Movie Review:: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

I’d like Michael Bay if he looked and acted like Woody Allen.  Made the exact same movies but looked and acted like Woody Allen.  If he was just this mega nerd who was obsessed with explosions and special effects and gratuitously showed supermodels at inappropriate times during robot battles.  I would like that guy.  I would think he’s awesome.  Like a Peter Jackson type, who was a fat dork sitting in a dark room conjuring in his mind how he wanted to film the battle scenes in Middle Earth.  Instead Michael Bay is just unlikable Michael Bay.  He’s like the super popular rich snobby jerk in high school who got everything he wanted (girls, clothes, cars), but you think life will even out for him eventually and he’ll end up working at his dad’s car dealership in your hometown 10 years later, because the world is supposed to be fair, right?  But then he grew up, bedded countless supermodels while working for Victoria’s Secret making piles of money, then gets unlimited budgets for blockbuster movies with no apparent scripts, and well becomes a Michael Bay type.  I wanted to use a different person for the analogy, but Michael Bay is honestly the best person to fit that description.  I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t like Michael Bay as a person, and after reading his GQ oral history of Michael Bay article, I have no reason to believe he isn’t actually a pompous mega jerk.

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Traffic lights are way too stupid and there is no excuse for it

We live in the 21st century.  My microwave is one step away from becoming sentient.  Why is it then, that traffic lights still seem to be running like a Coleco?  Honestly, my 6 year old flip phone can practically predict the future, yet I was just stopped at a traffic light for two minutes for phantom cars.  GUESS WHAT TRAFFIC LIGHT, PHANTOM CARS DON’T EXIST.  Continue reading

Thinly Veiled Racism

Perhaps this is just happening within my own social circle.  Perhaps this isn’t becoming prevalent throughout America like I think it is, but doesn’t it seem like people now a days are just making excuses to cover up their own bigotry and racism?  How many times have you heard someone say, “I got nothing against (insert minority) but I fucking hate it when they do such and such”.  Continue reading

Movie Review: Green Lantern

Right when Ryan Reynolds gets his new fancy Green Lantern suit, he is told that he has also been implanted with a virtual knowledge base by the Lantern folk, and he immediately has a vast knowledge of all the sectors of the universe that the Lanterns defend.  Cool!  Then that scene is immediately followed by about 10 minutes of  having things bluntly explained to him while he stands there slack-jawed.  “DUHHHHH WHAT’S PARALAX, FISH MAN…?”  “DURRRR THE RING DOES WHAAAAAAT NOW?”  I guess the knowledge base only gives him enough knowledge to win an intergalactic trivia contest…  Perhaps they could have included a few more instructions, to at the very least save this movie from its wide array of exposition.

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