July Movie Roundup: Star Trek Beyond, Lights Out, Secret Life of Pets, Jason Bourne

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An increasingly busy schedule this year has once again put me behind on the movie reviewing, so I’m here with four movies that you’ve probably already seen and/or forgotten even came out at some point in July.

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Lazy Movie Review: Ghostbusters ’16

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Premise:  Also known as Lady Ghostbusters, #NotMyGhostbusters, and The Movie That Shattered a Million Fragile Childhoods; this was a remake of a movie a lot of people like from a long time ago.  Kind of like Total Recall (2012), King Kong (2005), Conan the Barbarian (2011), National Lampoon’s Vacation (2015), Arthur (2011), and so on.  What was the difference between this Ghostbusters remake and all of these other ones that’s causing such a backlash?  I don’t know?  Probably because there’s chicks in it, BRAH.  Bill Murray wasn’t a girl, didn’t you know that?  Why do things have to be different all the time?  Why do we live in a time when we are able to drink Ecto Cooler, but I still have to listen to women tell jokes?  This is such a cruel planet.  Did you know there’s a lady Slimer in this?  Doesn’t that make you want to write a 4,000 word think piece on the disintegration of Hollywood originality?  No?  Well, I guess you’re a stronger person than I am.

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Movie Discussion: Is The Revenant as Good as The Forest is Bad?

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I’ve seen two movies in the past week about people surviving a nightmarish wilderness situation; Alejandro González Iñárritu’s epic frontier tale The Revenant, and some guy named Jason Zada’s first feature-length horror movie called The Forest.  Up front, I’ll just tell you that I really liked The Revenant (I give it a wildernYES!) and I kind of really hated The Forest (a definite wilderNO).  But was The Revenant as far on the good spectrum as The Forest was on the bad?  Let’s look deeper.

Also, I won’t ruin anything major in The Revenant (because you should go check it out), but I will be honest with you, I plan on completely spoiling the entire crappy storyline to The Forest.  So be warned.  Forest spoilers ahead.

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Finally Catching Up: San Andreas; Slow West; Spy; Insidious 3; Kung Fury; and Mad Max (again)

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I’ve been so busy and working overtime (work out!  dwelledeedeedoodooo bwaaabwaa bwuuum bwaaa bwwaa [little B.T.O. humor for you there]) that I haven’t been able to write any reviews for the several things I’ve seen in the last couple of weeks.  Well, I finally found some free time, so I thought I’d just clump them all into one stupid turd of a compilation post.  As you can tell by the fact I typed out that B.T.O guitar riff joke, looked at it, and then still didn’t delete it; this already isn’t going very well.

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Movie Review: It Follows

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Well, March is finally almost over.  It was a pretty good month for everything *except* movies.  I ended up only seeing two films within this month, and while both happened to be pretty good (this and Chappie), it just felt like everything else was unbearably undesirable.  I feel like I should add some additions to my last post for Sean Penn’s Liam Neeson ripoff, and that generic looking Dreamworks movie that I have never seen a commercial for.

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