Ensemble Avalanche! Black Mass vs. Everest


Over the weekend I saw six movies’ worth of acting talent crammed into two movies, as the casting directors for Black Mass and Everest went a little nuts.  I think the industry term is castlust.  “Just one more guy, man, just let me cram one more B-list actor into this scene!  I know a guy who can get you Adam Scott real cheap, man!  Just let me stick him in the shot, man!”

Anyway, I’ll help you make the decision on which of these movies you should see, or if you should just go see the new Maze Runner movie, which I’ve been quoting from the commercials more than any movie I’ve actually seen in theaters lately.  “YOU’LL NEVER SURVIVE ONE DAY IN THE SCORCH!” is a sentence my fiance is certainly sick of hearing me yell out of nowhere by now.

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Theater Roundup: Inside Out, Love & Mercy, and Dope

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I’ve sort of taken a hiatus from writing for a few weeks because I’ve been feeling extremely under the weather lately, and haven’t had motivation to write much of anything, but I’m feeling a little better today, and I’ve seen a few new movies, so maybe it will feel good to do a few quick write ups!  Here goes!

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Free-Form Movie Reviews: True Story and Child 44

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I actually did end up seeing two new movies in theaters over the weekend, despite what I previously thought, with those two movies being the new Jonah Hill and James Franco comedy True Story, and – oh wait, it’s definitely not a comedy.  And I also saw Child 44, a movie I had never heard of before I looked at my Fandango app the night before the movie.  It’s about Russia.

So anyway, I’m pretty busy this week (again), and probably won’t have time to write two separate reviews for them, so I’ll just mash them into one.  And for a change of pace, I’ll abandon my usual structure and do some free-form movie reviewing.  I’ve got a Bachelor of Arts, bro.  Gotta let my spirit free, dawg.

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Movie Review: Angel Heart

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Ya know, it’s kind of hard to continue to keep a steady flow of content flowing for this unpaid, time-exhausting hobby of writing new movie reviews for a small time crappy blog, when there aren’t any new movies ever coming out worth seeing…  There’s been about four or five good movies so far this year, but then on the weekends when nothing exciting comes out, I just have no desire to subject myself to the drivel that’s getting pooped into the AMC.  In years past I would have, for sure.  But lately now I seem too busy to spend my time even writing a scathing joke review of Clint Eastwood’s son’s Nicholas Sparks movie.  Oh well.  I blame Josh Gad for all of this.  I don’t think that’s justified in any way, but it just feels right.

Anyway, what this has come to, because I don’t want to pay $10 to see something I know will be boring, is that I’m going to review the 1987 detective movie Angel Heart.  Why?  Because it was on Encore as I was flipping through the channel guide, and the description sounded interesting.  I didn’t even know it existed before yesterday.  So…  There’s really no *good* reason for me to be reviewing it.  But here we are….  …And there you probably went…

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Movie Review: Chappie


This is my mandatory opening sentence that appears in every Chappie review that says I loved District 9.  Next up is my obligatory follow-up sentence talking about how disappointed we all collectively were for Elysium.  And of course, the opening paragraph’s closing sentence which asks a hopeful question to the readers: “But will Chappie be a return to glory for Neill Blomkamp?”  I’m just following Chappie review guidelines here, people.

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Lazy Movie Review: John Wick

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Premise:  Keanu Reeves plays John Wick, a former mob assassin who quit the business to be with his lady, but then she dies of some illness, and on her death-bed she gives him a dog to help him grieve.  Then, through a chance encounter with some jerks who have mafia connections, some goobers rob Wick’s house and kill his dog.  John Wick then decides to kill everybody else in the movie.  Pretty simple plot.  There’s literally nothing else to it, and it doesn’t have any twists or anything.  It’s just a revenge movie about a dog.  The second one this year actually.

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Movie Review: The ABCs of Death 2

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It’s time for round two of ABCs of Death!  The first time around, the wacky experience resulted in a few real gems, and a lot of “what the hell was that?” and “ewww gross…”  I’m sure the second time that 26 filmmakers from around the world gather their work together to show 26 forms of death for each letter of the alphabet will, well, probably be exactly the same, I’m guessing.  Let’s sift through the weirdness!

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Movie Review: A Walk Among the Tombstones


At a time when odd gimmicks with one sentence premises roam free at the theaters, I was still kinda shocked when Universal Pictures decided to release a gritty cop drama about Liam Neeson trying to figure out which frozen pizza he’d like eat for dinner.  It’s a bold move, and frankly, it paid off with some bold cinema.  Maybe not as bold as a Tombstone Double Top 4 Meat Pizza, but pretty bold nonetheless.

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Movie Review: Tammy


After seeing the countless commercials and trailers for Tammy over the last few months, the biggest driving force for me to go see it was the simple question in my head: “What is the actual plot of this movie?”  The marketing certainly doesn’t give any indication of a grandiose plot element that drives the movie forward.  Is there a plot?  Or is this merely a showcase for Melissa McCarthy to do her (now) standard “oafish dumb lady” routine without constraint?  When does she get mixed up with a nearly identical lady in the witness protection program and then unknowingly chased by the mob?  Or when does she get confused as a rich socialite and has to pretend to be classy for a weekend?  Surely this isn’t just a movie about Melissa McCarthy and Susan Sarandon driving places?

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