My totally sane, acceptable, and rational hatred for Michele Norris

BBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, last year, out of curiosity (and desperation) I decided to become a taxi driver. Taxi driving is a particularly boring endeavor. Lots of waiting in parking lots. You can only listen to music for so long on the radio before it just becomes annoying. I turned to NPR to keep my brain from sedation. It was here where I encountered the annoying, spitty voice of Michele Norris

Right off the bat, I wanted to dislike her because she pronounces her name MEEchele not Michele, like a normal, sane person. Before you say anything about it having only one L and not two, fuck you. No one should pronounce Michele in such a ridiculous manner. Clearly this pronunciation was chosen to give her some sort of uniqueness. To make her stand out so you remember her name. That would be like me saying, “Actually my name isn’t pronounced Keith, its pronounced KEH-th. No no no, this would be deemed ridiculous and I would be an outcast, and you would be right to do so. Every time this old bag says her name I want to insert my hand into the radio and slap her face on the other end. It is like nails on a chalkboard to me. You might be thinking to yourself now, “wow Keith, how about you calm down a bit? It isn’t that big of a deal.” Well YOU, didn’t have to listen to NPR every day and listen to her repeat her retarded name over and over (and yes I HAD to listen to NPR). Thankfully, All Things Considered has multiple newscasters and I get so excited when SHE isn’t on. I ALMOST (emphasis on almost), hate Michele Bachmann less than Michele Norris, because at least Michele Bachmann doesn’t say her name like a retarded cur.

My hatred doesn’t end with her name though, if you know me, I have a admittedly weird dislike for spit. This broad has the spittiest voice on NPR. It sounds like she is constantly talking through a loogie AND I CAN’T STAND IT. The only way her voice could be more moist is if she was speaking with a mouthful of water. Her lips sound like they are holding back a Niagara falls worth of spittle. I remember I had a psychology teacher back when that always had spit ropes in the corners of her mouth as she spoke. I can only image that MEECHELE, has the same. All Things Considered should CONSIDER getting rid of Michele Norris for my sake.

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10 thoughts on “My totally sane, acceptable, and rational hatred for Michele Norris

  1. scottodactyl says:

    Damn, KEHth really hates this lady. Aside from the stupid name pronounce and the spitting into the microphone, is she actually a bad reporter? Or are you just Seinfelding her?

    I wouldn’t know, because I don’t listen to NPR. I listen to Stern, because I prefer to laugh when I’m driving my car, as opposed to hearing droll, dry newscasters talk one-sided politics. I’d rather hear fart jokes. SUCK IT, SOCIALITES! TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

    • dinosaurboner says:

      Well, I guess All Things Considered is kind of like the lighter side of news mixed with regular news. I wouldn’t say she’s a terrible reporter. I just don’t like her as a person. Totally Seinfelding it

  2. Miriam Honsaker says:

    FYI, Keith: Michele is a French name and Michele Norris pronounces it correctly. You would not pronounce Renee “Ree-nee” (long e) would you? Or, maybe you would…..

    • dinosaurboner says:

      Except that she is in fact, American, so an American pronunciation would only make sense. She isn’t even from a Frenchy part of America. She is from Minnesota. I could see your argument having merit if she was actually French, but she isn’t. Even then, it’s a long shot. See, the pronunciation of names change depending on what language they are said in. For instance, my name sounds like kiss in Japanese. I wasn’t at all put off if someone said my name with a Japanese pronunciation while I was in Japan. Same goes for her name. The fact that she lived in America, yet chooses to use that pronunciation just sounds pompous to me. Clearly it’s some Hollywood bs. Trying to make herself more distinguishable from other Micheles.

      End of the day though, it’s her terrible spit mouth that makes her so aggravating. Thankfully she isn’t a normal reporter on NPR anymore. I like to think that I had something to do with her demotion.

  3. Alex says:

    Ha ha – ALL OF NPR seems to be immersed in saliva from the now-departed Daniel Schorr to E J Dione it sounds like all NPR personallities are required to come directly from the dentist with a mouth full of novocaine. NPR is a joke from beginning to end from their palpable pro-war “liberal” POV to their seething hatred of White people (I guess “public” means supporting everyone except Whites who don’t count.)

  4. Rich says:

    I was just ranting to my daughter about Robbie Gould on the Chicago Bears who pronounces his name Gold even though Gould was okay for Morton and Elliot, and how how I would like to slap the shit out of him, when I moved on to Michele Norris (and did a search for Michele Norris pronunciation and came across this post). I agree with the your feelings entirely and would like to shake your hand Keith. FYI Miriam, Michele is of Italian origin PRONOUNCED: mee-KE-le (where did you learn the pronunciation and origin from Paul McCarntey?), and Michele Norris isn’t French anyway, so if you prefer yours and her pronunciation, move to France you asshole.

  5. abesheet says:

    I hate her too because I feel she considers herself some sort of a [black] crusader-chick. Which should be saying a lot considering thay.I am black and a woman.

  6. abesheet says:

    Oh shit. The woman I hate is Michelle Martin, not Michelle Norris. Apparently, you don’t have to be a Donald Trump-supporter to think we all look alike.

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