This week in movie reviews I’ll be observing the expectations of the new movies I recently watched, followed by the reality of what they were actually like. Kind of like the expectation that this Dino Bone post will be as good as the last one you read, which if you haven’t been around this site for very long, you will soon discover to be a disappointing reality.
Man, this weekend was a gift from the gods compared to last weekend, when the hottest option available was that crappy Eli Roth rainforest movie. I managed to check out three new movies on the big screen. Considering most of you have more important things going on in your lives, I’ll compare the three movies for you right now, in hopes that you at least go see one of them.
I’ve sort of taken a hiatus from writing for a few weeks because I’ve been feeling extremely under the weather lately, and haven’t had motivation to write much of anything, but I’m feeling a little better today, and I’ve seen a few new movies, so maybe it will feel good to do a few quick write ups! Here goes!
I was never really a *big* fan of Nirvana, or the philosophical lyrics of their lead singer Kurt Cobain. I mean, I was under ten years old when they reached the height of their popularity. So I was much more into listening to Ren & Stimpy albums than I was into the grunge scene. But in my 20s, I gained a sort of general fondness for a chunk of Nirvana’s songs. At the very least, I really liked all of the covers on that Unplugged album.
I confess… I’m kind of obsessed with juggalo culture. Now, wait a second! I didn’t say I was a juggalo myself! I just will stop whatever I’m doing and watch anything remotely revealing about America’s favorite ninjas. If you are unfamiliar with the bunch, juggalos are fans of Insane Clown Posse, a clown-rap (?) group that is often richly soaked with family values and profanity laden death threats. Their followers, the juggalos (or if you’re a lady, juggalette), are a perfect mixture of naive logic, white trash sensibility, intense kinship, and remarkable consistency to make poor life choices. I enjoy observing juggalos almost as nature footage, because their basis of humanity is so starkly different from mine that they almost seem like a different species.
And once again, I find myself at a crossroads. Did I just watch a movie that’s so brilliant that my brain simply couldn’t put it together properly, or did I just watch a living crayon drawing by a lunatic who thinks the moon is about to crash into the Earth?
Premise: Stockbroker Jordan Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio) goes from rags to riches by selling terrible stocks to gullible people in the early 90s, and perhaps maybe he possibly didn’t do it the most legal way he could think of. His “poor” life choices eventually landed the real life Belfort in prison, but not after many years of living in a mansion where he took extravagant drugs and had freaky sex on a regular basis. This movie reminded me of a great line from the show Clone High; when Mr. B asks Principal Scudworth why he’s wasting all of his newly earned money, and Scudworth responds “I watched the first two-thirds of VH-1’s M.C. Hammer: Behind the Music, and if there’s one thing I learned about money, it’s that it never runs out!” You could say the same for Goodfellas, Wall Street, and Scarface too. It’s almost like anyone who idolizes these characters never seem to make it to the end of the films…?
I’ve seen a few 2013 movies over the past couple weeks that have been available through Netflix, Amazon Instant, RedBox, etc… So, I thought I’d just write up some quick reviews just in time for Thanksgiving, in case you had any plans on watching a movie with your family over the holiday, because no one really wants to watch the Raiders play the Cowboys, right?
Premise: Directed by Ridley Scott and written by Cormac McCarthy, The Counselor is a story about a lawyer only referred to as “Counselor,” who gets tangled up in some sort of bad drug deal or something? Brad Pitt plays a cowboy or something? And Cameron Diaz thinks she’s a cheetah or something? I’m going to be 100% honest with you, I couldn’t tell you all the details of this convoluted story even if you threatened to decapitate me, which is something that happens like three times in this movie.
Premise: I purchased Gladiator on Blu-ray a couple of weeks ago, and it came with a free ticket to any Warner Bros movie in theaters before the expiration date of this August. The only eligible film that I hadn’t seen was We’re the Millers. So that’s why i saw We’re the Millers. It’s a comedy about drug smuggling that I saw for free.