My Spoiler-Free Review of Star Wars 7: The Force Awakens

force awakens 01

I’ve now seen Force Awakens twice.  I went once last night on a regular screen, and then I went again this morning in IMAX 3D.  Made me feel bad for the people who were showing up to the box office this morning at 9 AM trying to get tickets for any showtime today, and they were all sold out.  Then again, you should have bought multiple tickets weeks in advance like the rest of us psychos.

But I know, like those poor souls, not everyone has gotten around to seeing Force Awakens yet, either do to not getting a ticket in time; having commitments to their jobs (ha!) or families (HA!), or because you really don’t want to sit next to a bunch of mouth breathers in a sold out show, so you’re waiting until next week.  Whatever the case, I will respect that, and provide a spoiler free review here for now…

Continue reading

Lazy Movie Review: Ender’s Game

enders_game

Premise: In an effort to exploit Hollywood for all its young talent of the last few years, I assume a (possibly coked up) movie producer said in the past year, “I have a teen sci-fi picture I need to make.  Bring me that critically acclaimed kid from Hugo, that critically acclaimed kid from True Grit, that critically acclaimed kid from Kings of Summer, and that critically acclaimed little girl who used to be in Little Miss Sunshine.  And why don’t you find me the critically acclaimed girl from Kick-Ass as well?  Oh, she’s remaking Carrie?  Oh well, nevermind.  What?  Who?  The kid from Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close?  Nah… That kid sucks.”

Oh, and I guess Ender’s Game is also based on some book or something that I assume no one has ever read before?  Some dollar store bargain bin read, I think?  Maybe a Danielle Steel?  It’s about a kid who is really good at video games, so he can translate that skill into commanding real life space armies and be a hero to Earth.  I tried using that excuse to convince my parents to let me play more video games when I was a kid, but my dad simply replied “You’re not fooling me, son, we both know you’re awful at video games.”

Continue reading