Lazy Movie Review: The Quiet Ones


Premise:  In 1970s Britain, a professor of abnormal psychology is conducting experiments on a girl who he believes has telekinetic powers and/or may have a ghost friend.  The film mainly takes the perspective of a cameraman he hires to capture footage of the deranged girl, but the guy has a conscience about the whole thing and sort of falls in love with the test subject and whatever and blah, blah, blah.



-There’s a couple of scenes of tension.  They usually fizzle out one way or another, but a couple of them have a nice build up.

-There were also a few moments of restraint, when the most obvious, dumb thing that could have happened didn’t pan out that way.

-I actually didn’t mind that the cinematography switched from a traditionally shot movie to the POV of the cameraman’s film camera.  It only switched to the in-film camera when convenient, but it provided at least a semblance of additional effort to not make this a completely flat-looking movie.

-Were those PG-13 nipples?  Where were you on that one MPAA?  Hey, if Titanic can do it, why can’t this cheaply made British ghost move do it?  Good for them.



-I think this movie has finally confirmed that the “Inspired By True Events” tagline just means that the director was inspired to shoot a movie based on the true event of a screenwriter making it up.  “Yeah, I totally wrote about those ghosts on my Macbook in a Starbucks last year.  It was really scary.”

-The culmination of the final ghost scene in the movie had a monster lunging at the camera before going to a blank screen.  This is always the dumbest way to end a horror film, and I hate it every time.  EVERY TIME.  It really grinds my gears, you guys.

-Basically all of the scares were loud noises that happened off camera.  And boy, were there a ton of them.  Any given scene, even ones not involving the ghost, would inevitably end with some loud, crashing sound.

-It was kind of boring.

-If you’re going to conduct supernatural experiments, perhaps don’t hold them in a giant, labyrinthian house with poor lighting.

-Aaaaaaaaaaand I’m not sure that ending made any sense.


Final Thoughts:  The only reason I chose to see this movie was because I really wanted to go to the theater last weekend, but I don’t think I want to watch a film starring Kevin Costner about the Cleveland Browns, and I’ve heard enough lukewarm things about Transcendence to where I’m just going to wait to stream it on Amazon Prime in 3 months.  This is kind of a drab part of the year for movies.  The Quiet Ones was basically the exact same low-budget ghost movie I’ve seen 30 times already.  It’s bad, yet not painfully bad, but it definitely didn’t bring anything new to the table either. [LOUD FART NOISE OUT OF NOWHERE] [REVIEW READERS JUMP]

5 out of 10

One thought on “Lazy Movie Review: The Quiet Ones

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s