Movie Review: Frozen

frozen 1

You’d be surprised how hard it is to find a screenshot from this movie that *isn’t* the snowman.

I think I experienced Frozen in the best way possible at the theaters; almost three months after it came out, on a Tuesday at 10 pm.  In other words, there were no annoying kids there.  In fact, there was nobody else there.  I think I’m of the age (29) and appearance (slobbenly and with beard) that no one would understand why I was watching this children’s film, so I’m glad no one was there to judge.

Continue reading

Lazy Movie Review: Ender’s Game

enders_game

Premise: In an effort to exploit Hollywood for all its young talent of the last few years, I assume a (possibly coked up) movie producer said in the past year, “I have a teen sci-fi picture I need to make.  Bring me that critically acclaimed kid from Hugo, that critically acclaimed kid from True Grit, that critically acclaimed kid from Kings of Summer, and that critically acclaimed little girl who used to be in Little Miss Sunshine.  And why don’t you find me the critically acclaimed girl from Kick-Ass as well?  Oh, she’s remaking Carrie?  Oh well, nevermind.  What?  Who?  The kid from Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close?  Nah… That kid sucks.”

Oh, and I guess Ender’s Game is also based on some book or something that I assume no one has ever read before?  Some dollar store bargain bin read, I think?  Maybe a Danielle Steel?  It’s about a kid who is really good at video games, so he can translate that skill into commanding real life space armies and be a hero to Earth.  I tried using that excuse to convince my parents to let me play more video games when I was a kid, but my dad simply replied “You’re not fooling me, son, we both know you’re awful at video games.”

Continue reading

Movie Review: Mama

mama1

I initially thought Mama was a much better than it actually is… When I was walking out of the theater I was sort of beaming. I love watching a horror movie that actually creeps me out a little bit. But a couple of days have passed, and I slowly started to realize that Mama wasn’t a horror revelation of any kind, it was merely just better than most of the terrible horror movies I’m used to seeing.

Continue reading