Lazy Movie Review: The Collection

The-Collection

Premise:  A serial killer goes to random places and kills everybody except one person, who he takes back to his hideout and makes them into gross displays in his “museum”.  Basic torture porn bullshit.

 

Pros:

-It’s one of those movies that I wasn’t expecting to ever see; as I went into it blind and didn’t even know what it was about.  Had I known what it was about, I probably wouldn’t have went.  I just heard that it’s actually a good horror movie.  That being said, once I actually sit down and watch these kinds of stupid movies, they usually do end up entertaining me enough to where I don’t want to walk out.  That’s a compliment, right?  It wasn’t so bad that I wanted to leave?

-For a crappy horror movie, I must say some of the visuals were pretty stunning.  It wasn’t throughout, but every couple of scenes there would be an amazing moment of cinematography.

-On a related note to that one, there was a scene involving a flickering light that went from pitch black to super bright, and I thought it was really well done.  It was kind of annoying and jarring while it was happening, but it achieved the desired effect.

-They made some effort to make me care about the characters.  But it wasn’t a fully successful effort.  But at least they tried, damn it.

-It was only 80 minutes long.

-Perhaps an uplifting ending?

-Featured a nice cast of “hey, I know that guy from somewhere” type actors, including Shooter McGavin, Bane’s henchman from The Dark Knight Rises, Bubbles from The Wire, and Terry from Wayne’s World.

iknowhim

Cons:

-I hated the villain so much.  I know I was supposed to hate him, but I mean, I really hated him.  He had no goals, and no explanation as to why he does any of what he does, and he doesn’t have any dialogue.  And he’s got the most annoying looking eyeballs I’ve ever seen.  He was more of a frustrating guy than a sinister one.  At least Jason has been established as a hater of teenagers, and Freddy Kruger has a motivating backstory.  This guy just sort of exists for the sole purpose of being in a plotless movie about stupid things.

-Mindless wandering through a torture prison.  That’s basically the entire movie.  This guy spent a lot of time building elaborate booby traps.  Good for him?

-There’s gratuitous nudity, but it’s on dead people, so it’s wasted and gross…

-The villain keeps his collection in an abandoned hotel.  Seems like he has a lot of power generating in that place.  Like, a lot of power.  Perhaps the power company would have noticed this at some point and investigated.  Or maybe the inspector just became part of the collection…?

-Terrible acting.  Especially from the leading actress who looked like a poor man’s Natalie Portman.

-“I have an elite team of agents, we’re going to storm the hotel…”  (BRINGS THREE PEOPLE WITH HIM, THEY ALL DIE EASILY)

 

Final Thoughts:  The Collection isn’t even a Saw knock-off.  It’s a Saw II knock-off.  The one where the criminals are wandering through the house, solving riddles like Scooby Doo.  I thought we were past these stupid torture porn movies getting wide release?  Haven’t we grown as a country yet?  We got through the Japanese horror knock-off phase together, didn’t we?  I thought we were fending off the last of the found footage horror movies…  how did The Collection slip through the cracks?  Well, on that note, at least The Collection wasn’t a found footage film.

5 out of 10

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