Looking at Some of the Forgotten Movies of 2014

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Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope you’re all thankful for the bountiful amount of leftovers this glorious day will provide you, so that by Sunday your family is still feasting on the remains of a three-day old turkey like a cast of sea crabs nibbling on a whale corpse that’s sunk to the bottom of the ocean.  Sorry, I watch a lot of nature shows.  I hope that was an appetizing thought for you.

Anyway, *I’m* thankful for streaming rental services, which have given me the convenient opportunity to check out some of the movies that I remember getting hyped up about earlier this year, and then never bothering to see in theaters for whatever reason and forgetting that they exist.  At the very least, I hope this post gives you something to pretend to read on your phone while your uncle and your grandpa argue about politics as you desperately wait for dinner to be ready at your mom’s house.  Oh god, grandpa is using racial slurs again…!  [sits in bathroom pretending to poop for 2 hours]

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Lazy Movie Review:: The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1

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Premise:  Take out the interesting premise of a battle royale competition between unwilling contestants from the previous two movies, then leave us with a bare bones revolutionary war set-up storyline with all the characters that were only interesting when they were in that battle royale situation; and now you have a sequel with a bunch of “meh” characters looking forward to accomplishing something that you know they won’t get to by the end of the two hours you’re sitting there.  BECAUSE IT’S PART ONE.

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Movie Review: Dumb and Dumber To

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In a year full of sequels that nobody asked for (see: Sin City: A Dame to Kill For, 300: Rise of an Empire, Expendables 3, The Purge: Anarchy, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, etc. [honestly there’s a bunch more]), Dumb and Dumber To was one of the movies I kind of didn’t mind that they were making.  Throwing all caution to the wind, I not only paid to see this movie, but I sort of looked forward to it.

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Movie Review: Whiplash

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Ba doom ba dooom badaa bada trem trem trem ba do dam bam spleebidy chipida badoom da beem dam wim khicka phicka ba been rim chippa skididdildiddlidll wa chim ba dem bam boom TISSHSHHHHHSHSH.  That was my impression of a person playing the drums.  Next I will do my impression of a trumpet solo.  BBRRRRRRRUUU– oh, you’d like me to just get to the review?  Ok.

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Lazy Movie Review: Big Hero 6

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Premise:  In a futuristic city that is weird to spell but kind of fun to say, San Fransokyo (where we get the perfect mix of California’s coffee shop ambiance with Japan’s bountiful technology), a 14-year-old robot engineer befriends his brother’s robot invention named Baymax in an adventure around town and such.  I don’t want to give too much away, but it’s fun stuff.  …What, you don’t like fun?  Well, I’m sure the theater by your house is still showing The Judge, starring Robert Duvall.  Why don’t you go see that and tell me how it is, ok?  I’ve been super eager for someone I know to tell me how boring it is, because it looks super boring and I don’t want to see it.  Did you fall asleep?  Did Robert Duvall fall asleep?  It looks stupid.  RANDOM JUDGE RANT OVER.

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Movie Review: Interstellar

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Interstellar is one of those movies where I could probably spend five minutes explaining the plot to you, because I understood basically what was going on, but the thought of actually typing it all out makes me not want to write this review.  Just go see the movie.  There’s parts of it that you probably won’t understand completely, but Christopher Nolan has done a good job of making it intelligent enough for smart people to appreciate, but dumb enough for dopes like me feel smart for being able to follow along.  He’s such a nice man for doing that.

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Movie Review:: VHS: Viral

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And so comes the third installment of the “VHS” (or “V/H/S”, whatever) horror franchise, where amateur-ish filmmakers create borderline incomprehensible works of shit.  The first one was interesting, but still kind of bad.  The second one was slightly more interesting, but also still kinda bad.  And this third one, which is still called VHS despite the fact the entire thing appears to be about cell phone videos, is not too interesting and *really* bad.  You can continue on if you want, but I’ll be very spoilery, as I expect no one else really wants to watch this.

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