Movie Reviews: Moana, Allied, Moonlight, and Bleed For This

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We’re coming down to the end of the year, and I don’t even think I have a definitive #1 movie of the year yet.  As you’ll see once again by this group of reviews, everything I see lately seems to wind up in the B grade area.  How many more chances are there for A grade movies?!  Rogue One?  La La Land?  Assassin’s Creed?  (haha just kidding on that last one)

One thing I am very much looking forward to at the end of this month, though, is that I will never have to see the trailers for Collateral Beauty or Passengers ever again.  I don’t know how much they dumped into marketing these things, but I’ve seen both trailers before every single movie I’ve gone to, to the point that I’ve begrudgingly memorized the lines.  “So why did you give up your life on Earth?” and “Howard doesn’t write letters to people, he writes to things.” are two lines I hope I never have to hear again once 2017 starts.

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Here Are Some Movie Reviews: Sully, Angry Birds, and The Boy

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Near the end of every week, I get excited and open my Fandango app and see what’s going to be playing that weekend at my local AMC.  Especially around the end of the year, when theaters are more open to playing smaller indie movies that might be getting awards hype.

So, what do I see last week when I check what’s playing…?  A Blair Witch sequel?  A Bridget Jones sequel?  Is this 2004?  Why is this happening?

An Oliver Stone directed Edward Snowden movie?  But I already watched the documentary last year that had the *actual* Edward Snowden in it…  And Oliver Stone made Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.  PASS.  HARD PASS.

The Disappointments Room?  When the Bough Breaks?  The Wild Life?  What the hell are these movies?  Upon looking them up, these three films have a *COMBINED* Rotten Tomatoes score of 20%.  Why are these movies in theaters?

Fine, I’ll just quickly review Sully, which I saw two weekends ago and never reviewed, and then two other movies I watched Saturday night on Playstation Network while having some drinks.  Cripes.

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Theater Roundup: Don’t Breathe, Kubo and the Two Strings, and Morgan

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I definitely feel like Dino Bone has gotten neglected by me this year, and it makes me feel bad.  I’ve had my most productive work year ever, and considering that this is an unpaid hobby blog…  I tend to skew my life more to making that paper, and buying stuff I don’t need; like boomerangs and novelty plates.  Until a lonely sultan comes along and payrolls me six figures to be his personal movie reviewer, this might be how it is for the time being.

But I’ll try to make up for that a little today!  …By lumping three movies I’ve seen over the past two weekends into several crappy mini reviews…?  Oh wait, that’s what I’ve been doing that’s so neglectful to begin with.  Oops.

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In Search of Immaturity: Sausage Party, War Dogs, and Everybody Wants Some

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In the past two weeks I’ve been gifted three films that catered really hard to the man-child crowd; the t-shirt-and-cargo-shorts demographic that I most definitely get grouped into.  The profanity is rampant, the themes are non-productive, and yet, they are almost made with such competence that they could (and should) be considered legitimate art.  Like drinking Bud Light out of a $500 wedding flute, or listening to opera while lighting fireworks in a trash can.

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Looking Back at Last Week’s Thanksgiving Release Movies

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I watched four movies over the long holiday weekend, because I have nothing better to do with my free time; but I don’t have *enough* free time to write four full reviews of these movies…  So I’ll just write-up a few hot takes in one big post while I struggle to digest all the turkey and bacon sandwiches I’ve eaten over the last few days.  Do TUMS help your digestion, or just bottle it up worse?  Welcome to my plight.

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Oscar Nominated Variety Pack!

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Welcome to late January, a time when the movie selections start to get rather slim for the non-brain dead crowd.  There’s The Wedding Ringer, a movie that I would admittedly hate-watch for 15 minutes if I ever saw it on HBO or something, kind of like I did for the Vaughn/Wilson masterpiece of failure The Internship.  There’s also Mortdecai, which is a film I will actively try to avoid for the remainder of my life.  Sorry, but empty mustache jokes and Gwyneth Paltrow as a wasp isn’t going to get me running to the theater/TV/Netflix/whatever.  HARD PASS.  What else is there?  The Boy Next Door?  Wow.  I’m actually interested in reading about the box office numbers on this one, if only to see if people actually went to see a Jennifer Lopez movie in 2015.  Anything else?  Strange Magic?  Blackhat?  Taken 3?  Yikes, and no thanks.  What’s coming out next week?  Project Almanac?  Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit…  Looks like I’m not going to be buying a movie ticket for two more weeks until the Wachowski siblings release that crazy looking space movie with Channing Tatum.

Anyway, I took the opportunity to not feed the January Hollywood machine and instead catch up on a few Oscar nominated movies that I hadn’t seen before, which *I’M ASSUMING* were better than Kevin Hart and Josh Gad doing whatever it is they do for two hours.

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