My Cough Drops Are Trying to Pressure Me Into Unwanted Sex

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So I got sick this week…  I think I can narrow the source down to last weekend, when I arm wrestled a girl who had recently brought home a stomach flu virus from India (I WON IN ARM WRESTLING, BY THE WAY, AND I LET HER USE BOTH HER ARMS.  USA!  USA!  USA!).  Regardless, I’ve been medicating myself all week.  Upon purchasing some Halls cough drops, though, I was a little surprised when I opened the bag and the cough drops started to send me subtle messages, that came across to me as rather “rapey”.  Like the creepy devil sitting on my shoulder, the medicine started whispering awful things into my diseased ears.

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