Movie Reviews: Deepwater Horizon, The Boss, Swiss Army Man, and Clown

swiss-army-man-2

Hey, if you like movies, here’s quite a spread of new mini reviews for you.  They all have the common theme of…  ummmm…  Corporate greed?  No…  Dirty make-up?  Almost…  Ummm… Things blowing up?  No, not that one…  Comedy?  Hmmm, maybe.  Except that first one isn’t very funny.  At all.  Well, they are all movies released in 2016, right?  Unless you count their film festival or overseas premieres…  WHATEVER.  Just read these stupid reviews, already…!  Yeesh.

Continue reading

Lazy Movie Review: Ant-Man

Ant-Man

Premise:  Paul Rudd as a superhero?!  Say whaaaaaaaaaaaat…?!  He plays Scott Lang, an ex-con who went to prison for hacking money back to investors who got screwed over by his company.  He gets recruited by Hank Pym (Michael Douglas), and his daughter Hope Pym (Evangeline Lilly [Kate from Lost]) to steal back the technology Pym tried to hide from his business partner because it’s too powerful and will destroy the world, kind of.  The explosions are apt.

Continue reading

Lazy Movie Review: Robocop 2014

Robocop-2014

Premise:  In a reboot no one really asked for, a young police officer (played the guy from The Killing) gets blown up in his driveway over some petty bickering with some stereotypically crooked cops, and he gets rebuilt…  into…  JOHNNY-5.  I mean…  ROBOCOP.  Now, with the help of a possibly evil corporation that still does a lot of great work providing artificial limbs to wounded veterans, he gets put on the streets of Detroit to show the world that robots should be our true overlords, and we need to line the pockets of Michael Keaton’s corporate sport coat with million dollar bills.  And even though Detroit isn’t the post-apocalyptic wasteland of mutants and colorful bike gangs we all wished it to be…  he still, ya know…  cleans up a good amount crime or whatever.  But what about his family?  WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?  Well, he must battle his doughy insides with the shiny metal exterior that’s holding them in, to regain his own humanity, or else his kid may never get to experience what it would be like to play catch with a robot dad who could now probably throw the baseball 215 MPH at his face.

Continue reading

Movie Review: The Cabin in the Woods

Whoa, she looks like Ellie Kemper in this picture... But that's not the twist!

I suppose it’s best not to ruin anything about the surprise of Cabin in the Woods, as that’s the whole fun of it.  So I won’t even hint at what any of the specifics are.  So in a very generic manner, I will say that this film starts off pretty mediocre, but eventually rockets its way to an insane and awesome third act.

Continue reading