So, last year, out of curiosity (and desperation) I decided to become a taxi driver. Taxi driving is a particularly boring endeavor. Lots of waiting in parking lots. You can only listen to music for so long on the radio before it just becomes annoying. I turned to NPR to keep my brain from sedation. It was here where I encountered the annoying, spitty voice of Michele Norris
Right off the bat, I wanted to dislike her because she pronounces her name MEEchele not Michele, like a normal, sane person. Before you say anything about it having only one L and not two, fuck you. No one should pronounce Michele in such a ridiculous manner. Clearly this pronunciation was chosen to give her some sort of uniqueness. To make her stand out so you remember her name. That would be like me saying, “Actually my name isn’t pronounced Keith, its pronounced KEH-th. No no no, this would be deemed ridiculous and I would be an outcast, and you would be right to do so. Every time this old bag says her name I want to insert my hand into the radio and slap her face on the other end. It is like nails on a chalkboard to me. You might be thinking to yourself now, “wow Keith, how about you calm down a bit? It isn’t that big of a deal.” Well YOU, didn’t have to listen to NPR every day and listen to her repeat her retarded name over and over (and yes I HAD to listen to NPR). Thankfully, All Things Considered has multiple newscasters and I get so excited when SHE isn’t on. I ALMOST (emphasis on almost), hate Michele Bachmann less than Michele Norris, because at least Michele Bachmann doesn’t say her name like a retarded cur.
My hatred doesn’t end with her name though, if you know me, I have a admittedly weird dislike for spit. This broad has the spittiest voice on NPR. It sounds like she is constantly talking through a loogie AND I CAN’T STAND IT. The only way her voice could be more moist is if she was speaking with a mouthful of water. Her lips sound like they are holding back a Niagara falls worth of spittle. I remember I had a psychology teacher back when that always had spit ropes in the corners of her mouth as she spoke. I can only image that MEECHELE, has the same. All Things Considered should CONSIDER getting rid of Michele Norris for my sake.