My Dino Bone Christmas Gift: 20 Mini-Reviews Of All The Junk I’ve Seen Lately

christmas 2015 00 header

I like to give back to our readers here, so I thought I’d give you the gift of 20 mini reviews of all of the movies from 2015 that I’ve seen over the last few months, but haven’t reviewed yet.  I got majorly backlogged with movies to write reviews for, and if I don’t do it now all at once, I know I’ll never do it.

So if your Uncle Tony starts to get a little *too* opinionated on Muslim refugees while you’re waiting for Christmas dinner; pull out this list, zone out, and ignore the (now) screaming match that he and your dad have surely gotten into while your grandma begs them to “Stop it, boys!  It’s Christmaaaaaaas!“.

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Ensemble Avalanche! Black Mass vs. Everest

Depp-Mountain

Over the weekend I saw six movies’ worth of acting talent crammed into two movies, as the casting directors for Black Mass and Everest went a little nuts.  I think the industry term is castlust.  “Just one more guy, man, just let me cram one more B-list actor into this scene!  I know a guy who can get you Adam Scott real cheap, man!  Just let me stick him in the shot, man!”

Anyway, I’ll help you make the decision on which of these movies you should see, or if you should just go see the new Maze Runner movie, which I’ve been quoting from the commercials more than any movie I’ve actually seen in theaters lately.  “YOU’LL NEVER SURVIVE ONE DAY IN THE SCORCH!” is a sentence my fiance is certainly sick of hearing me yell out of nowhere by now.

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Movie Review: Premium Rush

Going into this movie, I knew it would have an immediate disadvantage in my mind:  I hate people who ride bikes on the street.  Like they think they’re cars or something…  Don’t they realize they force all cars in the right lane to drift over to the oncoming traffic lane so that we don’t murder them?  Don’t they realize that they cause inconvenience to everyone just so they can do their stupid exercise routine?  Bike riders are such inconsiderate people.  I remember even back in college, I would be walking to class, minding my own business, and bike riders would whiz in front of me, or cut me off, and yell frantically “ON YOUR LEFT ON YOUR LEFT”.  Dude, shut up, it’s 7:30 AM.  Don’t yell at me about moving out of your way on a sidewalk.  I don’t even want to think about the amount of times I tripped or almost tripped on a bike tire that inconsiderately went in front of me back then.  And these are just casual bike riders.  Turns out professional bike riders are worse…

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