The 10 Most Forgettable Movies of 2013

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I’ve always kind of wanted to go back through all of my reviews for a year, and see which movies I’ve basically forgotten that I even watched because they made little to no impact on me whatsoever.  That doesn’t necessarily mean that these are the worst movies of the year, because I actually remember a bunch of movies as being memorably terrible; like The Lone Ranger, R.I.P.D. and After Earth.  When I look back at 2013, I will remember the noticeable atrocities.  But these movies probably won’t even be remembered for being bad, as they won’t be remembered at all

I’ll try to recall as much as I can about these films (some of which I only saw a couple of months ago), but I’ll probably be pretty spoilery in the process, so skip over any movie you ever plan on watching.

 

10.  We’re the Millers

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What do I remember about it?  Jason Sudeikis plays the most laid back drug dealer ever.  There’s a dorky kid who follows him around.  Jennifer Aniston is a stripper and does a pointless striptease for terrorists in a warehouse, and Sudeikis winks at the camera partway through it.  The teen boy gets a spider bite on this testicles after singing “Waterfalls” by TLC.  Definitely don’t remember how the movie ended, but I assume Sudeikis and Aniston got together.

 

9.  Sharknado

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What do I remember about it?  Some guy kills a shark with a bar stool.  Another guy kills a shark with a chainsaw.  There were lots of bad CG effects.  I remember it was trying way too hard to be a bad movie.  Didn’t they like shoot bombs into the Sharknado to destroy the wind or something stupid like that?  It was very grey looking.

 

8.  The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

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What do I remember about it?  Jim Carrey was funny in everything he did, but he wasn’t in it for very long.  Ummm…  Burt and his partner Steve Buscemi had a falling out.  And…  Olivia Wilde’s character fell in love with Burt Wonderstone a little too easily.  I’m also remembering a scene where Steve Carrell is yelling in a glass box.

 

7.  Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

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What do I remember about it?  Hansel is a diabetic from eating too much of the candy house when he was a kid.  There was a big troll puppet dude.  I couldn’t tell you how this movie ended if you put a gun to my head.  I remember questioning why this movie ever even got made.

 

6.  G.I. Joe Retaliation

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What do I remember about it?  C-Tates dies in the first 5 minutes.  There’s an underground bunker where the government spends probably billions of dollars to imprison three super villains, instead of just killing them.  The Rock blows things up.  Bruce Willis was there, I remember him shooting a machine gun out of the back of a pickup truck.  Also, ninjas fighting on a mountain.

 

5.  Gangster Squad

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What do I remember about it?  To be fair, this was the first movie I saw in 2013, but yeah, I don’t remember much at all.  Really, like almost nothing.  What I remember most is the ending confrontation with Josh Brolin and Sean Penn in a park or something.  Baby Goose was there, but I can’t recall what his purpose was in the movie.  I assume he was the smooth talking agent.

 

4.  Dark Skies

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What do I remember about it?  Birds flew into their house.  Kerri Russell smashed her head against a window.  In the end, the kid’s voice ends up on the radio.  Aliens are jerks for no reason.  Nothing else.

 

3.  The Host

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What do I remember about it?  People have alien eyes.  There’s a corn field underground.  Everyone acted really blandly.  Was there a love triangle?  I want to say there was a love triangle.

 

2.  Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III

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What do I remember about it?  Charlie Sheen was reminiscing about past lovers.  I think he drove a hot dog car?  He drove some sort of wacky car.  The plot of this movie or anything specific about it has completely left my brain.  I definitely forgot Bill Murray and Jason Schwartzman were in this until I started looking for a picture to accompany this post.

 

1.  Dead Man Down

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What do I remember about it?  It was a WWE Films Production.  It had Colin Farrell and Noomi Rapace.  She had a face scar.  Uhhhhh…  There was violence?  I kind of remember wondering why this wasn’t a straight to video release?

Maybe I should down some more ginkgo biloba…?

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