Movie Review: Insidious

Finally, the Sith gets his revenge!  Let us all thank Insidious for the return of the great Darth Maul.

But really, though, were the filmmakers completely unaware that a huge blockbuster came out in the late 90s called the Phantom Menace?  Did they honestly not know that they face painted their villain to look exactly like everyone’s favorite dual lightsaber carrier?  Or was it just a brilliant jab at George Lucas, saying to the world “No one will remember Star Wars: Episode One and its bullshit glory”.  Regardless of the answer (I’d take either of them as the truth), Insidious was…  well, Insidious is…  …to be honest, I wasn’t that thrilled that I had to look up in a dictionary what the title of this movie meant…

Insidious is kind of like Poltergeist, but not done as well or as memorable.  It’s like if Poltergeist ate a lot of paint chips as a kid.  Plot goes as follows:  family lives in house, son gets possessed, exorcist is brought in, nightmare starts to become reality, and so on.  In other words, this is the most original plot ever thought up.  I was actually slightly into this movie during the first two acts, almost as a guilty pleasure haunted house kinda thing, but then the third act takes a turn for the worse.  Basically it turns into that Jennifer Lopez movie from the 90s, The Cell, only less creative, less spectacular, and far less visually stimulating.

The main scare tactic in this film, like basically all horror films of the 2000s, is to have one or two second flashes of crazy shit with no substance, then it disappears.  Ghosts are all about theatrics, apparently.  I didn’t really get startled during Insidious, and I found the most disturbing scare to occur in broad daylight; when through a window, a silhouette of a child ghost is dancing to happy music.  It’s barely visible, yet right in front of you, and that is what I remember as the creepiest thing from this film.  Not Darth Maul.

In every movie I've seen her in, Rose Byrne has a face full of infinite sadness. But that by no means brings down my boner for her.

I will commend it however, for doing what it did on a $1.5 million budget.  It already basically made a 10x profit in its first weekend.  So, we can probably expect an Insidious 2 in the near future.  Just my guess.

I left Insidious with an overwhelming feeling of indifference.  Will I ever see it again?  No, probably not.  Did I feel like I completely wasted an hour and forty-five minutes?  Nah, I’ve pissed that much time away on far stupider things.  Should anyone even care that Insidious exists?  I don’t know, if you’re into it, you’re into it.  If you’re not, you’re not.  Indifference.  That should have been the title of this movie.  And I wouldn’t have had to look that up in a dictionary!

4.5 out of 10

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