The 107 Films I’ve Seen From 2013

Christian Bale;Amy Adams;Bradley CooperI blew my numbers out of the park this year!  I saw 26 more films this year than I did last year.  I think that can be because of the fact I started working freelance from home in 2013, and basically made my own hours, so I was able to check out a handful more movies.  It might be a numbers game of just seeing more films, but last year I gave 6 films an “A” grade, and this year I gave 8 films an “A”.  Last years “B’s” were 24 films, and this year had 30.  But then last year had 34 “D” or “F” films, and this year had 48.  So does that mean this year was worse than last year?  I once again don’t know, and numbers still make my head hurt.

So here’s my list of the 107 films I saw that were released in 2013, in order, and with some grades.  And like an overstuffed public school classroom, a lot of people didn’t get very good grades.  It also doesn’t include Inside Lleywn Davis, because I guess a critically acclaimed new film by the super accomplished Coen Bros still only warrants a limited release…?  JUST PLAY IT AROUND ME ALREADY.  I’M TRYING TO THROW MONEY AT YOU.  I also think I’m gonna wait for Netflix on Walter Mitty and 47 Ronin.  I’m just not that enthused to watch them anytime soon.

If any of the grades don’t match the score of the original review, it’s probably because I’ve rewatched it and/or changed my view on it.  Here’s to another year of good filmmaking!  Let’s hope 2014 doesn’t get too depressing!

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Movie Review:: Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

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It’s kind of hard to write a fleshed-out review of Anchorman 2, as comedy is subjective, and that’s especially the case with a comedy sequel.  More so, this is also a film that isn’t so hysterically funny that I’m struggling to type correctly because my stomach is still convulsing with laughter, nor is it a bad comedy that is so terrible that I want to belittle the writers and actors for doing such a horrible job.

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Lazy Movie Review:: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

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Premise:  Bilbo and the dwarves are back for another adventure!  Woo hoo!  This time they try to answer the important question: What has Orlando Bloom been up to since the last time we saw him?  My guess was that he’s was in Lord of the Rings 10 years ago, then he was in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies after that, and somewhere in the middle he was in that one movie with a terrible name that no one saw, Elizabethtown.  The real answer to that question (after looking him up on Wikipedia) is he’s been in almost twenty movies since Return of the King, 90% of which I’ve never heard of.  I don’t know why I decided to bring down Orlando Bloom to start this off, I wasn’t planning on it, it just sort of happened.  Anyway, it’s nice to see Legolas again.

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Lazy Movie Review: Out of the Furnace

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Premise:  Russell (Christian Bale) is a mill worker in Pennsylvania (I think) who has a haphazard mistake occur, and lands himself some prison time.  Meanwhile, his brother Rodney (Casey Affleck) is a former marine who know finds himself struggling to get a job, and without his big brother around to help pay off debts, he tangles himself up in a bare-knuckle boxing ring fronted by a crazy New Jersey redneck named Harlan (Woody Harrelson).  Now old-Batman has to try to find out what happened to new-Batman’s little brother.

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The 10 Most Forgettable Movies of 2013

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I’ve always kind of wanted to go back through all of my reviews for a year, and see which movies I’ve basically forgotten that I even watched because they made little to no impact on me whatsoever.  That doesn’t necessarily mean that these are the worst movies of the year, because I actually remember a bunch of movies as being memorably terrible; like The Lone Ranger, R.I.P.D. and After Earth.  When I look back at 2013, I will remember the noticeable atrocities.  But these movies probably won’t even be remembered for being bad, as they won’t be remembered at all

I’ll try to recall as much as I can about these films (some of which I only saw a couple of months ago), but I’ll probably be pretty spoilery in the process, so skip over any movie you ever plan on watching.

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Movie Review: Nebraska

NEBRASKAA few times a year I go to what I like to call a “senior discount showing.”  One of those movies where I’ll go to an 11 am screening of something, and the theater will still be 3/4ths sold out, and I’ll be the youngest person there by thirty years.  I guess it’s because old people don’t want those disrespectful youths being rowdy with all their cell phones and skateboards and sticking their tongues out and whatnot.  I’m sure the 8 pm screening of an Alexander Payne film is like an orgy of people yelling, blasting rap music, and throwing eggs at the theater screen.  Kids just can’t handle the nuanced dialogue and deep character development, it turns them into animals!  That’s not to say that the 11 am screening is without its annoyances.  As one of the people who doesn’t need a hearing aid, I can get a good sampling of the sounds of the elderly.  The mucus-filled coughs, the “HUH’s?”, the constant popcorn jangling (seriously 80% of old people buy popcorn).  And Nebraska was an extra special senior discount showing, because it was a theater filled with old people watching a movie ABOUT old people.  That’s like some Inception levels of geriatric layering.  …Oldception?  Ok, I’ll see myself out.

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