Reviews Of All The Crap I’ve Watched At Home Lately

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I’ve been watching a bunch of crap at home lately, so here are my hot takes on a bunch of the neat things anybody can rent right now.  Yeah, even you… …Winston!  Sitting there in your green t-shirt, and basketball shorts.  Drinking that Dr. Pepper.  Slowly wondering how I’m staring at you through your window, even though your shades are down…

(I’m banking on a lot of specific things to fall in place there, so I can blow that guy’s mind)

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Ensemble Avalanche! Black Mass vs. Everest

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Over the weekend I saw six movies’ worth of acting talent crammed into two movies, as the casting directors for Black Mass and Everest went a little nuts.  I think the industry term is castlust.  “Just one more guy, man, just let me cram one more B-list actor into this scene!  I know a guy who can get you Adam Scott real cheap, man!  Just let me stick him in the shot, man!”

Anyway, I’ll help you make the decision on which of these movies you should see, or if you should just go see the new Maze Runner movie, which I’ve been quoting from the commercials more than any movie I’ve actually seen in theaters lately.  “YOU’LL NEVER SURVIVE ONE DAY IN THE SCORCH!” is a sentence my fiance is certainly sick of hearing me yell out of nowhere by now.

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Lazy Movie Review: Sinister 2

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Premise:  EHRMAGERD, BUGHUUL IS BACK!!!!!1!!!1!!  This movie takes place on a weekday afternoon when I didn’t have anything else pressing going on, so I decided to relax and watch the sequel to a kind of decent movie I saw from 2012.  I had a medium lemonade, and when I left the theater I saw a nickel on the ground but didn’t pick it up.  Fun fact:  I wrote this entire review on a hammock.

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Movie Review: We Are Your Friends

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A not so guarded secret amongst my close friends is that I kind of have a thing for stupid dance genre movies.  I can watch them pretty much any time they are on.  You Got Served.  Stomp the Yard.  Step Up.  Step Up 2: The Streetz.  Step Up 3D!  Step Up REVOLUTION!  I once even almost went to a free advanced screening of Battle of the Year.  That’s the movie where Sawyer from Lost teaches known criminal Chris Brown (among other people) how to be a world champion b-boys, and they go to a b-boy world championship to represent America.  I almost put on pants and left my house to actively drive to a free screening of this.  I forgot why I didn’t end up going?  Maybe common sense finally kicked in?  I don’t know.  But just to let you know, I have since watched it on HBO.

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