Spooky Halloween Horror Movie Reviews!


Happy Halloween!  I hope you’re all planning a night of horrifying delight; full of witchcraft, séances, devilry, and all out evil!  Bwahahaha!  …Or a night of dressing like a sexy paper towel roll and getting drunk on pumpkin vodka.  Ya know, either is good, really.

But if you’re planning on sitting at home and doing nothing [raises hand], here are some frightful horror movie reviews for you to read.  Some frightful because of their content; others frightful because I had to sit through them.  I’m even busting out the colored text for this one.  Enjoy your eye pain, guys and ghouls!

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Movie Discussion: Is The Revenant as Good as The Forest is Bad?

Revenant Forest

I’ve seen two movies in the past week about people surviving a nightmarish wilderness situation; Alejandro González Iñárritu’s epic frontier tale The Revenant, and some guy named Jason Zada’s first feature-length horror movie called The Forest.  Up front, I’ll just tell you that I really liked The Revenant (I give it a wildernYES!) and I kind of really hated The Forest (a definite wilderNO).  But was The Revenant as far on the good spectrum as The Forest was on the bad?  Let’s look deeper.

Also, I won’t ruin anything major in The Revenant (because you should go check it out), but I will be honest with you, I plan on completely spoiling the entire crappy storyline to The Forest.  So be warned.  Forest spoilers ahead.

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My Dino Bone Christmas Gift: 20 Mini-Reviews Of All The Junk I’ve Seen Lately

christmas 2015 00 header

I like to give back to our readers here, so I thought I’d give you the gift of 20 mini reviews of all of the movies from 2015 that I’ve seen over the last few months, but haven’t reviewed yet.  I got majorly backlogged with movies to write reviews for, and if I don’t do it now all at once, I know I’ll never do it.

So if your Uncle Tony starts to get a little *too* opinionated on Muslim refugees while you’re waiting for Christmas dinner; pull out this list, zone out, and ignore the (now) screaming match that he and your dad have surely gotten into while your grandma begs them to “Stop it, boys!  It’s Christmaaaaaaas!“.

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Looking Back at Last Week’s Thanksgiving Release Movies

Thanksgiving 15 header

I watched four movies over the long holiday weekend, because I have nothing better to do with my free time; but I don’t have *enough* free time to write four full reviews of these movies…  So I’ll just write-up a few hot takes in one big post while I struggle to digest all the turkey and bacon sandwiches I’ve eaten over the last few days.  Do TUMS help your digestion, or just bottle it up worse?  Welcome to my plight.

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Lazy Movie Review: Get Hard

get hard

Premise:  Will Ferrell plays a very rich white guy who will be going to prison for fraud in 30 days.  Kevin Hart plays a poor(er) black guy who needs $30k to move his family out of a bad neighborhood.  Being that Will Ferrell’s character is naive, he gets tricked by Kevin Hart’s character into paying for Hart’s training on how to survive in prison, in which Hart has never been.  Get Hard is certainly no Walk Hard.  And it’s definitely no Get Shorty.

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