Lazy Movie Review: Star Trek Into Darkness

Premise:  The reinvented Enterprise crew are back with a full one movie of character development under their belts, and now they meet their most dangerous foe yet; a handsome guy with above average athleticism and blood rich in space vitamins.  Probably from eating future cereal.  Do you think there’s still Cheerios in the future?  I’m sure some cereal has made it to the 23rd century.  Cheerios have always been a pretty popular choice.  I definitely don’t think Cookie Crisp will survive. I think the government will outlaw that stuff eventually.  Plus, I don’t see Benedict Cumberbatch eating Cookie Crisp.  He’s too refined.  He probably just takes one-a-day vitamins.

Movie Review: Oblivion

I didn’t go into this film with the highest of expectations, nor did I go into it thinking it would be a stinker.  At the very least, I was hoping that I’d be saying more after walking out of the theater than “Where did I park again?”, but that’s about right where it fell.

Movie Review: The ABCs of Death

While I was sure there would be lots of stinkers amidst the interesting concept of The ABCs of Death, I had to give it a look because I’ll give any ambitious horror project the benefit of the doubt.  To sum up what the project is in a nutshell, I’ll simply just retype the opening text disclaimer when the film starts:

“The following feature film was created by 26 directors from around the world.  Each director was given a letter of the alphabet and asked to choose a word.  They then created a short tale of death that related to their chosen word.  They had complete artistic freedom regarding the content of their segments.“

So that’s a pretty great idea, and I’d love to check that out.  At the very least, probably a small handful of the films will justify the viewing of the whole, kind of like V/H/S.  So I’ll just rate all 26 films on their own merits, and then use the scariest element of all, BASIC MATH, to come up with an overall score for this project.  And let the 2+ hour short film marathon begin!

Lazy Movie Review: Dark Skies

Premise:  Take everything you knew about modern ghost horror movies, and throw it out the window!  Because this time (breathes in quickly)  a house starts to get haunted  (breathes in quickly)  and a family doesn’t know what’s going on  (breathes in quickly)  and the kids are acting weird   (breathes in quickly)  and they call in an outside expert  (breathes in quickly)  and they set up video cameras  (breathes in quickly)  and the tension escalates throughout the movie  (breathes in quickly)   and…  (breathes in quickly)   and…  (breathes in quickly)   and…  (breathes in quickly)   and… (breathes in quickly)  it’s original because this time it’s ALIENS, you guys!  (exhales, smiles excitedly, pees pants)

Movie Review: Cloud Atlas

The first thing most people seem to say when they see the Cloud Atlas trailer is, “uhhhh…  what…?”  I was in the same boat as the large chunk of viewers who watched the trailer and couldn’t tell you remotely what it was about.  So, despite the mixed reviews and almost three-hour running time, I was still pretty intrigued to see Cloud Atlas.  Mainly just so I could attempt to understand the basic plot of what appeared to be one of the most confusing looking movies of our time.

Movie Review: Looper

I’m going to struggle to write a detailed review of Looper without spoiling a lot about it, so I’ll keep somewhat vague.

Movie Review: Prometheus

Like most major science fiction releases, Prometheus has stirred up some debate.  The trailers were awe-inspiring, and gave us all hope that Ridley Scott had created some new deep space magic on the big screen.  But reviews started to pour in, many of which pointed to the contrary.  Now that I’ve put my butt in the theater seat and watched the actual film, did I consider it brilliant?  Did I consider it terrible?  Should I have eaten that leftover slice of Giordano’s deep dish before I went into the theater?  Read on to find out!

Movie Review: John Carter

It’s now been two days since I’ve seen John Carter, and I’m still not sure what it is that I sat through on Saturday…

Movie Review: Source Code

It’s like if Quantum Leap and Groundhog’s Day were doing lines of coke off a Twelve Monkeys DVD.