Oscar predictions are a lot like fantasy football; I embarrass myself with my lack of knowledge year after year in front of my friends and family, but keep doing it to gloat about the one or two times I was actually successful (I had Drew Brees in 2012!)
Follow along with my 7th annual Movie Superbowl Guessing Competition!
Oh hey, how’s it going? I thought since I had some time this holiday week I’d share some short year-end movie lists. I don’t think that I’ve watched as many movies this year as I usually do because I’ve been pretty busy. Oh, what have I been doing that’s kept me busy? That’s so nice of you to ask! Well, let’s see, other than another successful year of freelance work… I bought a house. I bought a dog. I started writing a novel, to see if I could. I got a few chapters into it so far, but I don’t really know where it’s going or when I’ll ever finish it. Ummmm, what else? I started trolling people who boycott NFL games on Facebook. That’s been fun. I won a fantasy football championship for a second year in a row. I’m probably going to buy a VR headset with my prize money… Hey listen, my life isn’t that interesting, but I saw some movies this year and now I’ll rank them for your amusement and my self-gratification. That’s how this works.
Also, I’m sure there’s a bunch of spoilers in this, so read the flavor text at your own risk.
I’ve been writing on this blog for six years now, which is a pretty long time to do something that’s both as unimportant as it is rewarding. If that statement doesn’t make full sense, that’s because I was never really that great of a writer.
But as I attempted to put together a collection of mini reviews for the things that I saw in the last month, and sat here on a relaxing night trying to come up with jokes for two Charlie Hunnam movies; King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (which sounds like a botched foreign translation of a better title), and Lost City of Z , I just went… “Nahhhh, this might be it. This might finally be it.” You don’t have to blame Charlie Hunnam for this happening, but I’m also not telling you not to blame him.
For the last few months, I’ve had the intention to write this post *after* I went through all of 2017, making 2017 the last full year I did all of this. But I thought, “why bother drudging it out until then?”
I’m also aware that probably no one *needs* this post, and I could have just went away; but after listening to the Missing Richard Simmons podcast, I figure an explanatory goodbye is way less confusing than just dissolving into the darkness.
So, I guess I’ll reflect a little on the past six years of blogging, if you care to read it, which you probably don’t, WHICH WAS PART OF THE PROBLEM. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Pop on your best sleeveless shirt and then pop on your best sleeveless tactical armor, and while you’re at it, pop in the finest lime wedge into that Corona you’re drinking, brother! I saw Fate of the Furious, aka F8 0f th3 Fur10u5, aka [shows you tattoo of a stone Jesus cross with monster truck wheels] over the weekend, and I have a comprehensive list of all the best things about this movie.
[HOPS IN 2005 HYUNDAI SONATA] [STARTS DOING DONUTS IN YOUR GARDEN]
With World War III on the horizon, please take some time to do what’s important, like reading some short movie reviews of some stuff you probably didn’t bother to watch. Heck, I saw these movies all within the last couple of weeks, and two of the four of them are already out of theaters.
I better crank these out, because if I had an editor, they’d be chewing me out big time for my lack of writing production around here. This is only my sixth post of the year, and I don’t think I’ve written a post focused on just a single movie in probably 8 months. I don’t deserve the paycheck I get from this site, to be honest with you, folks. I don’t deserve it, and I also don’t receive one, so it all works out. What, get to the reviews? Fine.
I’ve seen a few movies in the last few weeks, and they all share a common theme… Beasts! Let’s dive into some pretty hairy movies.