“Halfway Through A Crazy NBA Season” Thoughts

This came up in the search "stupid NBA photos" and since it's an election year it seemed apt.

 So we have half a season in the books of what’s been a pretty whirlwind NBA season after that whole “lockout” business. And with the 2nd half getting underway, here are some quick thoughts about all 30 teams (yes even the Bobcats)! Maybe I’ll make some predictions!! Maybe not!!! I honestly haven’t thought that far ahead for this post!!!!

The Eastern Conference

Every one of these seemingly random pics came from the same Google search

1.) Miami Heat– This team looks really good right now, I honestly don’t see anyone  beating them in the east. That kills me to say that BTW. The only thing I will give them is they are damn fun to watch on a fast break its like NBA 2K12. Every single time they get on a break I’m just thinking “LEFT TRIGGER AND B! LEFT TRIGGER AND B! DEFEND THE OOP!!” but its way too late by then.

2.) Chicago Bulls- They are still a piece away. Rose is great but he can’t beat two HOFers by himself. Who knows maybe Rip comes back and then they get that scoring they need. But from what I’ve seen they just don’t have enough. SIGH And another thing, I’m getting really sick of this “Thibs plays all the starters who aren’t Carlos Boozer (in what I imagine is an attempt to get him hurt so Taj Gibson can just start) 40 minutes a game in a blowout” bullshit. Rose has a bad back and bad toes, yet Thibs is just running him ragged. Let one of the 4 other point guards on the team play for fucks sake.

3.) Indian Pacers- What… the… really? The Pacers are the third best team in this division? Well I know they are improved but they might just be benefiting from being a young team in a short and condensed season. Oh and I guess they play pretty good D. I guess that Fogel guy should be up for coach of the year doubt he wins it though.

4.) Philadelphia 76ers- 76ers? Sure why not. Doug Collins has this team playing team defense and playing better than their talent would suggest. But with the easiest 1st half schedule they are primed for a 6th seed! Honestly though I don’t really see them getting past the 1st round or winning their division unless Orlando really does trade Howard (I’ll get to that in a sec).

This is one of the closest things I saw having anything to do with the NBA

5.) Orlando Magic- This team needs to ditch Howard, and get a bunch of assets for him. Get someone’s entire draft and young talent. Otherwise this guy is going to leave town and they aren’t going to get a damn thing for him. And why wouldn’t this ass want to go to the Bulls? This can’t be a weather based thing because he wants to go to Brooklyn as well. But what is it? Is this completely motivated by shoe deals? Like did Adidas tell him they don’t want their two big stars on the same team? That’s the only thing I can think of.

6.) Atlanta Hawks- Each year this team looks like it might be solid and then Josh Smith decides he isn’t a gifted athlete and decides to just take 20 footers for a whole game and then POW they lose. Their sudden rash of injuries can’t be good for business either. They’ll make the Playoffs but that’s it. And who knew that Noah was going to be better than Al Horford? That’s some egg on my face, I thought Noah was going to be a bust.

Can any of you blame me?

7.) Lin York Links- Lin Lin Lin. Racism. Lin Lin. Turnovers. Lin Lin Lin Lin Lin, Carmelo bad for business. Lin Lin Lin. MORE Racism. Lin Lin Lin Lin…. (In all actuality I think Lin is a perfectly fine player BUT GET OFF HIS TIP PEOPLE! HE’S NOT A SIDESHOW ACT HE’S A BASKETBALL PLAYER!)

8.) Boston Celtics- This has been great to watch. With the rapid descent of their big 3, all its really doing is showing the world that Rondo is a punk who only got the numbers he got by dishing to 3 HOFers. Also anything that makes Boston look like shit is OK in my book. BTW It would appear the NBA season means nothing. This team is below .500 and might make the damn Playoffs.

9.) Cleveland Cavaliers- If this team makes the Playoffs The East is a friggin joke. Is Kyrie Irving like the 1st Duke guard to be successful since like…. ever? I mean there have been successful forwards to come out of that school. But never guards, I mean all Reddick does is hit threes that’s it. FOOD FOR THOUGHT I GUESS.

10.) Milwaukee Bucks- Brandon Jennings seems like a legit ballplayer but this team just has nothing. With Bogut constantly hurting himself they just don’t have enough to make it to the Playoffs, which is good for the Heat because they have for some reason owned them this year.

11.) Detroit Pistons- There are times when I forget this team is still around. I’m pretty happy about that actually.

12.) Toronto Raptors- If someone gave you the choice, be attacked by ACTUAL Velociraptors or attend a Raptors game. Which would you chose? Not an easy decision if you ask me.

13.) New Jersey Nets- For some reason I never liked Deron Williams, I don’t know why. But after seeing how he is actually busting his ass on a 11 win team it’s hard not to like him. Its also weird that this 11 win team is more interesting than about half of this conference. Kris Humphries was married for 72 hours, they have a crazy Russian owner, Jay-Z is part owner, they are moving to Brooklyn next year. For a dogshit team, I am intrigued.

14.) Washington Wizards- Remember how they had to change their team name because they reside in a crime riddled city? PRICELESS. And I don’t know why anyone would criticize JaVale McGee for doing sweet dunks when they are down 20 points. I think its the only thing that’s keeping him sane at this point.

15.) Charlotte Bobcats- This has to be karma for Jordan having a Hitler stach. Honestly if the city of Charlotte knew they were getting this team, do you think they would just go “Nah it’s ok NBA we don’t really need a franchise anymore.”

The Western Conference

No.... Words.....

 1.) Oklahoma City Thunder- It’s kinda hard for me to root this team because I thought it was totally underhanded how they were basically stolen from the city of Seattle. But they look like the team that can stop Miami right now, they have the best pure scorer in the game in Durant and they have a great interior defense. Their Achilles Heel might be the moment where Westbrook completely loses it and decides “I’m taking over” and that usually means lots of fade-away 3pt attempts. If they can keep him from being an ass this team has a shot to win it all. Sorry Seattle..

2.) San Antonio Spurs- I’m not sure how Gregg Popovich is pulling this off. I mean I didn’t even know they were ranked 2nd in the conference until I looked at this for this post. Then again I do my best to stay away from the completely boring teams. POINTLESS SIDE STORY: I once had a friend tell me, and he was dead serious, that Tony Parker will go down being better than Allen Iverson. I promptly made fun of him for about 20 minutes straight about what an asshole he was.

3.) Los Angeles Clippers- Man Chris Paul and Blake Griffin really are something together. I could watch him murder-dunk people out of the league for all of eternity. Now when it comes to them having any shot of winning it all, nope. Their coach is Vinny Del Negro that guy is an idiot. I’m not sure he has ever drawn up a real NBA play. He looks at his dry erase board and it just says “PAUL TO GRIFFIN FROM ANYWHERE”

This is the Rockets mascot? A Bear?

4.) Houston Rockets- After finding out they were the 4th placed team, I decided to give them a picture. Now I guess there are some team names that you can’t exactly make into mascots. That’s why you get shit like the Phoenix Suns having a gorilla (but a god-damned cool one at that). But I think some teams just get lazy and they go “uhhhhh whatever make it a monster.” What I’m trying to say is this bear might seem cool but why couldn’t it have been an astronaut?

5.) Dallas Mavericks- Man Dirk got good and lazy for this run as the defending champs. Or maybe he is just pacing himself knowing that the regular season means next to nothing (at least if you’re a team in The East). I also don’t really have a lot to say about them so here’s a picture of Jason Kidd looking like he has gills!

Think of the adventures he would have, just knocking the shit out of mermaids.

6.) Los Angeles Lakers- Kobe is going to have to average 40 points the rest of the year if this team is going to get into the Playoffs. Or they actually make that deal for Howard and then God knows what happens next. All I know is that time is running out for Kobe. I wouldn’t mind seeing them out of the Playoffs though because that would mean one of the teams looking on the outside in, that I for some reason like, would get in.

7.) Memphis Grizzlies- They’re going to get Zach Randolph back, which is going to help them a bunch. Unless he comes back as fat and crappy New York Knick Zach Randolph. They better pray that doesn’t happen. If its regular Randolph they are a sneaky good team in the West. They play good defense, Rudy Gay is underrated and Marc Gasol is better than his brother right now.

8.) Portland Trail Blazers- If you had told me that a team would draft a player BEFORE Kevin Durant, and then that player never saw more than 30 games total. AND THEN their star player would retire in his prime because he has the worse knees ever, I’d tell you that team was never making the Playoffs. Ever. But here we are, I think this is one of those sneaky good teams as well. If Jamal Crawford gets hot and starts hitting his fade-away 3s, they are going to be tough to beat. Also Gerald Wallace is a solid player, and I really wish the Bulls didn’t trade for Tyrus Thomas when they had already DRAFTED Lamarcus Aldridge. But I guess they wouldn’t have gotten Rose, so ILL TAKE IT I GUESS.

9.) Denver Nuggets- I find it funny that they basically fleeced the Knicks by taking their entire team and then teaming that with a better coach. I kinda rambled a little too much about the Blazers so I think I’m going to cut this short except to say I wish they still used their old flamboyant jerseys (man the late 80s-early 90s ruled).

REMEMBER THESE SCOTT? OH WAIT YOU HAD THE BEN WALLACE SHOES.

10.) Minnesota Timberwolves- I NEED this team to get into the Playoffs, even for just one round. They have that appeal the Golden State Warriors had when they were stomping the Mavericks as an 8th seed. They have castoffs like Darko (picked BEFORE Carmelo, Wade, and Bosh) and Beasley (THANKFULLY picked after Rose)! The adorable Ricky Rubio! Kevin Love bombing 3s and then making this pose. I WANT this team in the Playoffs soooooooooo bad. I’m now going to sandwich them in pictures that have nothing to do with each other!

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

11.) Utah Jazz- I still hold some resentment from this team after the Bulls met them in the finals twice. GREAT STORY.

12.) Golden State Warriors- I feel like this team should be better, but I’m guessing a lot of it is they are allergic to defense. Because the guard tandem they have is pretty awesome but they just don’t seem to win a lot of games.

13.) Phoenix Suns- GET OFF THIS SINKING SHIP STEVE NASH. It depresses me a little bit that one of most enjoyable to watch basketball players in the past 15 years isn’t going to win a championship.

14.) Sacramento Kings- They recently struck a deal and now they wont have to move out of this city. But honestly should Sacramento even want them at this point?

15.) New Orleans Hornets- The only thing they can really hang their hats on, is “at least we’re not the Bobcats”.

Predictions!

MVP– Lebron James. (Dammit)

Defensive Player of the Year– Dwight Howard.

Rookie of the Year– HOPEFULLY Ricky Rubio but it will probably be Jeremy Lin. Which I guess is karma for Rubio and the entire Spanish National Team doing this..

Sixth Man of the Year- I don’t know just give it to someone like Jason Terry.

Coach of the Year– Rick Adelman (If the Timberwolves make the Playoffs)

East Champ- Miami Heat. (Dammit)

West Champ- Minnesota Timberwolves (wouldn’t that rule?) Nahhh Oklahoma City Thunder.

NBA Champ- Oklahoma City Thunder (pleasepleasepleaseplease).

Finals MVP- Kevin Durant.

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