Background Movies: The Noise While I Work

Try and digest this image for a while.

Try and soak this image in for a while.

As a guy who does most of his work from his home office, I tend to just have the TV on in the background all day while I work.  I turn my head and check out what’s on the TV every so often, and if I’m doing a tedious task that doesn’t involve audio, I can hear what’s going on relatively well.  I usually just leave it on one channel for most of the day, and every so often I’ll change the channel like when I eat lunch or something.  If you’ve never just left your TV on all day, every day, let me tell you…  they play the EXACT SAME movies over and over again for weeks at a time.  This is a list of those movies that keep coming on that I usually check out in random out-of-sequence chunks, until I can piece together a full story in like two weeks time.

So again, as just a disclaimer, I have seen none of the movies listed below all the way through.  Did any of them redeem themselves in the scenes I missed?  I doubt it…  But you tell me…?

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Movie Review: Spring Breakers

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Have you ever wanted to see a movie that starts off with a four-minute slow motion dubstep music video on a beach with a bunch of backwards hat wearing bros chugging beers and topless women deepthroating red, white, & blue popsicles?  I mean, OTHER than The Maltese Falcon, obviously.  Then this movie might be right up your alley!

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Home Alone Music

I live in an three story apartment and I hate it.  I have always hated living in an apartment.  Partially because I can hear neighbors walking around in their rooms and yelling at their kids depressingly loud, but also because they can hear me doing whatever it is I am doing.  I have always been a connoisseur of loud music.  Living in an apartment totally hampers me enjoying this.  Sure, I bought some nice headphones that can really pump out the volume but they just can’t recreate the thump of a subwoofer.  So, when I come home from work and find that all the cars are gone and that everyone in the whole building isn’t home, I like to take advantage.  It’s times like these where I like to really nosh on some crunchy loud tunes.  Here is a list of some of my favorite music to listen to when no one is home.

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Lazy Movie Review: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

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Premise:  Burt Wonderstone and Anton Marvelton were two bullied kids when they grew up.  But one day, Burt gets a magic set from his parents, and they end up forming a successful Las Vegas magic act.  In an effort to get a leg up on their competition, a street magician named Steve Gray, they try a more dangerous stunt and it drives the duo apart.  They get fired, Burt’s life hits rock bottom, and the rest of the movie is spent trying to get back to the top, etc…

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Movie Review: Dead Man Down

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Dead Man Down is a film in which I had NO idea what it was, or what it was about, or who was in it, or who directed it, etc.  Every so often I just like to go see a movie in theaters that I don’t know anything about except its title and the showtime.  Let’s just call the practice “Fandangoing”.  Anyway, what did I find out when I saw this heartwarming little film?

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Movie Review: Oz the Great and Powerful

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As sort of a warning to my perspective on this film, I’m going to be honest and tell you that I fell asleep for a few minutes in the middle.  I can’t say that it was because I saw it at a weird time of the day, or I was “tired” from the night before, or I was too comfortably reclined in my theater seat…  But I feel asleep.  I know it was only one scene I really missed, because I remember the unbearably long scene starting, then I don’t remember anything until I woke up from the sound of my own snore at the end of the scene.  I’ll admit, poor theater etiquette on my part, I’m not very proud of myself.  But I like to think it happened because the middle of this movie is terribly boring.  IT’S THE MOVIE’S FAULT.

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Movie Review: The ABCs of Death

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While I was sure there would be lots of stinkers amidst the interesting concept of The ABCs of Death, I had to give it a look because I’ll give any ambitious horror project the benefit of the doubt.  To sum up what the project is in a nutshell, I’ll simply just retype the opening text disclaimer when the film starts:

The following feature film was created by 26 directors from around the world.  Each director was given a letter of the alphabet and asked to choose a word.  They then created a short tale of death that related to their chosen word.  They had complete artistic freedom regarding the content of their segments.

So that’s a pretty great idea, and I’d love to check that out.  At the very least, probably a small handful of the films will justify the viewing of the whole, kind of like V/H/S.  So I’ll just rate all 26 films on their own merits, and then use the scariest element of all, BASIC MATH, to come up with an overall score for this project.  And let the 2+ hour short film marathon begin!

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Movie Review: Jack the Giant Slayer

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Jack the Giant Slayer is one of those films that didn’t come across to me as the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it certainly ranks up there as one of the most uninspiring.  There were a few scenes, I guess, that were entertaining and probably fell into the category of mindless fun.  But for the most part, as I’m a few days removed from seeing Giant Slayer, all I can remember about it is what was wrong with it.  Which was basically:

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