Here’s Every Joke From the First 30 Minutes of ‘A Haunted House’ Over Explained

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UHHHHHHHGGGGGG

This was a terrible idea that took forever that I couldn’t bring myself to finish.

1.  Marlon Wayans opens up his new camera, and says he will film everything with this, from Christmas, to New Years, to “vagina.”  This implies he plans on making a sexual tape with his partner.

2.  He then says when his girlfriend moves in, he will be putting his “dick in jail.”  This means that he is uncomfortable with the fact that he will have to be monogamous with his partner.

3.  He then introduces us to his Latin housekeeper Rosa, and proceeds to do a spanish salsa dance.  This of course furthers the stereotype that most housekeepers are of Spanish decent.

4.  He then introduces us to his dog, and holds the dog up pretending that it’s talking “I’m gonna hump your leg when you get home, and lick you with my dog ball mouth.”  This covers two comedy bases, the first being that it’s humorous that a dog would talk because they can’t.  The second is that common dog behavior like humping and licking their own testicles are humorous to humans.

5.  The dog then gets run over by his girlfriend as she pulls into the driveway.  Marlon Wayans then starts to give a dog puppet CPR, because it is humorous for a human to give a dog CPR.  Also, it’s a dog puppet, so that’s also funny because we, the audience, clearly see that it’s a puppet.

6.  He then uses jumper cables on the dog to try to shock it back to life, which is comical, because logically, that wouldn’t work.

7.  He then runs to down the street crying and yelling “Meet me at the hospital!”, then turns around and says “Oops, the hospital is that way.”  It’s funny because he briefly ran in the wrong direction.

8.  Shiloh (the dog) has died, and his tombstone says “All Dogs Go to Heaven.”  This is hilarious because it is a reference to the 1989 animated film of the same name.

9.  Marlon Wayans yells “Shiloooooooh!” at the grave site while looking up at the sky.  This is a comedic take on the popular camera shot used in many action and superhero films where characters yell upwards after losing a close relation.

10.  “Hi my name is Keysha Davis and I’m a hoarder.”  This is a reference to the popular television show “Hoarders.”  This kind of joke is commonly used in cheap comedy, where simply by saying the name of something that the (often unintelligent) audience knows *exists*, then they will laugh because they have heard of that thing.  No actual joke is said.  That’s the beauty of it.

11.  Marlon Wayans finds the urn of Keysha’s dead grandfather as they are unpacking.  She says “put it in the other room, he liked to watch TV”, to which Marlon replies “He’s dead, what’s he going to watch, American Horror Story?”  This is funny because it implies that a ghost would watch a television show that often features ghosts or other supernatural elements, because it would have that common interest.

12.  The Spanish housekeeper then says something in Spanish to the Keysha, and one of the words resembles, but is not, the word “n*****”.  So the girlfriend gets angry and says “Did she just call me a n*****?”  This is comedy gold because it both points out our lack of understanding to a language different from ours, and also the sensitivity that African Americans have to the N-word.

13.  She then asks if Marlon Wayans is “Banging Rosa”, and if he has “Some Schwarzenegger s*** going on”.  This is a comedic reference to the popular news story that Arnold Schwarzenegger has sexual relations and a child with his Spanish housekeeper.

14.  Keysha is eating a large hamburger and Marlon looks on suspiciously.  It is funny because normally in a relationship, the male eats more than the female, but here it is the reverse.

15.  Keysha says she is hearing things and would like to know if Marlon would have her back if a ghost showed up?  To which he responds “Of course I would, unless he had a gun.”  This implies that Marlon is scared of gun violence, and also points out a comedic thought that a ghost would have a gun, which they most often do not.

16.  Marlon gives us, the audience, a “sex tutorial” before he plans on having intercourse with his girlfriend.  He then proceeds to simulate lewd sexual acts with a stuffed animal on the bed (a dog).  This is funny, because he is doing overexaggerated sexual acts that normal people do not do, and is also doing them not with his partner, but with a children’s toy.

17.  He then brings in another stuffed animal (also a dog), and repeats the humor of the previous joke, but now he is implying that a threesome is occurring.

18.  He then introduced a stuffed duck toy into the mix, continuing the humor of the last two jokes, but with higher comedic intensity due to the fact that a duck is now involved.

19.  His girlfriend then comes out of the bathroom where she was preparing for bed, not in sexy attire, but rather an over-sized t-shirt, pajama pants, hair rollers, and facial cream.  This is funny because he thought she was going to come out in risqué sexual clothing, but she instead did the opposite.

20.  She asks him what is wrong with her outfit, and he says “Nothing if you live in a box under the freeway.”  This is referring to the common perception that homeless people live in dire conditions under raised freeways.  He then makes her hold up a sign that says “Will Work for Food” and then have her say “Spare change?”  He is implying that his girlfriend looks homeless, in jest.

21.  A title card similar to that of the Paranormal Activity films comes up in the bedroom, where it gives a date and time.  Normally when this occurred in those films, a scary moment would occur in the bedroom, where the camera was on.  In this film, a few seconds pass, and then the girlfriend farts so hard that the sheets move up in an exaggerated fashion.  This is both a spoof of the tense moments of the Paranormal Activity films, and also plays on the fact that many people find flatulence to be very comical.

22.  She then farts again.  And then again.  He asks “what crawled up your ass and died?”  Implying that the odor of her breaking wind is so strong, that it smells like a rotting corpse of an animal.

23.  He then starts spraying the air with air freshener, and she farts again while he does this.  She is farting way more than a normal person would, thus making it hilarious.

24.  He then says “It’s alive!” Implying that the farts are happening so frequently and without warning that perhaps her rear end has a mind of its own.

25.  He is now crying, which is funny because men typically don’t usually cry over such small things.

26.  Marlon says coyly to the camera the next day “We didn’t have sex, she didn’t cook anything, and she killed my dog.  But other than that, things are going great with the move in!”  This is funny because he is having doubts about his girlfriend moving in, but didn’t outwardly say that.  He instead said the opposite in sarcasm.

27.  Keysha says “I think we have a ghost.” and Marlon responds “You have a ghost in your ass.”  This is referring to the previous night when she passed gas a humorously frequent amount of times, and that perhaps her rear end is haunted with some sort of flatulent ghost.

28.  Keysha’s keys weren’t in her purse, and instead on the floor when she woke up, and she uses a Spanish accent to potentially blame Rosa.  This is funny because accents are comedy gold, and also refers to the stereotype that Latin people and/or maids are known to be thieves.

29.  The security guys show up, and one of them has comically large glasses that magnify his eyes.  This is funny because it gives him a humorous appearance.

30.  The security guy becomes agitated that he is on camera, because “he’s already on a reality show.”  This is a reference to a common occurrence in our culture where a high number uninteresting and/or undeserving people often get their own reality television shows.

31.  He then asks if the “owner is home”  and is surprised to learn that the owner is Marlon Wayans.  This is a joke about the common stereotype that many misinformed white Americans have that an African American could not secure enough funds to own their own residence.

32.  The white security worker then asks if Marlon has cornbread and watermelon at his pool parties, very nonchalantly.  This is a stereotype that African Americans have a great fondness for those two food items.

33.  He then asks Marlon if he can say the N-word.  And Marlon tells him that if he does, he will “punch him in the face.”  This is comical because the white person really wants to say the word that is typically off limits to speak aloud, especially around another African American, and doing so would result in violence.

34.  The white guy then refers to Marlon’s penis as a “black mamba.”  This is funny because he is not only naming the color of his skin, but is also in turn referring to the length and size of the other man’s penis has similar to the shape of a large snake.  A common stereotype is that African American’s have large penises.

35.  The security guy then goes up for a high five, and Marlon is reluctant to give him one, but does after a few seconds.  The security guy then says “Holla!”  This sequence is humorous because it shows the African American man’s discomfort with how open the caucasian man is with his racial stereotypes, topped off with the caucasian man saying a phrase commonly reserved only for people interested in African American pop culture.

36.  The security guy then rants about how Marlon can watch his girlfriend do “girl things” on the now installed hidden cameras.  This implies that it would be comical to watch his girlfriend potentially masturbate on camera, or at least walk around in the nude.

37.  Then the security guy starts crying because *he* caught his wife cheating on him with hidden cameras.  This is comical because we are laughing at the misfortune of an already established hateful character.  It’s also funny, again, because of watching a grown man cry, which doesn’t typically happen, given society’s obsession with over-masculinity.

38.  The security guy then says he has his own ghost reality show called “Ghost Guys.”  Which is “trademarked” so “don’t get any funny ideas”.  This is comical because that is a poor title for a television show, but the security man still has pride for creating this poor title.

39.  As he’s leaving, the security guys says to his associate “You know they’re shooting porn in there, right?”  This is a reference to many couples’ tendency to shoot amateur pornography in the comfort of their own homes.

40.  Marlon creates a moving camera by attaching it to a rotating fan, and he says “Call me NigGyver.”  This is reference to the popular 1980s television show Macgyver, whose title character used to put together ingenious contraptions out of several small objects, but it is mixed with the fact that Marlon is African American and is open about using the N-word.

41.  Once the couple leaves the house, Rosa sweeps all of the dirt she was gathering with he broom under a rug.  This is funny because she is not doing her job correctly, comically at the expense of her employers.

42.  She is then next seen drinking a beer and laughing on the phone to her friend “These stupid motherf***ers don’t think I speak English.”  Which is funny because again, she is slacking off at her job at the expense of her employers, and lying about information to them as well.

43.  Then she is next seen with three topless women sorting cocaine on the couple’s dining room table, which is a comical stereotype that Latin people often deal in drugs; notably cocaine.  And she *still* is slacking off at the expense of her employers, this time while potentially exposing them to serious criminal charges.

44.  Now Rosa is getting a leaf blower blown on her genitals by a Mexican yard worker with a trucker hat and a big bushy mustache, and then he moves in for intercourse.  this is comical because it furthers the stereotypes of Mexican labor, mainly that they are often in the field of manual yard work.

45.  Then the couple comes home and she is back to doing housework.  This is funny because she was doing a lot of delinquent behavior right before they walked in, and now she is under the guise of being a great worker.

46.  Now they have two white friends over and are all swimming in the pool, and the white husband yells to his wife to “show us your tits,” which she does.  This is funny because she flashed her breasts in a rather uninhibited fashion.

47.  Marlon tells his white friend in private, “Once Keysha moved in, it’s like her vagina moved out.”  This is a funny comment because it implies that he no longer has intercourse with his girlfriend now that they live together.

48.  Then there’s an extended scene of the white friend (Steve, I’ve finally learned is his name) trying to convince Marlon to swap girlfriends with him, but he keeps phrasing it like he doesn’t really mean it, because Marlon keeps saying no.  This is funny because Steve clearly does want to swap girlfriends.

49.  Steve’s girlfriend mentions how she and Keysha got drunk in college and made out.  This is funny because homosexuality can be humorous to people who are unfamiliar with it.

50.  Steve’s girlfriend then recommends them a psychic who could help them with their ghost problem.  She says the psychic told her “She would soon be surrounded by big black ghosts.”  And followed it up by saying “Vaginas crossed!”  This is comical because it implies that she is unhappy with making love to Steve, and would hope to seek the pleasure of the ghosts the psychic would be talking about, who will undoubtedly be black, and have stereotypical large penises.  Because many women find larger penises to be more pleasurable than small ones.

51.  Steve then asks Marlon in private if he could call up some of his “large black friends” for his girlfriend’s upcoming birthday, so they could have a “mandingo party.”  This furthers the previous joke, but is more comical because now we know that Steve is fully aware that he is an inadequate lover to his partner, yet he accepts and embraces it.

52.  Steve’s girlfriend then kisses Keysha goodbye on the mouth for an extended period of time, and pulls up her g-string underpants into her butt crack.  This is funny because it reinforces the running joke that this woman is wild and promiscuous.

53.  Now the camera is panning through a bathroom, which is a big mess of women’s styling products.  Marlon says “This is like a ghetto Rite Aid.  A Wrong Aid.”  This is hilarious because it’s a play on words.  Rite Aid is a pharmacy store that sells many of the products he is observing in front of his camera, but since he disapproves of the mess, he then implies that the first part of the store title “Rite” is actually spelled “Right”, and implies a meaning of correctness, and then proclaims it’s the opposite of correct, and calls it “Wrong Aid.”

54.  Then we see a bath tub full of shaved hair, and Marlon asks, “Did you shave a yeti?”  Which is funny because yetis are mythical creatures known to be very hairy.  Much hairier than humans.

55.  Then he asks “Did you shave your legs with a weed wacker?”  This is funny because he is implying that Keysha has so much hair, and caused such a great mess, that she used an industrial lawn equipment tool to shave her legs, instead of a usual razor, which would logically be impossible.

56.  Then he asks “Were you covered in Apollo Creed’s chest hair?”  This is funny because Apollo Creed (a character from the Rocky movie franchise) had hair that is similar looking to the leg hair he is observing.  He is saying Creed’s head hair looks like her leg hair, which is uproariously funny.

57.  Now he walks in on Keysha having a bowel movement on the toilet, and when asked why she didn’t close the door, she says she is claustrophobic.  He then says he is “asstrophobic”.  This is funny because claustrophobia is a fear of tight spaces, and by changing the first part of the word to “ass” he is implying that he has a fear of Keysha’s rear end, and the (most likely) foul smells that are coming out of it.

58.  When Keysha notices that the camera is still on before they are about to have intercourse, she tells him to turn it off.  Marlon then says that by having a sex tape, Keysha could become famous like Kim Kardashian, and potentially get her own perfume line called “Stink by Keysha.”  This is funny because he is once again implying that Keysha’s gas and/or bowel movements have a rather pungent odor.

59.  The camera turns back on after the timecode moves only a few seconds, and now Marlon is sweaty and exhausted.  This is hilarious because it implies that he is a premature ejaculator, and not very good at making love to his partner.

60.  Now Marlon is gleefully watching tape of them making love on the surveillance computer and Keysha tells him to delete it.  This is comical because he filmed her having sexual relations without her permission.

61.  Then the door moves in the sex footage, and she asks him “Did you see that?”  And he says “Yeah, I call that the tornado.”  This is funny because he was talking about the sexual intercourse, and not the moving door, which is what she asked about.

62.  He then says that the next move he’d like to do is “the Earthquake.” And he proceeds to shake his genitals really fast.  This is funny because it’s an unrealistic sexual position, and his body movements are comical to look at.

And then I realized I was only a third of the way through this movie, so I had to shut it off before I killed myself.

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