Premise: Upon receiving a mysterious piece of mail post dated in 1885 from Doc X, Wolverine must travel back in time in order to save his mentor from being shot to death by Juggernaut in a wild west town. See how I went for the much stupider Back to the Future 3 joke instead of the obvious Back to the Future 1 joke that everyone else is making? I could have easily said this movie was about Wolverine traveling back in time to ensure that Professor X and Magneto fall in love at the Under the Sea dance, or else Cyclops and Jean Grey will vanish from the Polaroid he’s holding. But I didn’t. WE DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY AROUND HERE.
Let me preface this review by telling you about the group of four of the dumbest people I’ve ever encountered. We saw this movie at 10:30 pm on a Wednesday night, and there were about ten or so people in the theater, which is what I expected. We sat in my favorite place to sit (front row of the back section, so I can put my feet up on the railing), and halfway through the second trailer, in stumbled the dumb dumbs. And when I say they were stupid, I’m not just making some judgemental comment because I didn’t like them, I’m giving you a rock solid fact that they were legitimately low in IQ. Like, I’m surprised they were able to drive to the theater without crashing because they couldn’t understand the concepts of yellow and red street lights.
(thinks about all the Chipotles destroyed in the carnage) (sheds a single tear)
I’m back with another Rental Roundup, where I give short reviews of a few movies that are available for convenient home viewing on most streaming and disc rental services. i.e. crap I didn’t want to see in theaters and/or pay money for.
Premise: Spider-Man is back after I don’t quite remember where he left off, since I haven’t seen the first Spider-Man of the new reboot trilogy all the way through since it came out in theaters. But now Peter is dating Gwen Stacy, he’s seeing the ghost of Dennis Leary ALL over the place, and he’s kinda just enjoying being Spider-Man; even if the city doesn’t give much back to him. Unfortunately, a guy has accidentally fallen into a vat of radioactive electric eels, and another guy has taken experimental green super drugs, so now there are two new supervillians roaming the streets of New York. Missing, though, is the stereotypical Italian guy with a tank top holding a pizza while shouting at The Green Goblin “Hey budday, you mess wit Spidah-Man, you mess wit New York!” But you can’t have everything.