First of all, I don’t know how to pronounce the title of this movie. When I was at the box office I debated whether to say Ex MACHINE-A, Ex Ma-CHEEEEN-A, or Ex MACH-ina…? I kinda wanted to just say “the movie with the naked robot” to avoid embarrassment, but I didn’t want to risk getting a ticket to The Longest Ride or The Age of Adaline. I’m sure those are swimming with naked robots, too.
I actually did end up seeing two new movies in theaters over the weekend, despite what I previously thought, with those two movies being the new Jonah Hill and James Franco comedy True Story, and – oh wait, it’s definitely not a comedy. And I also saw Child 44, a movie I had never heard of before I looked at my Fandango app the night before the movie. It’s about Russia.
So anyway, I’m pretty busy this week (again), and probably won’t have time to write two separate reviews for them, so I’ll just mash them into one. And for a change of pace, I’ll abandon my usual structure and do some free-form movie reviewing. I’ve got a Bachelor of Arts, bro. Gotta let my spirit free, dawg.
Ya know, it’s kind of hard to continue to keep a steady flow of content flowing for this unpaid, time-exhausting hobby of writing new movie reviews for a small time crappy blog, when there aren’t any new movies ever coming out worth seeing… There’s been about four or five good movies so far this year, but then on the weekends when nothing exciting comes out, I just have no desire to subject myself to the drivel that’s getting pooped into the AMC. In years past I would have, for sure. But lately now I seem too busy to spend my time even writing a scathing joke review of Clint Eastwood’s son’s Nicholas Sparks movie. Oh well. I blame Josh Gad for all of this. I don’t think that’s justified in any way, but it just feels right.
Anyway, what this has come to, because I don’t want to pay $10 to see something I know will be boring, is that I’m going to review the 1987 detective movie Angel Heart. Why? Because it was on Encore as I was flipping through the channel guide, and the description sounded interesting. I didn’t even know it existed before yesterday. So… There’s really no *good* reason for me to be reviewing it. But here we are…. …And there you probably went…
I did *not* particularly enjoy the last movie in this franchise. I thought the action scenes were long and fatiguing, I thought the plot made no sense, and I thought they wrapped it up in too stupid of a bow. Plus all the actors seemed like they didn’t want to be there. It felt like a step backwards from the insanity of Fast Five, which was also really dumb, but I didn’t hate it nearly as much. So enter Furious 7, a sort of positive note for the franchise; where it kept all the good stuff reasonably insane, and all the boring stuff relatively short.
Premise: Will Ferrell plays a very rich white guy who will be going to prison for fraud in 30 days. Kevin Hart plays a poor(er) black guy who needs $30k to move his family out of a bad neighborhood. Being that Will Ferrell’s character is naive, he gets tricked by Kevin Hart’s character into paying for Hart’s training on how to survive in prison, in which Hart has never been. Get Hard is certainly no Walk Hard. And it’s definitely no Get Shorty.