R8in’ the F8: The 10 Most Furiously Gr8 Things About The Fate Of The Furious

Pop on your best sleeveless shirt and then pop on your best sleeveless tactical armor, and while you’re at it, pop in the finest lime wedge into that Corona you’re drinking, brother!  I saw Fate of the Furious, aka F8 0f th3 Fur10u5, aka [shows you tattoo of a stone Jesus cross with monster truck wheels] over the weekend, and I have a comprehensive list of all the best things about this movie.

[HOPS IN 2005 HYUNDAI SONATA] [STARTS DOING DONUTS IN YOUR GARDEN]

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Here’s Some Movie Reviews: One You Maybe Watched and Three You Probably Didn’t

With World War III on the horizon, please take some time to do what’s important, like reading some short movie reviews of some stuff you probably didn’t bother to watch.  Heck, I saw these movies all within the last couple of weeks, and two of the four of them are already out of theaters.

I better crank these out, because if I had an editor, they’d be chewing me out big time for my lack of writing production around here.  This is only my sixth post of the year, and I don’t think I’ve written a post focused on just a single movie in probably 8 months.  I don’t deserve the paycheck I get from this site, to be honest with you, folks.  I don’t deserve it, and I also don’t receive one, so it all works out.  What, get to the reviews?  Fine.

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Cash Grab February: Movie Reviews

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February has passed by and I’ve only had time to gather another whole month’s worth of movies into one post.  But what’s weird about this month’s crop?  Well, I saw seven movies, and four of them were sequels.  Another “original” one seemed like a cheap money-making scheme.  So I thought this month I’d address whether or not these were genuine attempts to make films, or just studio’s attempts to print money?

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Film School Retrospective: 10-ish Years Later

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A recent conversation I had got me reflecting on my film school days, a subject I’ve gone back and forth in my head on as to whether it was a stupid degree or a completely enriching experience?  It could possibly be both?  Either way, I thought I’d spill all the memories and wisdom I had on my four-year odyssey as a film student before 10 more years go by and I forget everything.

So who is this post for, really?  I guess it could be for potential future film school students.  Or for former film school students looking for similarities to their experience.  Or for people just interested in learning about a kind of weird college education.  Or if you’re bored.  I don’t know, I ain’t the boss of your time.  We might only have a couple of years left on this planet, you can choose to do what you want with what you’ve got left.

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January Movie JANboree!

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Oh, hi…!  Remember me?  I complained about last year’s busy schedule reducing the amount of posts I write around here, and 2017 has gotten off to a far worse start.  I’ve gone to five movies in the first month of the year, and I’ve failed to write anything about any of them.  Until now!

So enjoy some tiny reviews of the selection of January 2017 movies I decided to check out.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get around to seeing xXx: The Return of Xander Cage.  BUT TRUST ME, I WANTED TO.

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Here are Haikus for the 100 Movies I Watched In 2016

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A lot of people crapped all over 2016.  And justifiably so.  But…  …on a personal level…   …I had a pretty great 2016.

Let me just run down what was so rad about my year:

I got married
I had my most financially successful work year
I traveled to Japan, Hollywood, Wisconsin, and Florida
I was in the studio audience for The Price is Right
I participated on a 48 hour film festival team
The Miami Dolphins made the playoffs
I won the championship in one of my fantasy football leagues
I ate a ton of pizza…  …like *a lot* of pizza

Even though my busy work life sort of hurt the frequency that I post around here, I still kept up the best I could.  And I even did two pretty hefty lists which people seemed to enjoy, the 50 Best Films of the Last 5 Years (in honor of Dino Bone’s 5 year anniversary), and The Most Mediocre Movies of the Last 15 Years.

The only really bad 2016 things that directly affected me were a really painful/annoying root canal, and a really painful/annoying presidential election.

But I think I owe all the good things that happened because last year I evened out all my zen with a 91 haiku 2015 film list.  I gifted it to the cosmos and they aligned a few things nicely in my favor.

So in hopes to get my 2017 in good form from the start, I now present you with haikus for the 100 movies that I watched in 2016, including  a few movies I’ve seen in the last week that I never reviewed (and probably never will because I’m too busy).  I’m also including The Revenant, Anomalisa, and Room because they got wide release in January (sorry, I don’t live in NY or LA) and they didn’t make my list last year.  Shut up!  Enjoy!

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