Lazy Movie Review: Epic


Premise: So this girl gets shrunken down to a few inches tall, and gets caught up in this war about destroying the forest or something broad like that, and then everything works out in the end or whatever and she becomes big again.  The ticket prices were EPIC, though… $28 for two adults and a kid at 11am on a Sunday…!   Plus, it’s from the Ice Age animation studio… (fart noise)   At least the whole movie wasn’t just a dream sequence or something.



-As far as mindless children’s entertainment goes, you could do worse.  Probably 80% of the film is made up of action scenes.  That keeps it watchable throughout.

-There’s actually good 3D during the movie.  Like every 5 minutes or so it seemed as if they made good use of the technology.

-The environments look pretty good for the most part.  They got a lot of the little details looking pretty good.

-Even though the villain barely has any lines in the movie, the decision to cast Christoph Waltz as the voice was awesome.  He’s someone who brings no pleasure to the children in the audience, but made me smile with his creepy Austrian accent.  I kept wondering when Mandrake was going to philosophically compare the leaf people to rats, then choke out a minor character in a back room.

-If you’re forced to include comic relief slugs into your movie, you can do worse than Aziz Ansari and Chris O’Dowd as the voices.  Aziz provided the most consistent jokes aimed at the adults in the crowd, while at the same time also offering up the cheapest physical gags aimed at toddlers.

-I’m noticing now that Blake from Workaholics had a voice in this movie.  I approve of this, much like I did of the Workaholics’ cameo in Arrested Development.

-It surprisingly brought up an interesting, thought-provoking idea, that smaller creatures actually exist in a different plane of speed than humans do.  So like a fly or a chipmunk can escape our clutches because they see us happening in slow motion.  Scientifically, it’s probably stupid, but it works for the movie, and offers up some neat action scenes with the main characters interacting with slow motion larger things while they move at regular speed.  I wasn’t expecting this movie to make me think about things at all.  Kudos.

-“We better leave now, before the chipmunks show up…” is a pretty great line.

I'm just as surprised as you are that he's not skateboarding on a leaf.

I’m just as surprised as you are that he’s not skateboarding on a leaf to a Smashmouth song.


-There was a questionable weirdness to most of the casting in the movie; like making Colin Farrell the main character?  I guess?  But let me just throw these three names out there, as they all had vocal parts in the movie: Beyonce, Steven Tyler, and Pitbull…  …Pitbull plays a gangster toad, and I’m completely surprised that the toad character didn’t end up trying to sell the audience vodka and sub sandwiches.

-20 minutes too long.

-Does this movie have a message?  I’m not so sure it does…  The bad guys that are destroying the forest are just other inhabitants of the forest.  So it’s not a human vs. nature conflict.  I honestly think it’s just a mindless movie about a generic fantasy war over a few square aces of trees.  I guess it’s an anti-bat film?  Stupid bats.  Let’s kill all the bats!

-This wasn’t a musical, but there was one character-sung song in the movie, by Steven Tyler (the glowworm), and it was terrible.

-Character design was extremely bland.

-I hope you like staring at green shit.

-Is this one of the laziest titles ever thought up for a film?  Or is this THE laziest title ever thought up for a film?  They might as well have called it “Action Cartoon 3D”.

-The most interesting, well-developed character in the whole movie was a three-legged pug with one eye named Ozzie.  The person who owns this car I pulled up behind the last week probably liked that though:

Welcome to Westmont, IL

Welcome to Westmont, IL


Final Thoughts:  This movie is about as memorable as its title.  I bet most of you didn’t even know this movie existed.  I’m clearly not the target demographic, but these children’s’ films should also be providing quality entertainment for the adults that have to take the kids to them , as well.  80s/90s Disney and 2000’s Pixar proved this is very possible to achieve, so it should be considered critically every time.  And Epic only kept me entertained about 60% of the time.  So, I’ll give it an appropriate score to reflect that.  But I guarantee that I’ll forget I saw this movie in about a week, though.

6 out of 10

One thought on “Lazy Movie Review: Epic

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s