Movie Review: Frozen

frozen 1

You’d be surprised how hard it is to find a screenshot from this movie that *isn’t* the snowman.

I think I experienced Frozen in the best way possible at the theaters; almost three months after it came out, on a Tuesday at 10 pm.  In other words, there were no annoying kids there.  In fact, there was nobody else there.  I think I’m of the age (29) and appearance (slobbenly and with beard) that no one would understand why I was watching this children’s film, so I’m glad no one was there to judge.

Also, despite the fact that it has earned an Academy Award nomination, is insanely popular, has made over $350 million, IN ADDITION to me seeing countless advertisements and trailers; going into this movie I had *no* idea what it was even about, other than it had a dopey looking snowman giggling like a freak.  As far as I knew, this whole movie was about a snowman singing songs to a moose.

I don’t think I’ve seen a Disney princess movie since Mulan (wait, does Brave count? I consider that Pixar), and Frozen pretty much does the bare minimum plot requirements to fulfill Disney princess storytelling.  To be fair, it does a great job of being a 1990s Disney animated story, but with computer animated technology.  A few times during the film, I tried to imagine the animation was hand drawn and in the style of Aladdin, and I was like “Oh yeah, this story could have been released in 1995.”  But, unlike any of those classic 90s Disney movies I used to watch on frequent repeat on VHS when I was a kid, Frozen was somewhat less inspiring.  It wasn’t super creative, I suppose.

This wasn't from the movie, but it came up in the Google image search for "Frozen", and I thought you should see it.

This wasn’t from the movie, but it came up in the Google image search for “Frozen”, and I thought you should see it.

The music wasn’t bad, though, but it also wasn’t “I Can’t Wait To Be King”, “Under the Sea”, or “You Ain’t Never Had a Friend Like Me.”  The songs felt very theater production-y.  I’m not surprised that this is getting transformed into a Broadway show, because it felt like they wrote it with the clear intention of eventually turning it into a stage show.  I don’t really know who Kristin Chenoweth is, but I assume she’ll have something to do with it.

And as for that snowman (voiced by Josh Gad, a guy everyone tells me is awesome, but I have yet to see evidence of this because I haven’t seen The Book of Mormon), he actually turned out to be the best part of the movie.  Yeah, I know he’s the just token comic relief character, but he was legitimately funny.  His over enthusiastic, self-aware humor sort of raised the film above the blandness a lot of the rest of the movie was sinking to.  But damn, that snowman character design still looks stupid as hell.

I’d recommend seeing Frozen if you have an annoying kid who won’t shut up about it.  It should probably satisfy them for a couple of days.  But don’t buy them candy.  The ticket is all they deserve for how annoying they’re being about wanting to go.  As for you, the adult; you should get a decent amount of entertainment out of it.  It’s not Disney canon, but it’s certainly better than most Dreamworks films.  FUCK SHREK.

7 out of 10

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