I hope you’re all enjoying January, everybody! A winter wonderland of rejected movies that studios are scared to release any other time of the year. In most cases, it seems like a justifiable move, as most January releases are terrible. I actually like that they do this. It’s a heads-up that what you are about to see will be awful. A full month of lowered expectations. Now, I see movies pretty much every weekend, so I’m quite aware that I won’t like what I see this time of the year, but I watch them anyway. Probably out of boredom. In Movie 43’s case, I saw it out of morbid curiosity.
Premise: Hansel & Gretel just… …pretty much… …hunt witches… …the entire movie… (quietly coughs into hand) (stares back at you silently)
I initially thought Mama was a much better than it actually is… When I was walking out of the theater I was sort of beaming. I love watching a horror movie that actually creeps me out a little bit. But a couple of days have passed, and I slowly started to realize that Mama wasn’t a horror revelation of any kind, it was merely just better than most of the terrible horror movies I’m used to seeing.
Premise: It’s a few years after WWII, and Los Angeles is being run by the gangster Mickey Cohen. A team of colorful police officers form a vigilante, off-the-books squad of gangster hunters to ruin Cohen’s business. At one point, Cohen says the line “You know the drill…”, and then his henchmen kill a guy with a power drill. Yes, this is apparently based off of a true story.
I caught a late night showing of Zero Dark Thirty last night, and as I got back home in the wee hours of the morning, I shook the shoulder of my girlfriend who had gone to sleep. (surprised eye open) “Huh, whaaaa, huh?” she said. I replied with a smirk “They got him. Babe, they got him.” “Whaaaat…? What are you… Huh? Got who…?” “They got Osama Bin Laden…” She then gave me an angry grumble and turned over and went back to sleep. I couldn’t help it! I was overly excited and stimulated! Zero Dark Thirty was freakin’ awesome!
In honor of Tarantino’s DJANGO UNCHAINED which dropped in theaters on Christmas Day 2012, the Alamo Drafthouse is going all-out Spaghetti Western at its Austin locations. It started, appropriately, with DJANGO, the 1966 flick starring the blue-eyed beauty Franco Nero. Spaghetti Western nerds were quick to note his cameo in DJANGO UNCHAINED, which was featured in some of the trailers running up to the film’s release.
He’s still a blue-eyed beauty. Its seriously impressive how much he still looks like himself. I know that sounds weird but not all dudes age so well…
The original DJANGO focuses on a former Union soldier, Django, and the mischief he gets into when he decides to exact revenge on a racist Confederate, Major Jackson, and his pack of KKK-like cronies. Django ends up in a small frontier town at the mercy of two factions in the area: Jackson’s racist jerks, and a band of Mexican revolutionaries. The town appears to be made up only of a brothel run by the cowardly but well-meaning Nathaniel who pays protection money to Jackson to keep himself and his ladies alive. Enter Django, who baits Jackson into appearing by killing five of his gang members as they attempt to murder a half-Mexican, half-American whore with ties to both sides. Continue reading
When I was like 12, my family decided to go on vacation to Canada and see Niagara Falls. We got there, and it certainly looked like you’d expect Canada to look. My parents took me to see the waterfall from the upper right observation area. Then we walked about ten minutes and looked at it from a slightly different angle. Then we went on that boat and saw it from the bottom. Then we went to an observatory that was like halfway up. Then we looked at it from the top again. Then we went to the New York side and looked at it from that angle. Eventually I realized that this entire trip was planned to consist only of looking at this stupid heap of falling water. So I started to throw a major stink, and pretty much ruined the remainder of the vacation for the rest of my family. Do I feel bad about it? In retrospect, yes. At the time, no. I’ve since apologized to my dad about it in recent years. But anyway, that was the worst vacation I’ve ever been on. Now, does my Niagara boredom rank up there with getting hit by a tsunami, in terms of the worst vacation ever? I don’t know… I’m just sayin’, at least the tsunami was something interesting. So I watched The Impossible with high scrutiny as I compared it to my trip to Canada.