Only three other people join; Jonah Hill, Vince Vaughn (blech), and some guy no one has ever heard of. Turn it into an alien invasion comedy, and make sure to shoe horn an odd infertility subplot for some reason, and you’ve got The Watch.
I regrettably saw The Dictator recently, and it was pretty lame. Not only in its content (I hope you love terrorist jokes!), but just in the fact that most of the jokes are bombs (see what I did there? TERRORIST JOKE!).
The first album was pretty much perfect (Keith agrees). Pick of Destiny wasn’t bad, in my opinion. I even think the movie has its charms. But it’s been a while since the mighty D have put out new material. Can they recapture any of the magic they used to have?
Premise: Jason Segel and Emily Blunt have been in a relationship for a year, and Segel asks Blunt to marry him. She says yes and they begin to plan their wedding. (RECORD SCRATCH) Until Blunt gets a dream job in Michigan, and causes Segel to quit his job as a highly regarded San Fransisco chef to move to the midwest. Wedding plans get put on hold. FOR FIVE YEARS. And now you have a title for a movie.
Premise: A middle aged man (Joel Murray, brother of Bill) is becoming increasingly sick, both mentally and physically, over how inconsiderate, dimwitted, and mean America has become. Eventually, he gets fed up with it all, and instead of taking his own life, he decides to become a serial killer that takes the lives of the stupid, inconsiderate people he hates. Along the way he teams up with a high school girl, who joins him for the mayhem. Directed by Bobcat Goldthwait!
Premise: It’s the last weekend that a spooky Inn will be open, and the two employees working there are intent on capturing evidence of the ghost that haunts it before they leave. Even more than the concept, I was drawn in because it is Ti West’s follow-up to House of the Devil (which I enjoyed greatly), and it has a 77% on Rotten Tomatoes (not bad for a horror movie).
