Premise: In 1970s Britain, a professor of abnormal psychology is conducting experiments on a girl who he believes has telekinetic powers and/or may have a ghost friend. The film mainly takes the perspective of a cameraman he hires to capture footage of the deranged girl, but the guy has a conscience about the whole thing and sort of falls in love with the test subject and whatever and blah, blah, blah.
-There’s a couple of scenes of tension. They usually fizzle out one way or another, but a couple of them have a nice build up.
-There were also a few moments of restraint, when the most obvious, dumb thing that could have happened didn’t pan out that way.
-I actually didn’t mind that the cinematography switched from a traditionally shot movie to the POV of the cameraman’s film camera. It only switched to the in-film camera when convenient, but it provided at least a semblance of additional effort to not make this a completely flat-looking movie.
-Were those PG-13 nipples? Where were you on that one MPAA? Hey, if Titanic can do it, why can’t this cheaply made British ghost move do it? Good for them.
-I think this movie has finally confirmed that the “Inspired By True Events” tagline just means that the director was inspired to shoot a movie based on the true event of a screenwriter making it up. “Yeah, I totally wrote about those ghosts on my Macbook in a Starbucks last year. It was really scary.”
-The culmination of the final ghost scene in the movie had a monster lunging at the camera before going to a blank screen. This is always the dumbest way to end a horror film, and I hate it every time. EVERY TIME. It really grinds my gears, you guys.
-Basically all of the scares were loud noises that happened off camera. And boy, were there a ton of them. Any given scene, even ones not involving the ghost, would inevitably end with some loud, crashing sound.
-It was kind of boring.
-If you’re going to conduct supernatural experiments, perhaps don’t hold them in a giant, labyrinthian house with poor lighting.
-Aaaaaaaaaaand I’m not sure that ending made any sense.
Final Thoughts: The only reason I chose to see this movie was because I really wanted to go to the theater last weekend, but I don’t think I want to watch a film starring Kevin Costner about the Cleveland Browns, and I’ve heard enough lukewarm things about Transcendence to where I’m just going to wait to stream it on Amazon Prime in 3 months. This is kind of a drab part of the year for movies. The Quiet Ones was basically the exact same low-budget ghost movie I’ve seen 30 times already. It’s bad, yet not painfully bad, but it definitely didn’t bring anything new to the table either. [LOUD FART NOISE OUT OF NOWHERE] [REVIEW READERS JUMP]
5 out of 10