Lazy Movie Review: Would You Rather

would rather 1

Premise:  A group of eight people who are down on their luck are invited to a rich guy’s mysterious mansion to participate in an unknown contest that he holds every year.  Turns out that it’s a game of “Would You Rather”, and all of the choices are terrible sadistic things like being held underwater for two minutes or lighting off a stick of dynamite in your hand.  It’s basically Sophie’s Choice meets Hostel while being set in a rich guy’s dimly lit dining room.

 

Pros

-Jeffrey Combs (Re-Animator, The Frighteners) god damn rules.  He always has and always will.

-I mean, I guess it’s an interesting concept, and if it was handled less like torture porn it could have been salvaged.  I’d like to think that Hitchcock could have taken the same concept and made a masterpiece in his day.  So I guess I like the bare bones idea of the film.  IN THEORY.

-I suppose the music score wasn’t terrible.

"OK, Madison, you're up next... Would you rather... kiss a FROG on the MOUTH... (snickers) ...OR... stab Brayden in the face multiple times with a screwdriver...?"

“OK, Madison, you’re up next… Would you rather… kiss a FROG on the MOUTH… (snickers) …OR… stab Brayden in the face multiple times with a screwdriver…?”

 

Cons

-The first fifteen minutes of this movie could not have been any more boring.  It was slower than a turtle going uphill on a sand dune.

-Buy a new microphone!  I can barely hear most of the dialogue in the beginning.  That’s some low quality sound mixing right there.

-Iris answers her cell phone in one scene, and it didn’t even ring or vibrate.  Did they forget to insert the sound effect?  It kind of came across as hilariously bizarre.

-God, this movie is overly serious.  It would have been so much better if it had a more absurdist tone.  Jeffrey Combs did his part in that aspect.  If this movie just went off the deep end of sanity, it would have been great.  Think Robert De Niro going insane and laughing maniacally during Russian Roulette in The Deer Hunter, but for 90 minutes.  I’d watch that.  Instead, we have this painfully dull tripe.

-Can we stop trying to make Sasha Grey happen as a real actress?  No one wants that to work out.

That was a quality rescue mission attempt by a side character they didn’t develop at all...

-The eyeball scene…  EWWWW EWWWWWW  EWWW EWW EWW

-I think at some point I would just not make a decision and ask to be shot in the face.  I mean, the threat to get in the water bucket and drown is reenforced by a guy pointing a gun at them…  I’d just be like “Drown?  For real?  Nah, not gonna happen.”  Then I’d make an attempt to steal the gun from the guy with the endgame of either being shot and killed in one second (and NOT drowning slowly), or somehow getting the bad guy’s gun and killing all the assholes in the room.  It seemed like everyone had a third choice: GO FOR THE GUN.

-Wow, what a terrible ending.  If I cared more that would have been a real downer.

-The rich guy has done this game multiple times with multiple people.  It doesn’t make sense in any way how he would never get caught for murdering seven people every year.  Don’t any of these people tell their friends or family that they are going to this mansion over the weekend?  Aren’t their seven missing people cases every year with the common factor of them all going to this one rich guy’s mansion?  “DUHHHH I WONDER IF THE RICH GUY IS KILLING THEM?” says veteran police detective Glaring P. Obvious.  Of course, there are no actual police detectives in this movie because the bad guy wins and the movie ends three minutes later, and no consequence is brought on anyone for some reason.

 

Final Thoughts:  The problem with Would You Rather isn’t that I think it’s too gross or too sadistic, it’s that I think it’s too stupid.  I assume this movie was written in an hour.  Except for maybe a moment or two when I thought “Hmmmm, which terrible thing would I choose if I was in their shoes…?”, the film offers no challenging or complex ideas.  And spending my time deciding whether or not I’d like to drown in a bucket or cut my eye with a razor blade doesn’t make for a nice afternoon.  It’s a movie offering nothing but hypothetical questions, to which the characters have to act upon, but the audience simply has to think about.  And why should we have to?  It’s not like it’s a challenging question, like being forced into choosing between killing your wife or killing your children (the Keyser Soze I call it), it’s deciding whether you’d like to get stabbed, or beaten with a big stick.  How is that a choice?  There’s the same consequence to both actions, and that’s that it will temporarily hurt a lot.  “Oh I have to choose whether I’d die this way or die that way…?  Well, I’m going be dead in two minutes some way, so who gives a crap what I choose?”  There’s no lasting effect to any choice in this movie.   Here’s a “Would You Rather” relevant to this film…  OK, here goes…  Would you rather watch Would You Rather, or would you rather stare at a wall for 90 minutes?  So, you’re basically just choosing whether to be bored one way or be bored another way.  In either scenario, you’re choosing the same end result:  BORING UNINSPIRED GARBAGE.

2.5 out of 10

 

Advertisements

One thought on “Lazy Movie Review: Would You Rather

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s