July Movie Roundup: Star Trek Beyond, Lights Out, Secret Life of Pets, Jason Bourne

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An increasingly busy schedule this year has once again put me behind on the movie reviewing, so I’m here with four movies that you’ve probably already seen and/or forgotten even came out at some point in July.

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Theater Roundup: Zootopia, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, 10 Cloverfield Lane, and Brothers Grimsby

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Again, I’ve been too busy to write full reviews as of late, but I’ve seen two weekends worth of new movies, so I should get my thoughts out now before it becomes three weekends, or eventually I’ll just be posting once a month with eight movies in each post…  So here we go!

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My Dino Bone Christmas Gift: 20 Mini-Reviews Of All The Junk I’ve Seen Lately

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I like to give back to our readers here, so I thought I’d give you the gift of 20 mini reviews of all of the movies from 2015 that I’ve seen over the last few months, but haven’t reviewed yet.  I got majorly backlogged with movies to write reviews for, and if I don’t do it now all at once, I know I’ll never do it.

So if your Uncle Tony starts to get a little *too* opinionated on Muslim refugees while you’re waiting for Christmas dinner; pull out this list, zone out, and ignore the (now) screaming match that he and your dad have surely gotten into while your grandma begs them to “Stop it, boys!  It’s Christmaaaaaaas!“.

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Lazy Movie Review: SPECTRE

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Premise:  In what might be (?) Daniel Craig’s final Bond movie, he plays some guy named Jim Bond, who is a spy and drives cars, and kind of just assumes that rando older Italian women want to bang him (turns out they do).  Why wouldn’t they, I guess?  I don’t know.  Leave me alone.  Anyway, he fights a couple of villains in this movie who wear uncomfortably over-stylized jackets, and one of them has a ponytail.  Wouldn’t it be great if there was a Bond villain who just wore a 1993 Buffalo Bills windbreaker and operated his evil corporation in an abandoned Sports Authority building in Indiana?  Well, there’s always the next reboot…  *closes eyes* *crosses fingers*  JOSH GAD JOSH GAD JOSH GAD.

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Lazy Movie Review: Blue Ruin

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Premise:  Without giving too much away, the movie starts out as homeless guy Dwight (Macon Blair) is set on getting revenge on a guy being released from prison who did something bad to his family years ago.  The rest of the movie is about Dwight defending himself and evening scores while being kind of a hilariously semi-inept amateur assassin who doesn’t *quite* know what he’s doing.

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Lazy Movie Review: Why Don’t You Play in Hell?

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Premise:  It’s a Japanese action/comedy that has kind of a mouthful of a plot.  It starts 10 years in the past, as a group of young guerrilla filmmakers (who hilariously/randomly call themselves “The F*** Bombers”) aspire to make one truly great film in their lifetime.  Elsewhere, the daughter of a Yakuza boss who stars in commercials walks in on the bloody aftermath of her mom killing four dudes from a rival Yakuza clan, which causes the mom goes to jail for the next 10 years for murder.  Now, in present day, the bratty daughter is all grown up and gets tangled with a wimpy, clueless nerd who gets the ultimatum to either film a future (real life) raid of a rival Yakuza clan in a movie with his daughter as the star (as a get-out-of-jail present for the mom), or die.  Then fate has the F*** Bombers (now an even more pathetic group of losers) get re-intertwined and can finally make their grand movie; and the whole spectacle of it all is pretty hilarious and nutty.

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