Confession Time: 15 Popular Movies I’ve Never Seen

confession00

I see more movies than the average person, but probably less than a psychotic person, but every so often someone will find a movie I haven’t seen and hold it over my head like it’s my job to have seen every film ever created.  “No, I haven’t gotten around to seeing that movie, but I *have* seen “Play Time” by Jacques Tati.  Twice!  Yes, I live a sad, empty life, why do you ask?”

Anyway, I saw an article on Uproxx about pop culture blind spots, and it got me thinking about what I hadn’t seen.  So, I guess my first confession would be that this isn’t that original of an idea!  But I thought I’d just clear the air and get out 15 movies that I’m ashamed (sort of?  maybe?) that I’ve gone through my life never watching.

confession01

Gone With the Wind

I think the most I’ve ever watched of this movie is a few YouTube clips of the more famous moments.  “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”, etc.   Do I need to see more than that?  More importantly, do I need to sit through almost four hours of this drivel?  I mean, I don’t have a problem with really old movies, and I don’t think they’re all boring.  But this just looks like a really old, really boring movie.  No thanks.

 

confession02

Planes, Trains, & Automobiles

I know there have been instances in my life when someone has brought up Planes, Trains, & Automobiles; and I had to smile and nod and change the subject to something like “Hey, remember Uncle Buck?  Starring John Candy.  I’m knowledgeable he’s in both of those things.  He was also in Home Alone.  Remember Louie Anderson?  He was of the same build.  I used to watch his cartoon [there, now I’m about three steps away from the original subject {starts drinking heavily}]”

 

confession03

Moulin Rouge

Do I really want to watch this movie?  It doesn’t seem like it would be in my wheelhouse.

 

confession04

My Neighbor Totoro

I like me some Miyazaki from time to time, and I could point out an image of Totoro really easily, but I’ve never actually seen the movie or have any idea what it’s actually about.  He’s a neighbor, and he’s a big cat or something?

 

confession05

Weird Science

I’m fully aware of the premise: some dorky teens created a woman from a computer program and are using her for, I assume, boob grabbing and shower watching.  I can only *assume* that because I have no recollection of actually watching the entire movie.  But I have seen Rodney Dangerfield’s Back to School about four times.  Which is probably the best movie about competitive diving that we’ll ever know.  Deal with that.

 

confession06

Pocahontas

One summer while vacationing up in Michigan as a child, all the other kids went to see Pocahontas at the drive-in theater right when it came out (no I’m not that old, but that Michigan town is trapped in a hillbilly-esk time warp), and I for whatever reason didn’t go with.  When they got back, they were all singing the songs and loving it, and I didn’t know any of the words and wasn’t included in the fun.  Maybe out of some bitter psychological issue, I never sought out the cartoon to view myself; and to this day, and I’ve never bothered to watch it.  She dies of smallpox at the end, right?  GOOD.  I DON’T CARE.

 

confession07

Basic Instinct

I’ve seen the famous leg-crossing, Newman-sweating interrogation scene, of course, but I have no idea what they are interrogating her for, because that’s the only scene I’ve ever observed.  Is it the case of the missing underwear?  You tell me.

 

confession08

Dead Poet’s Society / Dead Presidents

I looked up Dead Poet’s Society just now for an image to use for this post, and I thought it was the movie with the criminals in white face paint, but I quickly realized that’s Dead Presidents, and Dead Poet’s Society is a completely different movie I never bothered seeing, starring Robin Williams.  OOPS.  Here’s a twofer.

 

confession09

Bad Boys

I’ve seen half of Bad Boys 2, and it wasn’t intriguing enough for me to ever go back and watch the first one.  I’m sure I’ve seen other better action movies since then that make up for it.  Plus, I now have a general distaste for Michael Bay, accumulated through years of sitting through his later films, that would probably just soil the Bad Boys experience anyway.

 

confession10

Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life

I love Holy Grail, and to be honest I hadn’t seen Life of Brian until about 5 years ago, but I’ve never seen Meaning of Life.  I’m sure there’s a backlog of unseen Flying Circus I need to get through as well.  I suck in the Monty Python department.

 

confession11

The Sound of Music

I had no idea what this was about other than some lady singing on a hill, up until a couple of months ago, when I caught a few minutes of the new NBC version in the background while my fiance was watching it.  I found out it’s about a singing family who gets killed by nazis?  Or something like that?  Regardless, it seemed like the most boring WWII project ever made.  Where’s the dehumanizing gun violence?

 

confession12

Face/Off

This one brings me great shame, because one of my friends had started talking to me about Face/Off *really* enthusiastically one day, and I just flat-out lied and said “Yeah, it’s, uh, great.  I like it a lot.”  Nope.  Never seen it.  I’M A PHONY.

 

confession13

The Ten Commandments

I never really grew up on these kind of epic, old desert movies.  I had to seek out Ben-Hur and Lawrence of Arabia in my early twenties.  And frankly, I don’t really ever plan on watching either of those movies a second time all the way through.  I’m aware of the Ten Commandments story, and I’m probably never going to be in the mood/have time to sit through that whole thing anytime in the foreseeable future.  I GET THE GIST.

 

confession14

*Most* James Bond Movies

I’ve seen the Daniel Craig ones.  I’ve seen one of the Pierce Brosnan ones, probably Goldeneye, but it could have been Tomorrow Never Dies?  I don’t think I’ve seen a single Sean Connery one.  The only Roger Moore one I’ve seen is the one that takes place in a swamp (Live and Let Die?).  I’ve probably watched Austin Powers about 25 times, though.  Yeah, babaaaay! [dodges punch to the face]

 

THE DA VINCI CODE

The Da Vinci Code

Other than it starring Tom Hanks and being based on some popular book, I have no idea what the hell this movie is.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen more than a publicity still from this film.  I’ve successfully avoided it completely since it was released.  I HAVE NO INTEREST.

 

Wow, it’s like a trivially small weight has been lifted off my chest!

 

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4 thoughts on “Confession Time: 15 Popular Movies I’ve Never Seen

  1. Passions says:

    Same here, I haven’t seen them except for James Bond, I am a great fan of the movies, but in contrast to noisy noodle, I don’t like Sean Connery. I would prefer Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig, Timothy Dalton and Roger Moore, in order of preference.

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