Premise: An old guy is horny and says inappropriate things. There, you got the amazing premise out of me.
The Good Stuff
-I think my only audible laugh during the entire movie came from Jason Mantzoukas’ joke about Florida people. Plus, he basically just played his Rafi character from The League the entire movie. I won’t complain about that.
-I bought my ticket online from Fandango, then I used a self-serve kiosk to pick up my tickets. There wasn’t even a ticket taker at 3 pm, so going in, nobody even knew what movie I paid for. The only person who saw the shame that I purchased a ticket to Dirty Grandpa was the employee waiting by the exit for me to leave so he can clean up behind me. All in all, that’s a pretty low number of actual people who personally judged me for attending this movie at the time that I saw it. Nice.
-Wait a second… Did this entire R-rated movie about an old guy trying to get laid at Daytona Beach really have no nudity in it? I don’t think it did… Wow. I’m not even mad. I’m impressed. I half expected this to be an epic showcase of aspiring actresses making regrettable early-career decisions.
The Bad Stuff
-Do you remember when Robert De Niro was in Taxi Driver, Goodfellas, Godfather II, Raging Bull, Cape Fear, The Untouchables, The Deer Hunter, or Jackie Brown? His Dirty Grandpa performance kind of makes you forget that. Little bit. You insulted De Niro’s legacy just a little bit. [Donovan’s ‘Atlantis’ starts playing] [me and Joe Pesci start stomping on a Dirty Grandpa poster]
-It starts off just as another dumb low-brow comedy; lots of easy jokes or whatever… But the last 40 minutes are painful to get through. It’s like they wasted all their visual gags in the first hour, and then attempted to cram 90 minutes of terrible comedy movie cliché storytelling into the last act. Why does this movie need to have heart inserted into it at all? Does anyone paying to see Dirty Grandpa really care if Zac Efron’s character gets married at the end or not? Also, you’d have to have like come out of a bunker you’ve lived in your whole life, and this was the first film that you have ever seen to not know exactly what is going to happen with every single plot point in this movie before it happens.
-Pairing Zac Efron and Julianne Hough was kind of too on-the-nose. Could they have found two more obnoxiously blessed people genetically? If they actually had a baby in real life, would just an American Apparel catalogue come out of her?
-Has Aubrey Plaza ever played anything but herself in a movie? She’s the Danny McBride of sarcastic half-Cuban actresses.
-The several unnecessary gay and racist jokes in this movie didn’t really land at all, and came across as kind of just insulting, right? Here’s an example of this movie’s attempt at a gay/racism joke, and I’m going to make this as verbatim as I can remember.
De Niro: “(laughs) Wow, this guy is really gay.”
Gay Guy: “Really observant, Sherlock. Did you notice I was black too?”
De Niro: “(laughs again) Yeah, that’s also funny.”
And then the scene moves on. That was the start and end of the joke. I guess the payoff happens thirty minutes later when De Niro defends the gay guy from a gang of ruffians; but even that was lame. You see, he’s progressive, but he still says offensive things. Ha. What a dirty grandpa.
-Johnny Knoxville’s Bad Grandpa was basically the same idea, only better?
Final Thoughts: I guess you should kind of assume what you’re getting into here. Listen, I see a lot of dumb movies (it’s my sickness), but you don’t have to. Skip this one when it eventually comes to Redbox. Unless you’re really hungering to watch Robert De Niro sing Ice Cube’s “It Was a Good Day” at a karaoke bar. Then by all means, waste your $2 and 2 hours. Also, is there a YouTube compilation of past-their-prime actors singing rap songs somewhere? Because I really don’t want to see it.