Lazy Movie Review: Star Trek Into Darkness


Premise:  The reinvented Enterprise crew are back with a full one movie of character development under their belts, and now they meet their most dangerous foe yet; a handsome guy with above average athleticism and blood rich in space vitamins.  Probably from eating future cereal.  Do you think there’s still Cheerios in the future?  I’m sure some cereal has made it to the 23rd century.  Cheerios have always been a pretty popular choice.  I definitely don’t think Cookie Crisp will survive. I think the government will outlaw that stuff eventually.  Plus, I don’t see Benedict Cumberbatch eating Cookie Crisp.  He’s too refined.  He probably just takes one-a-day vitamins.



-I loved the opening scene. It totally reminded me of Indiana Jones, where the first scene starts right in the middle of an almost completely unrelated adventure to the actual story of the film.  I’m not surprised that this happened, as J.J. Abrams has his mouth firmly placed on Spielberg’s  buttcheeks.  Metaphorically of course, they are both happily married men.

-This may very well be the most visually appealing and colorful action film since we saw the Fruity Pebbles glow in the dark planet from Avatar.  Man, I think I just want some cereal right now.

-I really liked the twists and turns the film took. The were some moments when I genuinely felt surprised.  Or moments when I was like “Really, is this how the movie is going to be?  I mean, I GUESS they have the right to do whatever they want, right.”  I rolled with the punches, and for the most part I dug the choicest they made.

-Anything involving the ship doing basically anything was awesome.  It looked way better than last time around, and it looked great before.

-I forgot how much I liked all the characters and their relationships with each other. I probably should have rewatched the ’09 Star Trek again before I saw this.  I love the sassy banter between Kirk and Bones. But also the sassy banter between Spock and Uhura.  But especially the sassy banter between Scotty and that rock midget thing.

-At first I wasn’t all that impressed with Cumberbatch’s villain portrayal, but as he slowly started to get more outwardly maniacal and smirky, his character became one of the more interesting dudes in the film.  Plus, I’m sure that silky baritone voice and those strong face bones were melting all the ladies’ hearts in the theater.  Seriously, was he able to play polo from birth?  I wonder if his parents from the planet Super Britain draped him in what we now know as the regular British flag and left him on a farm in regular Britain. “Me boy saw what yer son Benedict did wit the tram, he did.”  “Oye father, what was oi suppose ta do? Let all dem folks perish?”  “Ayyyye, maybe.”

-Whenever I hear that a movie was actually shot with IMAX film, as was the case with Into Darkness, I make a point to see it in IMAX 3D. And as I assumed would be the case, the IMAX screen and sound were incredible, and the 3D was just alright… But at this point, just being alright is pretty good in 3D standards.  To be fair, the light speed travel stuff looked legitimately cool in 3D.



-I didn’t much care for the conflict resolution at the end of the movie. Don’t get me wrong, I really liked the final action sequence, and the crazy destruction of future San Francisco; but I just didn’t much like how abruptly and unspectacularly the villain was ultimately defeated.

-On that note, I feel like Cumberbatch’s super strength varied from “unstoppable” to “eh, kinda strong I guess” depending on how convenient it was to that particular scene.

-The big emotional moment/twist was genuinely good, but it gets underplayed by the fact that they destroy it, basically with magic, like 20 minutes later.  That could have been a “holy shit” talking point kind of moment had they followed through.

-Wasn’t enjoying how the Klingons looked.

-I guess it lacked the sense of wonder from the ’09 one, but made up for it in other areas.

-There were some plot holes, as is expected from this type of high expectation franchise film.  But nothing that destroyed the experience.

-Yeah, Alice Eve’s character merely seemed like a pointless excuse to show a woman in her underpants.  Didn’t get much else out of the character.  They were NICE underpants, I guess?  Probably got them at Future Victoria Secret.  That’s where all space scientists / weapons experts shop.


Final Thoughts:  Easily one of the more entertaining films I’ve seen this year.  Even though I think the movie would have been better had they not done a quick, Iron Man 3-esk wrap up at the end, I suppose it didn’t matter.  In an interview on Stern last week, Abrams said he was making a movie more for regular movie fans than for hardcore Trekkies.  Since I’m not a Trekkie at all, I didn’t mind whatever liberties they took with any of the original concepts.  I wouldn’t go as far as to call this a mindless summer movie; because if this is mindless, then what would we call Fast and the FuriSIX next week?  We need to have a basis of comparison here, people.  Also, missed title opportunity there, Universal.  And for the record, I plan on living life in the fast lane next weekend, if not only to experience a sixth weekend in a row of loud noises and explosions.  Must keep the summer of hearing loss going for as long as possible.

8.5 out of 10

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