Lazy Movie Review: Ghostbusters ’16

ghostbusters

Premise:  Also known as Lady Ghostbusters, #NotMyGhostbusters, and The Movie That Shattered a Million Fragile Childhoods; this was a remake of a movie a lot of people like from a long time ago.  Kind of like Total Recall (2012), King Kong (2005), Conan the Barbarian (2011), National Lampoon’s Vacation (2015), Arthur (2011), and so on.  What was the difference between this Ghostbusters remake and all of these other ones that’s causing such a backlash?  I don’t know?  Probably because there’s chicks in it, BRAH.  Bill Murray wasn’t a girl, didn’t you know that?  Why do things have to be different all the time?  Why do we live in a time when we are able to drink Ecto Cooler, but I still have to listen to women tell jokes?  This is such a cruel planet.  Did you know there’s a lady Slimer in this?  Doesn’t that make you want to write a 4,000 word think piece on the disintegration of Hollywood originality?  No?  Well, I guess you’re a stronger person than I am.

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Ranking All The Characters in Avengers: Age of Ultron

ultron 00

Since this was such a huge movie that surpassed all reason and logic for normal movie reviewing, and since there’s so many characters involved, I thought that I’d avoid comparing whether I liked the explosion 12 minutes in more than the explosion 47 minutes in, and just rank all the characters from best to worst.  Plus, the more I think about it, the one 47 minutes in was way better.

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Lazy Movie Review:: Thor: The Dark World

thor two

Premise:  If you strip away the context that Thor 2 is a major Marvel comic book movie, and you try to describe the premise, it actually comes out as a hilariously strange concept from the get-go…  It’s a movie about a Norse god who lives in a rainbow space castle across the universe who can fly by using a magic hammer, who must overcome a species of elves who fly high-powered space ships, because they’re trying to destroy all the light in the universe.  If this wasn’t based on the classic source material, could you imagine someone trying to pitch that film to an executive?

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Lazy Movie Review: Rush

Film Title: Rush

Premise:  Let me set the scene, man…  It’s 1976, and we’re talkin’ Formula One Racing shit, bro.  In one car, there’s James Hunt; a British poon-hound with long blonde hair, played by Chris Helmsworth (Hemsworth?  Helm?  Hem?  I don’t know, whatever, THOR).  He’s only here to do two things: drink some beer and win the Formula One racing circuit.  And it looks like he’s allllll out of beer.  In the other car is Niki Lauda (played by Daniel Brühl, the sniper guy from Inglorious Basterds), a straight-talking Austrian with a strict attitude and a desire to follow the rules.  Lauda likes his cars to be exactly 180 cm wide.  Hunt likes his cars to be “Who gives a shit?  Let’s party!” cm wide.  Now, thanks to an angry judge, the two are forced to live with each other in a swanky Brooklyn apartment.  Will they get along?  Who will ask Olivia on a date first?  Can they both work together at the same pizza shop at the mall?  You’ll find out all of these answers on “RUSH TO CONCLUSIONS“, this fall on CBS.

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Movie Review: The Cabin in the Woods

Whoa, she looks like Ellie Kemper in this picture... But that's not the twist!

I suppose it’s best not to ruin anything about the surprise of Cabin in the Woods, as that’s the whole fun of it.  So I won’t even hint at what any of the specifics are.  So in a very generic manner, I will say that this film starts off pretty mediocre, but eventually rockets its way to an insane and awesome third act.

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