Expectations vs Reality: Jack Reacher 2, Hunt for the Wilderpeople, The Infiltrator, and Mascots

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This week in movie reviews I’ll be observing the expectations of the new movies I recently watched, followed by the reality of what they were actually like.  Kind of like the expectation that this Dino Bone post will be as good as the last one you read, which if you haven’t been around this site for very long, you will soon discover to be a disappointing reality.

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Lazy Movie Review: Ghostbusters ’16

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Premise:  Also known as Lady Ghostbusters, #NotMyGhostbusters, and The Movie That Shattered a Million Fragile Childhoods; this was a remake of a movie a lot of people like from a long time ago.  Kind of like Total Recall (2012), King Kong (2005), Conan the Barbarian (2011), National Lampoon’s Vacation (2015), Arthur (2011), and so on.  What was the difference between this Ghostbusters remake and all of these other ones that’s causing such a backlash?  I don’t know?  Probably because there’s chicks in it, BRAH.  Bill Murray wasn’t a girl, didn’t you know that?  Why do things have to be different all the time?  Why do we live in a time when we are able to drink Ecto Cooler, but I still have to listen to women tell jokes?  This is such a cruel planet.  Did you know there’s a lady Slimer in this?  Doesn’t that make you want to write a 4,000 word think piece on the disintegration of Hollywood originality?  No?  Well, I guess you’re a stronger person than I am.

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Theater Roundup: Jungle Book, Huntsman: Winter’s War, Green Room, Keanu

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Last week my top 50 films of the last five years list occupied my super important blogging time and energy, but now I’m back with my normal reviews (it’s a Cinco de Mayo miracle!).  However, whenever I wait several weeks to post a review, it ends up being multiple short reviews, because my movie watching happens more frequently than my movie writing.  That’s life, guys.  I hope you weren’t expecting 1500 words on the gritty Snow White prequel…  If so, I apologize.

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Movie Review: The Bronze

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Should I have been that surprised that after I bought my ticket to The Bronze on Saturday, I was ushered into the AMC’s smallest theater room, only to find out that I would be the only person attending that screening?  …I suppose not, considering that even *I* had no idea what The Bronze was when I bought a ticket for it…

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Looking Back at Last Week’s Thanksgiving Release Movies

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I watched four movies over the long holiday weekend, because I have nothing better to do with my free time; but I don’t have *enough* free time to write four full reviews of these movies…  So I’ll just write-up a few hot takes in one big post while I struggle to digest all the turkey and bacon sandwiches I’ve eaten over the last few days.  Do TUMS help your digestion, or just bottle it up worse?  Welcome to my plight.

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Who’s More Desperate For Your Laughs: Pixels vs. Trainwreck

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I’ve seen two comedies in theaters recently, Pixels and Trainwreck, both with pretty different ‘tudes of comedy style.  Since you probably don’t want to pay $37 TWICE for you and your loved one to see a movie with $10 popcorn and a half-gallon of soda (that’s just the medium size, full gallon upgrade for $0.50 more), I’ll try to answer as many questions from this bold, ominous voice as I can in order to help you pick between the two.

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Finally Catching Up: San Andreas; Slow West; Spy; Insidious 3; Kung Fury; and Mad Max (again)

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I’ve been so busy and working overtime (work out!  dwelledeedeedoodooo bwaaabwaa bwuuum bwaaa bwwaa [little B.T.O. humor for you there]) that I haven’t been able to write any reviews for the several things I’ve seen in the last couple of weeks.  Well, I finally found some free time, so I thought I’d just clump them all into one stupid turd of a compilation post.  As you can tell by the fact I typed out that B.T.O guitar riff joke, looked at it, and then still didn’t delete it; this already isn’t going very well.

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