The 101 Movies I’ve Watched From 2014

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Another year down, another bunch of movies I saw.  While there were a high number of crappy and mediocre movies this year, I thought the number of A or B grade films were pretty good, too.  And I’ve only given three 10 out of 10’s in my four-year history of doing this blog, and two of them were from this year.  So good for you, 2014.

So here is my giant list of everything I saw this year, starting with the worst and working its way to the best.  Feel free to read the original reviews of anything you’re curious about that my one sentence blurb doesn’t satisfy you on.  If my grade doesn’t quite match the original score I gave it, it’s probably because I watched it a second time and adjusted my score.

But most importantly, this is just a nice way to nonchalantly sum up an entire year of my writing in one post that you can skim through and ignore in a matter of minutes.  At least I have fun writing them…  Enjoy, you ungrateful bastards!

(here’s my lists from 201320122011)

vhs viral 2

101.  VHS: VIRAL

Every copy of this movie should be thrown into a canyon and set on fire.

Grade: F-

Read Original Review Here

 

ANNABELLE

100.  ANNABELLE

One of the worst cash grabs in film history.

Grade: F-

Read Original Review Here

 

06 devils knot

99.  DEVIL’S KNOT

A terrible dramatization that poorly interpreted a really interesting event that’s already been brilliantly covered in FOUR documentaries.  Why was this made?  WHY?

Grade: F-

Read Original Review Here

 

1231429 - Pompeii

98.  POMPEII

I *hope* the studio lost money on this garbage.  SO THEY LEARN A LESSON.

Grade: F-

Read Original Review Here

 

west01

 

97.  A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST

God, I hated this movie and it’s nearly implausible amount of awful jokes that fell flat.

Grade: F-

Read Original Review Here

 

nympho 5

96.  NYMPHOMANIAC: VOLUME 2

Worst fake porno ever.

Grade: F-

Read Original Review Here

 

Hercules

95.  HERCULES

Dwayne Johnson seems like a really nice guy, but he needs to learn how to turn down a project like this that will obviously be terrible.  I mean, BRETT RATNER…  Hello?

Grade: F-

Read Original Review Here

 

3 Days To Kill (2014)KEVIN COSTNER

94.  3 DAYS TO KILL

It’s not going to happen, Kevin Costner.  Stop trying.

Grade: F-

Read Original Review Here

 

turkey day 3

93.  EARTH TO ECHO

A dumb movie for dumb kids.

Grade: F

Read Original Review Here

 

thequietones

92.  THE QUIET ONES

Couldn’t tell you what happened in this movie if you put a gun to my head.

Grade: F

Read Original Review Here

 

field 1

91.  A FIELD IN ENGLAND

A great study in experimental filmmaking vs. boring presentation.

Grade: F

Read Original Review Here

 

badassdom

90.  KNIGHTS OF BADASSDOM

Proof that Peter Dinklage can’t save every project he’s in.

Grade: F

Read Original Review Here

 

trans4mers01

89.  TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION

Also extinct?  My desire to watch any future Transformers sequels.  (goes up for high five)

Grade: F

Read Original Review Here

 

ifrank 2

88.  I, FRANKENSTEIN

Sexy Frankenstein fighting gargoyles is the best that Hollywood could come up with?

Grade: F

Read Original Review Here

 

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014) trailer -- Pictured: Eva Green (Screengrab)

87.  SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR

For black & white boob enthusiasts only!  Everyone else steer clear!

Grade: F

Read Original Review Here

 

tranny

86.  TRANSCENDENCE

Had a couple interesting ideas, but in a terrible package.

Grade: F

Read Original Review Here

 

theory bosses 3

85.  HORRIBLE BOSSES 2

The unforgiving stupidity of the three leads makes this a painful watch.  I’m sure they have a great time making these movies, but no one is having a great time watching them.

Grade: F

Read Original Review Here

 

tammy1

84.  TAMMY

“Melissa McCarthy being a loud, obnoxious person” should *not* be a film genre.

Grade: F+

Read Original Review Here

 

turkey day 7

83.  PALO ALTO

You like watching rich teenagers do stupid things?  I don’t.

Grade: F+

Read Original Review Here

 

tusk

82.  TUSK

Not looking forward to any other ambitious Canadian projects from Kevin Smith.  BUT I KNOW THEY’RE COMING…  😦

Grade: F+

Read Original Review Here

 

fire tornado

81.  INTO THE STORM

Fun Fact: The dad in this movie was Thorin, the leader Dwarf, in the Hobbit movies.

Grade: F+

Read Original Review Here

 

02 maze runner

80.  THE MAZE RUNNER

Nice try, young adult film adaptation.  I hope your craze is on the dying side of things.

Grade: F+

Read Original Review Here

 

turkey day 8

79.  JERSEY BOYS

Doing the absolute bare minimum to not get a failing grade from me.

Grade: D-

Read Original Review Here

 

sinpendable option 7

78.  EXPENDABLES 3

DON’T MAKE ANY MORE, PLEASE.

Grade: D-

Read Original Review Here

 

no good deed 1

77.  NO GOOD DEED

This otherwise forgettable movie was at least fun for me to predict everything about it before I went into it blind.  I’ll have to do that again in 2015.  What’s Tyler Perry have on the slate for this year?!

Grade: D-

Read Original Review Here

 

lets be cops

76.  LET’S BE COPS

It just…  wasn’t that funny…  I don’t know what else to say…

Grade: D-

Read Original Review Here

 

gunday2

75.  GUNDAY

My first foray into Bollywood cinema is apparently one of the lowest rated films on all of IMDb.  Cool!

Grade: D-

Read Original Review Here

 

need 4 speed 1

74.  NEED FOR SPEED

I can remember the last scene of this movie and literally nothing else about it.

Grade: D-

Read Original Review Here

 

maleficient

73.  MALEFICENT

To anyone who would try to argue this movie is better than the grade I’ve given it, I will point you to the CGI mud fight scene, and rest my case.

Grade: D

Read Original Review Here

 

purge1

72.  THE PURGE: ANARCHY

It was really fun coming up with the unsung heroes of the Purge in my review, making it almost worth paying $10 to see this bad movie.

Grade: D

Read Original Review Here

 

Holiday 2014 06

71.  MUPPETS MOST WANTED

I’ll try to not let this spoil the good experience I had at the 2011 Muppets movie.

Grade: D

Read Original Review Here

 

Under the Lucy 03

70.  UNDER THE SKIN

It’s funny how so many people put Under the Skin as their #1, and I put it at my #70.  PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT TASTES, HUH?!

Grade: D

Read Original Review Here

 

abcs of death 04

69.  THE ABCS OF DEATH 2

More of the same from last time around.  Some really great horror/comedy shorts, some really terrible horror/comedy shorts.  Evens out somewhere around “eh, it’s ok”.

Grade: D

Read Original Review Here

 

mackinjay part 1 01

68.  THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY – PART 1

It’s not as bad as haters (uhg, why did I write that…?) say it is, but it’s also no longer about death matches for sport, and half of it is definitely filler.

Grade: D

Read Original Review Here

 

Dracula untold 02

67.  DRACULA UNTOLD

DON’T TURN THIS INTO A SERIES OF MOVIES, PLEASE.

Grade: D

Read Original Review Here

 

as_above_so_below

66.  AS ABOVE, SO BELOW

I went in expecting an F, and came out giving it a solid D.  What a glorious triumph for the awful found footage genre!

Grade: D

Read Original Review Here

 

turkey day 1

65.  THE ZERO THEOREM

Admit it, that picture of Christoph Waltz makes you want to see this movie.  It’s probably not worth it, sadly.

Grade: D+

Read Original Review Here

 

Nymphomaniac_19_photo_by_Christian_Geisnaes.jpg

64.  NYMPHOMANIAC: VOLUME 1

There are just so many things that are awful about it that it clouds over all the good parts.  Nice try, though, Lars von Trier?

Grade: D+

Read Original Review Here

 

non stop

63.  NON-STOP

Liam Neeson is on auto-pilot, am I right?!  (puts hand up for high five)

Grade: D+

Read Original Review Here

 

oculus_02

62.  OCULUS

I don’t like mirrors either.  And not just because I’m weird looking.  THEY ARE GATEWAYS TO GHOST TOWN.

Grade: D+

Read Original Review Here

 

men women 2

61.  MEN, WOMEN & CHILDREN

Is it just me, or does that title need an Oxford comma?  (SAYS THE GUY WITH TERRIBLE GRAMMAR)

Grade: D+

Read Original Review Here

 

03 box trolls

60.  THE BOX TROLLS

I really wanted to like the gross animation and goofy characters, but the story doesn’t exactly draw you in.

Grade: D+

Read Original Review Here

 

evil has been delivered

59.  DELIVER US FROM EVIL

Better than most other exorcism movies.  STILL NOT GOOD, THOUGH.

Grade: D+

Read Original Review Here

 

05 equalizer

58.  THE EQUALIZER

Generic Denzel revenge movie.  Man on Fire lite.

Grade: D+

Read Original Review Here

 

Russell Crowe as Noah

57.  NOAH

I didn’t see Exodus: Gods and Kings, but I guarantee this was better than it.

Grade: C-

Read Original Review Here

 

Robocop-2014

56.  ROBOCOP ’14

Remember this movie?  I sort of don’t.  Had to read my own review to remember what happened in it.

Grade: C-

Read Original Review Here

 

rover2

55.  THE ROVER

The post-apocalyptic version of Australia doesn’t seem that much different from what I picture current Australia to be like.

Grade: C-

Read Original Review Here

 

SPIDAHHHH MAAAAHHHN

54.  THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2

I didn’t hate this as much as (apparently) everyone else did.  It’s like, standard comic book fare.  Oh well.  R.I.P. Andrew Garfield Spider-Man, 2012-2014.

Grade: C-

Read Original Review Here

 

Holiday 2014 02

53.  THE GAMBLER

Proffesah Wahlberg is in da fackin buildin, ya cawk gawbling college kids!

Grade: C-

Read Original Review Here

 

theory bosses 2

52.  THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING

GENERIC OSCAR BAIT EXAMPLE #1.

Grade: C

Read Original Review Here

 

labor day 2

51.  LABOR DAY

You want ambition?  Cast two A-list stars in a film about a convict teaching a single mom how to make homemade peach pies.  Greenlight it!

Grade: C

Read Original Review Here

 

whoop whoop 2

50.  WHOOP DREAMS

Paid for with Chuuurrrrbuuurni muuuurrrrrnnneeeeeeyyyy.

Grade: C

Read Original Review Here

 

Holiday 2014 05

49.  UNBROKEN

GENERIC OSCAR BAIT EXAMPLE #2.

Grade: C

Read Original Review Here

 

48.  NEIGHBORS

It’s funny enough to where you won’t feel bad for renting it, but you might have felt like you wasted your time and money if you went to see it in theaters.

Grade: C

Read Original Review Here

 

turtles 14

47.  TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

It’s probably too complex to sum up every variant of opinion people have about this reboot into a single sentence, but, uhhhhhh, it’s alright or whatever.  Cowabunga!

Grade: C

Read Original Review Here

 

tombstone_02

46.  A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES

At least I had a good time writing the pizza-themed spoof in my review.

Grade: C

Read Original Review Here

 

Lone Survivor

45.  LONE SURVIVOR

Spoiler alert!

Grade: C

Read Original Review Here

 

turkey day 2

44.  HOW TO TRAIN A DRAGON 2

I gave this a watch out of respect to how much I liked the first one, but this sequel is probably only really enjoyable for kids, and for people who get turned on by dragons.

Grade: C+

Read Original Review Here

 

09 doc of the dead

43.  DOC OF THE DEAD

If you’re not completely burnt out on zombie stuff yet, this might be worth a watch.

Grade: C+

Read Original Review Here

 

THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES

42.  THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES

It’s the worst of all the Middle Earth movies, but it’s still a well made movie.  There’s so many little things that should have been tweaked in the screenplay before they even started filming.  It’s decent enough for the cash grab that it is, though.

Grade: C+

Read Original Review Here

 

04 only lovers left alive

41.  ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE

Hipster vampires listen to music.  I know that sounds terrible, but it’s actually not that bad.

Grade: C+

Read Original Review Here

 

300: BATTLE OF ARTEMESIUM

40.  300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE

The prequel no one asked for that ended up being just crazy enough to be way better than anyone could have assumed it would be.  It has sea monsters!

Grade: C+

Read Original Review Here

 

DumbandDumberTo 1

39.  DUMB AND DUMBER TO

Go in with low expectations and a non-cynical attitude, and maybe you won’t be a giant asshole about how it isn’t as good as the first one, because obviously it never was going to be.

Grade: C+

Read Original Review Here

 

06 skeleton twins

38.  THE SKELETON TWINS

Wasn’t the greatest thing in the world, but hopefully it leads to more movie work for Bill Hader.

Grade: C+

Read Original Review Here

 

bad words

37.  BAD WORDS

Probably could have been funnier, but a decent directorial debut for Jason Bateman.  I’d rather he make stuff like this instead of doing Horrible Bosses 3 or something.

Grade: C+

Read Original Review Here

 

Holiday 2014 04

36.  THE INTERVIEW

It was probably not worth upsetting a lunatic with nukes for this movie.

Grade: C+

Read Original Review Here

 

ELM120114_236

35.  WILD

A grave reminder of how much I hate walking places.  (eats four slices of deep dish) (doesn’t burn any calories later)

Grade: C+

Read Original Review Here

 

turkey day 4

34.  CHEF

I totally forgot to add this entry in when I originally posted this.  I don’t think anyone will notice.  [looks around the room suspiciously]

Grade: B-

Read Original Review Here

 

hello ladies

33.  HELLO LADIES: THE MOVIE

A good send off to the short-lived HBO series from Stephen Merchant.  It actually gave the character something of an arc, while still retaining all the trademark uncomfortable moments.  You guys have no idea what Hello Ladies is, do you?  You just skipped right over this entry, I bet.  WHATEVER.  I LIKED IT.

Grade: B-

(no original review written)

 

Boyhood_2

32.  BOYHOOD

I get why people lost their poop over this movie.  It’s one of the most ambitious concepts I’ve ever heard of that actually got executed to completion.  But, like, c’mon.  You’d think a twelve-year commitment would warrant a better screenplay than this had, right?

Grade: B-

Read Original Review Here

 

Holiday 2014 03

31.  BIG EYES

More of this and less of Dark Shadows in the future, Mr. Burton.

Grade: B-

Read Original Review Here

 

turkey day 6

30.  OBVIOUS CHILD

Take out the scene where Jenny Slate has a conversation inside a cardboard box, and this is better than most quirky indie comedies about dark subject matter.

Grade: B-

Read Original Review Here

 

(loud ear piercing roar)

29.  GODZILLA

I liked it when I saw it on a big IMAX screen, and I admittedly have kind of a fear of watching it a second time and liking it a lot less.  So maybe I’ll just leave it alone and look at it fondly from the first viewing.

Grade: B-

Read Original Review Here

 

blue ruin

28.  BLUE RUIN

This might be a better example of Murphy’s Law than anything in Interstellar was.

Grade: B-

Read Original Review Here

 

27.  LUCY

This was kind of way better than it deserved to be.

Grade: B-

Read Original Review Here

 

st vincent

26.  ST. VINCENT

Smart ass Bill Murray is the best Bill Murray.  Russian accent Naomi Watts is the worst Naomi Watts.

Grade: B-

Read Original Review Here

 

edgeoftomorrow

25.  THE EDGE OF TOMORROW

Tom Cruise trying to erase the averageness of Oblivion with the slightly above averageness of Edge of Tomorrow, or Live Die Repeat, or whatever they want to call it now.  Mech Suit Time Travel Alien Fight.  Now there’s a good movie title.

Grade: B-

Read Original Review Here

 

babadook2

24.  THE BABADOOK

Speaking of names, if this were a list of best movie titles of 2014, you’d be number one, Babadook.

Grade: B-

Read Original Review Here

 

foxcatcher

23.  FOXCATCHER

I guess a lot of stuff is coming out about how Mark Schultz is saying the movie is a lie, and he didn’t have the same kind of relationship that the movie implies he has with John du Pont.  I guess it doesn’t really matter if I think about it as a filmmaker’s expansion of real life characters into fictional ones, kind of like what Fincher did with The Social Network, or Welles did with Citizen Kane (I’m not implying Foxcatcher is on the level with either of those movies, by the way).

Grade: B

Read Original Review Here

 

raid 2 1

22.  THE RAID 2

Just thinking about that kitchen fight scene again makes my pits get moist.

Grade: B

Read Original Review Here

 

R.I.P.  Dog Wick

21.  JOHN WICK

Just don’t kill Keanu Reeves dog.  It’s pretty simple, Theon.

Grade: B

Read Original Review Here

 

12 cheap thrills

20.  CHEAP THRILLS

A really dumb looking Netflix movie pick on a random afternoon turned out to be a surprisingly engaging dark comedy experience.

Grade: B

Read Original Review Here

 

cap3

19.  CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER

I really liked it when I saw it in theaters, but then I tried watching it again at home, and I kind of just wasn’t feeling it as much.  Since it’s pretty much an Agents of SHIELD movie, I’m sure fans of the show I don’t care about liked this a lot more than I did.

Grade: B

Read Original Review Here

 

05 locke

18.  LOCKE

Tom Hardy proves his acting is good enough to withstand a 90 minute movie where we just stare at his face from different angles.

Grade: B

Read Original Review Here

 

interstellar4

17.  INTERSTELLAR

A BIG movie that delivered on being BIG.  The parts that were great were definitely great.  Some of the smaller moments brought it down for me, though.  I’m in no real hurry to watch it a second time, but I plan to eventually.

Grade: B

Read Original Review Here

 

grand budapest

16.  THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

Everyone ranks their Wes Anderson films differently.  I happen to think this one was more in the middle of my ranking.  I mean, it was good, I like all Anderson; but it’s not as good as his other stuff.  TO ME.  I also like how Wes Anderson is pretty much his own genre now.

Grade: B

Read Original Review Here

 

03 all this mayhem

15.  ALL THIS MAYHEM

This, Doc of the Dead, and Whoop Dreams were the only documentaries I saw this year (I’m becoming such a philistine!), but this made me as interested in something as stupid as skateboarding as The Crash Reel did about something as stupid as snowboarding.

Grade: B+

Read Original Review Here

 

DAYSFUTUREPAST

14.  X-MEN: DAYS OF THE FUTURE PAST

It was good, but I don’t think I liked it as much on the second viewing.  That Quicksilver scene never gets old, though.

Grade: B+

Read Original Review Here

 

22 jump street

13.  22 JUMP STREET

Great job on creating a meta sequel joke about sequels.  But don’t make a third one, please.  That’s what the credits were for.

Grade: B+

Read Original Review Here

 

lego movie

12.  THE LEGO MOVIE

I just watched this again last week and was reminded at how hilarious Will Arnett’s Batman was.

Grade: B+

Read Original Review Here

 

fury 3

11.  FURY

It delivered on its promise of hellish warfare, and then upped the ante with all the cool laser looking gunfire!  And I want my sca-  oops, wrong movie.

Grade: B+

Read Original Review Here

 

big hero 6 BUTT

10.  BIG HERO 6

I COULDN’T RESIST ITS CHARMS.

Grade: B+

Read Original Review Here

 

02 they came together

9.  THEY CAME TOGETHER

Best spoof movie in years.  And New York was such a great character that I think it deserves an Oscar.  But beware, it may be uncomfortable to watch with your Bubby.

Grade: B+

Read Original Review Here

 

dawnape03

8.  DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

If other huge special effects driven movies want to make this the bare minimum of quality for the future, I’d be cool with that.

Grade: B+

Read Original Review Here

 

playin in hell you guys

7.  WHY DON’T YOU PLAY IN HELL?

I didn’t see too many foreign movies this year, but I’m happy the one I did focus on was as insane as this one was.

Grade: A-

Read Original Review Here

 

snow1

6.  SNOWPIERCER

I guess a lot of people don’t like this movie, and it’s been either a top ten film or a bottom ten film for a lot of people.  I thought it was a thrilling example of how to deliver on a ridiculous premise (that would never work in real life) by giving the audience scene after scene of things they weren’t expecting.

Grade: A-

Read Original Review Here

 

nightcrawler 1

5.  NIGHTCRAWLER

Jake Gyllenhaal has come a long way from the actor I wanted to punch in the face during Donnie Darko 14 years ago.

Grade: A-

Read Original Review Here

 

07 gone girl

4.  GONE GIRL

The actual plot material is kind of low-grade trash, in a way, but it’s just executed so awesomely by David Fincher that it elevates it to something special.  Also, it got people talking about movies, and that’s always a good thing.  Unless you look at a Yahoo movie discussion board.  Never do that.

Grade: A

Read Original Review Here

 

Whiplash-5547.cr2

3.  WHIPLASH

When I see a racing movie, even if it’s (almost always) bad, the drive home from the theater still has my adrenaline pumping and getting a lead foot.  I did not expect that same thing to happen after watching a movie about a college jazz class.  But here we are.

Grade: A

Read Original Review Here

 

birdman 03

2.  BIRDMAN

Nothing else this year damaged my emotions as much as Birdman did.  I don’t even think it was trying to mess me up that way, but that’s just how my brain absorbed it.  But despite any kind of fragile psyche it does or doesn’t break in your head, it has some brilliant camera staging and a next-level Michael Keaton.

Grade: A+

Read Original Review Here

 

galaxy1

1.  GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

For a minute, I almost felt slightly hesitant putting Guardians at number one, because it’s kind of just a perfectly executed, dumb, super fun summer blockbuster movie…  But then I realized I don’t care what anyone else says, sooooooo, yeah this was the best movie of the year.  No other movie was as exciting as this, and it almost felt like, if I was a kid, it would be like watching Star Wars for the first time.  I’ve seen it a bunch of times since it came out, and I still don’t think it has any boring moments for me.  So yeah, again, as a personal preference, this was brilliantly executed entertainment at the highest level.  It might not be a film snob’s film, but it’s a movie lover’s movie.  And I like movies.

Grade: A+

Read Original Review Here

 

That’s it for last year!  See you next week when I get to some 2015 movies!  Or in the case of Inherent Vice, Selma, and American Sniper; 2014 movies that I’m considering to be 2015 movies.

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3 thoughts on “The 101 Movies I’ve Watched From 2014

  1. Reason Xie says:

    Haha, your Top 10 quite surprised me! I thought your #1 would probably be Budapest or Birdman or Gone Girl, but hey, Guardians could do as well! Thanks for the 101! The comments were funny as hell! Happy New Year Dino!

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