How to Out-Quote a Guy Who Quotes ‘Walden’ on His Facebook Wall

walden

So I recently became Facebook friends with a guy I didn’t know, but had noticed that he existed because he went to high school with my fiance, so I’d see him on her news feed.  He’s a musician type who is always posting awesome ramblings, and TONS of inspirational quotes from books and dead people in order to show off his deep side.  So, I basically needed a guy like this as a Facebook friend, just so I could get the full experience and comment on his great stuff.  I mean, none of my other friends post things like this during the Grammy Awards:

DonnyWolf_01I KNOW, RIGHT?  Anyway, last night I noticed he posted a quote from Henry David Thoreau’s Walden.  To which I simply replied with a counter quote.

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RUM AND SCIENCE: Experimenting with Doctor Dreadful’s Zombie Lab

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I’ve always been a big fan of Doctor Dreadful food kits.  I didn’t even think they were still around.  Then lo and behold, I was in a Michael’s with my girlfriend today and a colorful box caught the corner of my eye.  The crazy doctor that taught me sugar + water = flavor when I was a kid is still going at it.  When I was a kid and I was all like “Dad, buy me that Doctor Dreadful Stomach Churner kit!  BUY IT FORRRR ME I NEEEEEEEED IT.   DAAAAAAAAAAAD” and then he wouldn’t buy it for me because he already bought me the Bug Lab earlier that year; and it would make me sad.  BUT now I’m an adult and I have my own money, so SUCK IT DAD, I CAN BUY THIS STUPID ZOMBIE LAB IF I WANT TO.  I CAN BUY FOUR OF THEM IF I FEEL LIKE IT.  I’M A GROWN UP.

So anyway it crossed my mind to purchase one of these fun time food makers and see if they can stand the test of time while making them as an adult.  I’m also going to get drunk while I work in my laboratory, which is basically like a guarantee that I will puke violently by the end of the night.  But don’t worry, as you can see by this picture of my childhood bedroom wall, I already earned two diplomas in Dreadful Science, so I’m authorized to experiment how I please.

dreadful

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My Cough Drops Are Trying to Pressure Me Into Unwanted Sex

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So I got sick this week…  I think I can narrow the source down to last weekend, when I arm wrestled a girl who had recently brought home a stomach flu virus from India (I WON IN ARM WRESTLING, BY THE WAY, AND I LET HER USE BOTH HER ARMS.  USA!  USA!  USA!).  Regardless, I’ve been medicating myself all week.  Upon purchasing some Halls cough drops, though, I was a little surprised when I opened the bag and the cough drops started to send me subtle messages, that came across to me as rather “rapey”.  Like the creepy devil sitting on my shoulder, the medicine started whispering awful things into my diseased ears.

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Jaws: The Revenge Trailer Recut as Awards-Worthy Film


So I’m not exactly proud of myself here, but I got a little bored and then overly-focused last night, and stayed up until 3 AM recutting the trailer for Jaws: The Revenge.  But I tried to cut it as if it was a critically acclaimed indie film, instead of giant heap of trash.  But to be fair, I’ve probably seen Jaws: The Revenge over 10 times because it’s one of my biggest guilty pleasure films.  Anyway, it was probably all for naught, as YouTube likes to take things I have fun spending time on down for copyright infringement.  Enjoy it while (if) you can…

REVENGE

SNUBBED

As a quick reminder, this is how the movie actually is…