Lazy Movie Review: Ender’s Game

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Premise: In an effort to exploit Hollywood for all its young talent of the last few years, I assume a (possibly coked up) movie producer said in the past year, “I have a teen sci-fi picture I need to make.  Bring me that critically acclaimed kid from Hugo, that critically acclaimed kid from True Grit, that critically acclaimed kid from Kings of Summer, and that critically acclaimed little girl who used to be in Little Miss Sunshine.  And why don’t you find me the critically acclaimed girl from Kick-Ass as well?  Oh, she’s remaking Carrie?  Oh well, nevermind.  What?  Who?  The kid from Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close?  Nah… That kid sucks.”

Oh, and I guess Ender’s Game is also based on some book or something that I assume no one has ever read before?  Some dollar store bargain bin read, I think?  Maybe a Danielle Steel?  It’s about a kid who is really good at video games, so he can translate that skill into commanding real life space armies and be a hero to Earth.  I tried using that excuse to convince my parents to let me play more video games when I was a kid, but my dad simply replied “You’re not fooling me, son, we both know you’re awful at video games.”

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