The Man From U.N.C.L.E. vs The Men From N.W.A.

I saw two movies again over the past week, and didn’t have much time to write reviews for both of them, so I’m going to put them both into one handy FAQ review to help you decide what to potentially pay to see.  Those two movies are Straight Outta Compton, which chronicles the rise of a hardcore rap group in the 80s and 90s, and then The Man From U.N.C.L.E, which might be the whitest movie I’ve seen this year.

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Movie Review: Fantastic Four

fantastic four

I’m gonna be 100% honest with you, I kind of didn’t hate Fantastic Four.  I was relatively entertained for most of it, and I went into it without really having any expectations, good or bad, and came away somewhere in the middle spectrum of entertainment.  “That was alright,” was my expert analysis right after I saw it.  Want another brilliantly insightful, meaty tidbit of dissection from my brain in the parking lot?  “I wasn’t bored.”  Wow, what a ringing endorsement!

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Lazy Movie Review:: Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation

misssion impossible rogue nation

Premise:  In addition to having the theme song that I sing really loudly while I take the trash cans to the curb every Thursday night (don’t ask), Mission Impossible also has my favorite animated bomb wick ignition sequences off all time too.  Fun Fact:  No one in this movie uses bomb wicks.  They use computers and stuff.  That’s why spy movies will never be as good as I imagine they were back before I was born.  Why don’t you try to escape a shark tank with a wet box of matches and a deck of cards, you cyber punks!

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Who’s More Desperate For Your Laughs: Pixels vs. Trainwreck

Pixels_Trainwreck_00

I’ve seen two comedies in theaters recently, Pixels and Trainwreck, both with pretty different ‘tudes of comedy style.  Since you probably don’t want to pay $37 TWICE for you and your loved one to see a movie with $10 popcorn and a half-gallon of soda (that’s just the medium size, full gallon upgrade for $0.50 more), I’ll try to answer as many questions from this bold, ominous voice as I can in order to help you pick between the two.

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Lazy Movie Review: Ant-Man

Ant-Man

Premise:  Paul Rudd as a superhero?!  Say whaaaaaaaaaaaat…?!  He plays Scott Lang, an ex-con who went to prison for hacking money back to investors who got screwed over by his company.  He gets recruited by Hank Pym (Michael Douglas), and his daughter Hope Pym (Evangeline Lilly [Kate from Lost]) to steal back the technology Pym tried to hide from his business partner because it’s too powerful and will destroy the world, kind of.  The explosions are apt.

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Lazy Movie Review: Terminator Genisys

terminator genisys

Premise:  I saw this movie two weeks ago and haven’t had much time to write anything about it until now, but that has kind of confined my memory to basically remember it being a rehash of the first Terminator‘s plot, but then with more robots and stuff later on.  Also, cell phone app updates are bad and could lead to a nuclear wasteland where the survivors are being imprisoned by tyrannical robot overlords.  Remember that the next time you’re asked to update Angry Birds Seasons.

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Finally Catching Up: San Andreas; Slow West; Spy; Insidious 3; Kung Fury; and Mad Max (again)

catching up 01 san andreas

I’ve been so busy and working overtime (work out!  dwelledeedeedoodooo bwaaabwaa bwuuum bwaaa bwwaa [little B.T.O. humor for you there]) that I haven’t been able to write any reviews for the several things I’ve seen in the last couple of weeks.  Well, I finally found some free time, so I thought I’d just clump them all into one stupid turd of a compilation post.  As you can tell by the fact I typed out that B.T.O guitar riff joke, looked at it, and then still didn’t delete it; this already isn’t going very well.

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