An Adieu to Drunkenness: The Conclusion of My Sloshed Escapades

When I was 17, I had my very first beer. I had my very first beer I purchased, with a fake id. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.

Actually, I never drank in high school. I think it’s safe to say now that the only reason I was able to get super wasted for the first time was because my dad gave me a bunch of his old liquor that he didn’t want anymore. My first year of college, my friends and I got all wasted off of peach schnapps, Beefeater, and some sort of really shitty scotch whiskey. I don’t have to tell you, it was a bloodbath. I’m not sure if that particular night is documented, but I know for sure that the second time I ever got drunk, we recorded a bunch of it. It was pretty sloppy.

Compared to other people, I really don’t do a lot of heavy drinking. I drink, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t really get totally plastered all that often. Usually, I only do it for special occasions. When I moved for Japan though, all bets were off. Getting drunk in Japan was something I really enjoyed doing. It always led to a story. I met interesting people and got into interesting situations. I think part of the reason drinking in Japan was so fun was that you could drink on the street. If you haven’t experienced getting drunk in broad daylight on a public street, I suggest you find a place where you can do it. Preferably in an urban area. Yea, some of my best stories come from being wasted in Japan. I have absolutely no regrets from any of my drunken escapades. As of recently though….

Well, I still haven’t done anything TOTALLY regrettable, but it’s been close. I feel like when I get really wasted now, I not only getting kind of out of control but I also have been getting more obnoxious. I have certain friends that I only see when I go downtown. When I go downtown is when I usually get the most drunk. So basically their only exposure of me is when I am totally smashed. Granted, they too are smashed but they aren’t the ones that are being douches like I am. I was able to embarrass them from my drunkenness. It is pretty hard to embarrass another drunk person (can’t go into that Subway anymore). I just don’t like how I act in my super drunken state, anymore. I enjoy being able to say that I have never gotten into trouble from being drunk. I’d like to keep it that way. I used to be just a laughing moron when I drank heavily. Now I’m more like a tornado of obnoxiousness when I drink. I’m getting too old for all of this. On top of all of that, I really am sick of hangovers. I have essentially figured out how not to have all day, can’t move hangovers, but I still don’t like how I feel the next day. I feel slow, weak and tired. It eats up the whole second day just because I need to nap most of it away. Now that I have a job, I kind of like to do things on the weekends. I don’t know. I’m sure my friends won’t believe all of this. They probably don’t even think I am THAT bad when I am drunk. I’m over it though. Don’t want to do it anymore. Not going to. I know my buzz, to heavy buzz limit. That’s my golden zone. I can still have control with all the good drunk feelings. TIME TO SAY GOODBYE TO MY BLACKOUT DAYS. I’d post a drunken picture of myself in memoriam on here, but my mom might have a heart attack about me losing my job or something. Just know, they are out there and they are messy. So goodbye sloppy drunk Keith. Shine on you crazy diamond.

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5 thoughts on “An Adieu to Drunkenness: The Conclusion of My Sloshed Escapades

  1. scottodactyl says:

    I still enjoy getting drunk, because it makes me feel good (while I’m doing it), and makes me think a different way (I enjoy watching movies drunk, I often have a different perspective and feel more raw emotion). And when I’m in a large group (particularly with people I don’t know) it makes me infinitely times more sociable and witty. And that’s not just me *thinking* I’m funnier when I’m drunk yet in actuality I’m like peeing my pants and breaking things, people have actually told me to my face I’m a funny drunk.

    Sure, there were the angry days, which were non-coincidentally also the lonely days. And like everyone in history who has gotten drunk five or more times, I have regrets about certain things.

    Maybe 27-28 is a little old for reckless blackout drinking, but I like to think that young gentlemen should probably enjoy their drinking years until they turn 30. Then maybe get your shit together.

    In the old days, the single days, the classic Scott hermit days, I would get blackout drunk by myself in my bedroom at my parents house and watch action or play PS3 poker games. Pretty much every weekend. Now that I actually have someone to prevent me from being lonely, I haven’t gotten super drunk by myself in many, many months. I still drink about once a week, because like I said, it’s a fun activity for an indoorsman like myself.

    If it makes you feel physically ill, though… sure, go ahead and stop. Get a heavy buzz and stop there, or don;t drink at all. I’d still enjoy hanging out with you pretty much every Friday if you didn’t drink at all, because you’re fun when you don;t drink as well.

    On that note:

    • dinosaurboner says:

      THANKS BUDDY. Yea, I don’t really think everyone should think the same way as I do when it comes to what I think is appropriate for whatever age. I mean, I have people tell me regularly that I shouldn’t be watching cartoons or playing video games. I DON’T PLAN TO STOP DOING EITHER. Just gotta do what makes you happy. Getting totally smashed doesn’t provide me with the same enjoyment as it once did. The cons now outweigh the pros for me. Still look forward to seeing you assholes do it though. THAT’S MY PLEASURE

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