Here’s Some Movie Reviews: One You Maybe Watched and Three You Probably Didn’t

With World War III on the horizon, please take some time to do what’s important, like reading some short movie reviews of some stuff you probably didn’t bother to watch.  Heck, I saw these movies all within the last couple of weeks, and two of the four of them are already out of theaters.

I better crank these out, because if I had an editor, they’d be chewing me out big time for my lack of writing production around here.  This is only my sixth post of the year, and I don’t think I’ve written a post focused on just a single movie in probably 8 months.  I don’t deserve the paycheck I get from this site, to be honest with you, folks.  I don’t deserve it, and I also don’t receive one, so it all works out.  What, get to the reviews?  Fine.

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April Movie Catchup: Eye in the Sky, Hardcore Henry, Midnight Special, Demolition

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It’s been a couple of weeks since my last review, when I applauded the use of Michael Shannon’s dead body in a $250 million blockbuster.  But I’ve actually seen a handful of movies since then, including one with a moving-around Michael Shannon in an $18 million indie picture!  So here is the best of what the first half of April 2016 had to offer.  Well, what I assume is the best.  I haven’t seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, after all.

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Ensemble Avalanche! Black Mass vs. Everest

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Over the weekend I saw six movies’ worth of acting talent crammed into two movies, as the casting directors for Black Mass and Everest went a little nuts.  I think the industry term is castlust.  “Just one more guy, man, just let me cram one more B-list actor into this scene!  I know a guy who can get you Adam Scott real cheap, man!  Just let me stick him in the shot, man!”

Anyway, I’ll help you make the decision on which of these movies you should see, or if you should just go see the new Maze Runner movie, which I’ve been quoting from the commercials more than any movie I’ve actually seen in theaters lately.  “YOU’LL NEVER SURVIVE ONE DAY IN THE SCORCH!” is a sentence my fiance is certainly sick of hearing me yell out of nowhere by now.

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Lazy Movie Review: Nightcrawler

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Premise:  Lou Bloom (played by Jake [looking up correct spelling on Google] Gyllenhaal) is a sociopath and a night owl living in LA.  Through creepy behavior, he finds himself interested in filming crime and traffic accidents for local news stations, who are willing to pay him large amounts of money for footage that only he is willing to obtain; by breaking into crime scenes and getting way closer than a normal person would.  This is mainly a movie about finding success in being unapologetically driven in nature, to the point where you have no boundaries.  Yes, you can be good at what you do, but are you willing to go as far as that guy did?  Probably not.  That’s why you’re a normal person.  The other guy; *that’s* Lou Bloom.  You should probably not attempt to get in his way.

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Lazy Movie Review: Prisoners

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Premise:  Two families in Pennsylvania have their young daughters kidnapped out of nowhere on Thanksgiving.  They go through the frantic motions of looking for them endlessly for the first week they are missing (which is the film’s timeline).  At the same time, a detective who’s never lost a case (Jake Gyllenhaal) also looks for the girls.  One of the dads (Hugh Jackman) kidnaps a mentally challenged suspect (Paul Dano) who he believes 100% is the girls’ kidnapper, and locks him in a bathroom where he can torture him to get answers while they continue to look for the girls.  Then Gyllenhaal starts looking into Jackman, but they are both looking for the girls still.  And I think there’s close to three other subplots.  It’s a long movie.

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