Movie Review:: The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

hobbit 1

Near the end of the movie, as Ian McKellan and Martin Freeman’s perspective-aiding body doubles rode back to the Shire on their ponies in wide shots, I’m not going to lie, I got slightly sad that this was going to be the last time I ever see a Middle-Earth movie in theaters.  Made me feel probably more genuine emotion anything else in this movie did.  Because let’s be clear, this was definitely my least favorite Lord of the Rings movie P-Jax has ever made.

Continue reading

Lazy Movie Review:: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

smaaug

Premise:  Bilbo and the dwarves are back for another adventure!  Woo hoo!  This time they try to answer the important question: What has Orlando Bloom been up to since the last time we saw him?  My guess was that he’s was in Lord of the Rings 10 years ago, then he was in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies after that, and somewhere in the middle he was in that one movie with a terrible name that no one saw, Elizabethtown.  The real answer to that question (after looking him up on Wikipedia) is he’s been in almost twenty movies since Return of the King, 90% of which I’ve never heard of.  I don’t know why I decided to bring down Orlando Bloom to start this off, I wasn’t planning on it, it just sort of happened.  Anyway, it’s nice to see Legolas again.

Continue reading

Lazy Movie Review:: Thor: The Dark World

thor two

Premise:  If you strip away the context that Thor 2 is a major Marvel comic book movie, and you try to describe the premise, it actually comes out as a hilariously strange concept from the get-go…  It’s a movie about a Norse god who lives in a rainbow space castle across the universe who can fly by using a magic hammer, who must overcome a species of elves who fly high-powered space ships, because they’re trying to destroy all the light in the universe.  If this wasn’t based on the classic source material, could you imagine someone trying to pitch that film to an executive?

Continue reading