My Dino Bone Christmas Gift: 20 Mini-Reviews Of All The Junk I’ve Seen Lately

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I like to give back to our readers here, so I thought I’d give you the gift of 20 mini reviews of all of the movies from 2015 that I’ve seen over the last few months, but haven’t reviewed yet.  I got majorly backlogged with movies to write reviews for, and if I don’t do it now all at once, I know I’ll never do it.

So if your Uncle Tony starts to get a little *too* opinionated on Muslim refugees while you’re waiting for Christmas dinner; pull out this list, zone out, and ignore the (now) screaming match that he and your dad have surely gotten into while your grandma begs them to “Stop it, boys!  It’s Christmaaaaaaas!“.

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Reviews Of All The Crap I’ve Watched At Home Lately

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I’ve been watching a bunch of crap at home lately, so here are my hot takes on a bunch of the neat things anybody can rent right now.  Yeah, even you… …Winston!  Sitting there in your green t-shirt, and basketball shorts.  Drinking that Dr. Pepper.  Slowly wondering how I’m staring at you through your window, even though your shades are down…

(I’m banking on a lot of specific things to fall in place there, so I can blow that guy’s mind)

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Oscar Nominated Variety Pack!

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Welcome to late January, a time when the movie selections start to get rather slim for the non-brain dead crowd.  There’s The Wedding Ringer, a movie that I would admittedly hate-watch for 15 minutes if I ever saw it on HBO or something, kind of like I did for the Vaughn/Wilson masterpiece of failure The Internship.  There’s also Mortdecai, which is a film I will actively try to avoid for the remainder of my life.  Sorry, but empty mustache jokes and Gwyneth Paltrow as a wasp isn’t going to get me running to the theater/TV/Netflix/whatever.  HARD PASS.  What else is there?  The Boy Next Door?  Wow.  I’m actually interested in reading about the box office numbers on this one, if only to see if people actually went to see a Jennifer Lopez movie in 2015.  Anything else?  Strange Magic?  Blackhat?  Taken 3?  Yikes, and no thanks.  What’s coming out next week?  Project Almanac?  Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit…  Looks like I’m not going to be buying a movie ticket for two more weeks until the Wachowski siblings release that crazy looking space movie with Channing Tatum.

Anyway, I took the opportunity to not feed the January Hollywood machine and instead catch up on a few Oscar nominated movies that I hadn’t seen before, which *I’M ASSUMING* were better than Kevin Hart and Josh Gad doing whatever it is they do for two hours.

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Looking at Some of the Forgotten Movies of 2014

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Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope you’re all thankful for the bountiful amount of leftovers this glorious day will provide you, so that by Sunday your family is still feasting on the remains of a three-day old turkey like a cast of sea crabs nibbling on a whale corpse that’s sunk to the bottom of the ocean.  Sorry, I watch a lot of nature shows.  I hope that was an appetizing thought for you.

Anyway, *I’m* thankful for streaming rental services, which have given me the convenient opportunity to check out some of the movies that I remember getting hyped up about earlier this year, and then never bothering to see in theaters for whatever reason and forgetting that they exist.  At the very least, I hope this post gives you something to pretend to read on your phone while your uncle and your grandpa argue about politics as you desperately wait for dinner to be ready at your mom’s house.  Oh god, grandpa is using racial slurs again…!  [sits in bathroom pretending to poop for 2 hours]

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Rental Roundup: A Whole Buncha Crap Edition

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As a companion piece to my theater roundup from Monday, here’s a quick list of all of the movies over the last couple of months that I’ve rented/downloaded/streamed and watched in the comfort of my own home/computer, while I farted at my leisure and got melted popsicle sugar all over my sweatpants.  Ahhh, the advantages to not going out to see a movie…  Anyway, this finally gets me caught up on my backlog of terribly punctuated (what’s with the semicolons, dude?), heavily under-thought ramblings about what movies I’ve seen lately.

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