Lazy Movie Review:: Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation

misssion impossible rogue nation

Premise:  In addition to having the theme song that I sing really loudly while I take the trash cans to the curb every Thursday night (don’t ask), Mission Impossible also has my favorite animated bomb wick ignition sequences off all time too.  Fun Fact:  No one in this movie uses bomb wicks.  They use computers and stuff.  That’s why spy movies will never be as good as I imagine they were back before I was born.  Why don’t you try to escape a shark tank with a wet box of matches and a deck of cards, you cyber punks!

 

Pros:

-It’s these kinds of movies that honestly make me forget about what a weirdo Tom Cruise probably is in real life.  Of course there’s those moments periodically while watching where I thought, “Oh yeah, that’s that goofy bastard, isn’t it?”, but by golly, the guy really gives it his all for these summer blockbuster movies.  For two hours, I can really appreciate that this 53-year-old man has the gusto to be this entertaining.  If he keeps doing projects like this, maybe everyone will forget what they saw in that Going Clear documentary?  To be fair, I appreciate Tom Cruise giving it his full-speed-running-everywhere-ALL over someone like Johnny Depp giving it his heavy-makeup-N’-dumb-accents-ALL.

-I genuinely enjoyed how that big stunt with Tom Cruise holding onto a plane that everyone was talking about leading up to the release of the movie, that probably cost millions of dollars in itself and put their A-list star in life-threatening danger twelve times; was just some throwaway stunt in the first five minutes of the movie that had nothing to do with the main plot of the film.

-Also, Tom Cruise is lookin’ good still!  There was only one moment I can remember where his age showed and he looked like a 10-year-old bloodhound.

-This is a good example of a spy movie with a bunch of fun twists and turns that isn’t unbearably over-complicated.  Kingsman was another good one like that recently.  Like, I get the desire to make a thinking man’s spy movie, but I even more get the appeal to make a spy movie where they just have to dive into an underwater hard drive thing to get the codes or something to move the story along or whatever, because the underwater hard drive thing was a really cool sequence to watch.  You know what I liked better than all of Tinker Tailer Soldier Spy?  The underwater hard drive sequence in this movie.

-FINALLY, an IMAX movie where I got the benefits of the awesome sound system, without the pointless drawback of the dumb 3D gimmick.

-Alec Baldwin kills it once again as a department head; other examples being 30 Rock and The Departed.  Seriously, just give the guy a suit, some responsibility, and a bunch of people to look over, and he DELIVERS.

-You know what I like about Simon Pegg in these movies?  He’s obviously the comic relief, but he can still have a wide array of emotions, and he’s very essential to the plot.  I guess he kind of transcends “comic relief” and just sort of becomes a “funny character” at a certain point.

-The leading lady (played by someone I do not know [Rebecca Ferguson?]) was really good at her job.  Her acting job, I mean.  Well, her spy character was pretty good at her job too.  I liked that she didn’t have to kiss Tom Cruise just because she was the only woman in the movie.  #progress

-Since I’m just naming everybody, Jeremy Renner was there and fine or whatever, too.  Jeez, what’s next, I gotta complement the guy who played the “Bone Doctor”?  I’m drawing a line.

 

Cons:

-Suffers from the same issue I have with Fast & Furious movies where a character can take a spill off a 115 MPH motorcycle with no helmet and a Hawaiian shirt and be perfectly fine in the next scene without any bruises or ripped clothes.  I’d be a hypocrite if I trashed Vin Diesel for having a stain resistant white tank top after an explosion, if my boy Tom Cruise does the same thing with his stylish rags.  All I know is that I changed the license plate registration sticker on my car yesterday, and my knee was covered in dirt by the end of it, so I know these movies are inaccurately clean.

-I thought the final action sequence was definitely the worst.  Or to phrase it better, it was the least spectacular.  Kind of ended on a whimper.  You can’t have a movie with non-stop insane stunts for 85% of it, then end the movie with some fistfights and foot chases.  Where’s the heart…?  And by heart, I mean HEARTy explosions?  I didn’t pay five extra dollars to NOT have the IMAX speakers permanently damage my ears.

-Was Ving Rhames in Ghost Protocol?  I don’t think he was, but I don’t remember.  But I also haven’t seen Mission Impossibles 1 through 3, so I was confused as to who he was?  I mean, I get that he was a computer expert (wasn’t Simon Pegg a computer expert, too? [wait, aren’t they all kind of computer experts?]).  Regardless, he seemed like a throwaway character.

-Before MI5 they played trailers for the Michael Bay Benghazi movie, the Statham-less Transporter reboot, Man From U.N.C.L.E., and the new James Bond movie.  Action movie overload.  I was almost burnt out on nonsensical action editing before the real movie even started.  It was like going to see an Iron Maiden concert, and the opening acts were GWAR, Slayer, Motorhead, and a German death metal group you’ve probably never heard of, but they’re kind of a big deal in Düsseldorf.

 

Final Thoughts:  I thought it was better than Ghost Protocol, and I really liked G-Protz (that’s how all the cool bloggers spell it).  It just flowed better, overall.

86 MPH out of a 100 MPH bike stunt off of a cliff

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