Lazy Movie Review: The Thing (2011)

Premise:  A remake of an awesome remake from the 80s, a group of scientists and various Norwegian folk go to Antarctica because they’ve discovered an alien frozen in the ice.  They return it to America, where they become incredibly rich and famous, basically having found the greatest discovery known to mankind.  And the whole movie is about their glorious lives after finding the alien.  And…  oh wait, nevermind, I just remembered that the alien escapes from the ice, and kills basically everybody.  It can replicate any living organism, so no one knows who’s the alien and who isn’t.  Basically it would fucking suck to get trapped in Antarctica with this thing.

Pros:

-They kept annoying characters to a minimum.

-Surprisingly high death count.

-Mary Elizabeth Winstead be lookin fine.

-The 2nd act is really good.

Cons:

-Drags in the 3rd act.

-I have no problem with the grossness of it, but the alien mutation effects looked more like Silent Hill shit than cool practical effects stuff.

-No blood test scene, and their equivalent of it is only *kind of* tense.

-You can see the ending coming from a mile away.

Final Thoughts:  Something about this remake just screams “who gives a shit?”.  It did nothing to improve on the previous versions, and it just comes across as unnecessary.  I wanted to like it, because I haven’t seen a good horror movie in a while and I like the ’82 version.  If you see it, stay during the credits, there are scenes that play during them that link it to the ’82 version, actually making this one a prequel.  I suppose that’s supposed to justify it more, because it’s not actually a remake, but still, kinda not impressed at all with this movie.  There is a 25 minute period in the 2nd act that had me really entertained, but the beginning is slow, and the ending drags on.

5.5 out of 10

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